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1896

ARE MANNERS DISAPPEARING FROM

GREAT BRITAIN?

AN American who has seen much of the world and of society once remarked that manners had disappeared from America and were rapidly vanishing from Europe.' Is this remark true as regards Great Britain? In answer some cynics might reply, that as Britonsnever have been known to possess any manners, there can be no question of their disappearance; and in a certain sense the cynics would be right, for, in outward forms of politeness, history and biography unite in telling us that for centuries the art of polite demeanour between man and man, at all events amongst the highest classes, has been more cultivated and practised in the genial climes of France, Spain, and Italy than under the grey and frigid skies of Britain. But although the Englishman has rarely been able to rival the polished manners of his continental neighbours, he has never wholly neglected the art of courtesy, and it is only within quite recent years that it has become reasonable to ask, whether we may not be within measurable distance of the time when all outward forms of polite demeanour between man and man shall have completely disappeared from British soil. This is no extravagant supposition, for, strange as it may seem, a loud, noisy vulgarity has invaded circles which in the olden days were regarded as the strongholds of conventional etiquette, until, amongst a set of persons in London whose social position gives them an influence far in excess of their merits, it is actually considered the 'smart' thing to be brusque, loud, and self-assertive.

It is usually supposed that democracy and democratic institutions are primarily responsible for the decadence of manners, and so, to a large degree, they are; but it bodes ill for the future of the outward signs of personal courtesy if those who desire to be considered in the front ranks of what is called 'Society' join hands with the democracy in sweeping from British soil the last vestiges of outward courtesy of demeanour.

It is quite true that too much importance may easily be attached. to the outward forms of politeness, the absence of which from society

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need not necessarily imply a lack of kindly feeling in its members. Many are truly courteous who are entirely innocent of the conventional forms of politeness. It is, without doubt, possible to keep the human affections warm within one's heart, and yet be ignorant of a courtly code of manners. The French have for long been esteemed a polite nation, and so they are as far as outward forms are considered; but most travellers will agree that, except within certain circles, there is more genuine courtesy to be found between man and man in Britain than in France. The average Frenchman will be profuse in the bows which he will make on meeting an acquaintance, but he will often not hesitate, should the occasion arise, to sacrifice others to his own personal comfort. I have seen foreigners at a public entertainment make ladies rise by bowing to them, and then deprive them of their seats in the most polite and graceful manner. Englishman, on the other hand, will often do a really kind-hearted deed in such an abrupt and awkward fashion as almost to give it the appearance of an insult. The Spaniard habitually places his house and everything in it at the disposal of his guest, but he would be greatly astonished if he were taken at his word. A stranger calls upon a Spaniard when he is at dinner. The latter invites the stranger to dine with him, or offers him something which he may have admired, but unless the dinner or article is very much pressed the invitation and the offer must be regarded in the light of mere polite phrases. Under similar circumstances the Briton would either not make the invitation or offer, or, if he did, would do all he could to render the dinner or the gift acceptable to the stranger, and would endeavour to escape being thanked, whereas the Spaniard expects verbal gratitude for the offer he has no intention of fulfilling. So far do we carry this dislike of phrase-making, that some English men and women find it very difficult to give expression to the genuine gratitude they feel for real benefits received; and there are some men whose modesty is so perverted that they would, apparently, almost rather be accused of doing something positively wrong than be suspected of having yielded to a kindly sentiment. Hence they are sometimes almost brutal in their manner should they feel constrained to make an offer of assistance to a stranger, and will endeavour to prove that any kindness they may have rendered was entirely accidental, or the unforeseen result of selfish action. There can be no doubt that kindness of heart must take precedence of manners; but, granting this to the full, what valid reason can be adduced for the divorce of the one from the other? Love of truth and detestation of all appearance of insincerity are also sometimes responsible for the apparent rudeness of the Briton; and as far as the cold and stiff manner, and the absence from his speech of flattering or complimentary phrases, are really due to these causes he is scarcely open to blame, for truthfulness and sincerity are to be preferred before polite

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ness; but by keeping a sympathetic and charitable heart he might often honestly, without injury to his conscience, be able to give expression to the polite phrase, and to substitute a warm and cordial for a cold and repellent attitude. Manners, surely, should be the outward expression of the genuine or presumed inner feelings of man in his intercourse with his fellow-men, and where his heart does him credit the Englishman should not permit it to be discredited by his action.

As civilisation advances, and as man becomes more and more permeated by its softening influences, it would only be natural that manners should improve, but as a matter of fact the exact reverse would appear to be the case. It seems as if manners were steadily deteriorating.

Each generation as it comes upon the stage of life is a little less polite in its bearing towards its fellows than the generation which preceded it, and unless a reaction should set in, and that soon, it would not be difficult to predict the date when the attitude of men and women towards each other will be softened by none of the restraining influences of a polite and considerate courtesy. Some will welcome the advent of a time when everything that a man or woman has or enjoys he or she shall possess by right, and not by the favour of any one, and consequently when there shall be no necessity for the giving or receiving of thanks; when the equality of all shall be so thoroughly recognised that the politenesses and deferences which proceed in a great degree from the recognition in society of differences of station, of age, and of sex, shall have become completely superfluous, and when politeness between equals shall be esteemed a sign of weakness, and an evil survival from feudal and aristocratic ages. To such it may be answered that, in so far as polite manners are the outward expression of kindly feelings between man and man, they should be welcome to a democratic creed which professes to teach the brotherhood of man.

