Cut off your hand, and you may do
With t'other hand the work of two:
Because the foul her power contracts,
And on the brother limb re-acts.

But yet the point is not fo clear in
Another cafe, the fenfe of hearing:
For, though the place of either ear
Be diftant, as one head can bear;
Yet Galen moft acutely fhews you,
(Confult his book de partium ufu)
That from each ear, as he obferves,
There creep two auditory nerves,
Not to be feen without a glafs,
Which near the os petrofum pafs;

Thence to the neck; and moving thorow there
One goes to this, and one to t'other ear;
Which made my grand-dame always ftuff her ears,
Both right and left, as