Britons have lately been made painfully aware of the unpopularity which they enjoy amongst most of the nations of the earth. It flatters our national pride to think that the almost universal disfavour with which we are regarded is due to jealousy caused by the exceptional prosperity, advantages, and privileges which we enjoy, and in a certain measure this is the real cause of our unpopularity; but ask the averagely intelligent foreigner why England is disliked in his country, and whether the question be put to the Russian, the German, or the Frenchman, in a large number of cases the answer will show that his dislike of Great Britain is not based on political reasons, nor caused by jealousy, but is the result of personal experience of the rude and overbearing manner of individual Englishmen with whom the foreigner has been painfully brought into contact.

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Some of us seem to forget or ignore the fact, that, as oil lubricates machinery, so does politeness facilitate the relationship of men.

Our manners at home are none of the best, but there are some Britons who have no sooner planted their feet on foreign soil than, instead of inquiring what may be the manners and customs of the country in which they find themselves, and then endeavouring to conform to them, they seem to consider that absence from home entitles them to throw off even the light conventional restraints of British manners, and live as though they considered that this planet and the dwellers on it had been specially created by Providence to cater for the enjoyment of the inhabitants of the British Isles, and more especially of certain members of that favoured race in whom they happen to take the deepest personal interest.

How often, with hot indignation, has one seen British men and women behave abroad as he knows they never would dare to do at home-walking in the streets of large towns, or attending places of fashionable resort, the men in knickerbockers and the women in mountaineering attire, ostentatiously and of set purpose attracting public attention by noisy conversation and affected boisterous merriment!

It is not uncommon to see Englishmen in the halls and corridors of foreign hotels wearing their hats, when every foreigner is bareheaded.

Sometimes such conduct is due to ignorance of foreign customs; but very often, when there is no desire on the part of the Englishman to draw attention to himself by outraging foreign opinion, it is due to British pride, which refuses to alter its manners to suit the customs of the foreigner. Both in Norway and in America I have heard of Englishmen accepting invitations to dinner, and appearing at their hosts' houses in shooting-coats. One can hardly believe that such conduct was the result of ignorance.

How many Britons are there who, in order to ensure against. unconscious infraction of local rules of etiquette, take the trouble to learn and follow the polite customs of the country in which they happen to be? How many are there, for instance, who, when seating themselves at, or on leaving, a table d'hôte abroad, remember that in most foreign countries it is considered exceedingly rude not to bow to the guests on either side; or will bear in mind that the hat should never be worn indoors, and should always be raised when meeting a male as well as a female acquaintance, when addressing any stranger, or when going in or out of a shop or public restaurant; that in Germany, when paying a visit, no well-bred man or woman ever sits. on a sofa without being specially invited by the hostess to do so; that in the same country the unmarried girl invariably grants precedence to the married woman; and that in the case of both sexes youth, when walking with age or rank, should place it on the inner side of the

pavement? Such forms and ceremonies differ in most places, but there are few, if any, countries in Europe where there does not exist more polite ceremonial than in England. Some may rejoice at this, and denounce such customs as foolish trifling, and reply that true politeness results from kindness of heart, and not from any established code of ceremonies. The truth of the above proposition has already been acknowledged, but there can be no doubt that the existence of such a code exercises a certain restraint on the selfish, vulgar selfassertion of those (the majority of mankind) who only regulate their actions by the consequences which they entail. In a country where rudeness meets with the punishment of social ostracism they will restrain their selfishness within bounds, but where society is indifferent in the matter they will not recognise any necessity for self-restraint.

How much of the unpopularity of the ruling race in India is due to the arrogance of some Englishmen in that country who call the natives 'niggers,' and who, in their dealings with ancient and aristocratic races, possessed of rigid and well-defined codes of manners, care not to make themselves acquainted with them, or to inquire into the social rank and position of those with whom they come into contact, but treat Hindoos and Mahomedans of gentle blood with as little consideration as they do their own servants? Let us reverse the situation, and imagine Britain a dependency of India. What would be the feelings of British noblemen and gentlemen of position if a Hindu official of no birth or manners, sent to govern an English county, were to treat them in the way in which some British officials are in the habit of dealing with natives of distinction? And yet, when one does meet a true British gentleman (and the race is, happily, not yet quite extinct), he is conscious of a feeling that the world cannot show a similar product of finer make.

The word 'gentleman' represents a British ideal, and is untranslatable in foreign languages; but, alas! the fine clay of which he is made is daily becoming so impregnated with coarse admixtures that there is danger lest, by the gradual deterioration of the quality of the clay, society should mistake pottery for porcelain, and should be content to accept the coarser for the finer article. It would be well for British men and women to consider whether politeness is or is not worth preserving. They should make up their minds on this point, and act accordingly. If they should decide that the cultivation of manners is incompatible with nineteenth-century ideas, and should be allowed to die out with other old-world notions, then, though some of us may regret the decision, we must only bow to the will of the majority; but if, on the other hand, thoughtful people perceive that much is lost to mankind, collectively and individually, by neglecting to study and to practise the little courtesies of life, then let them

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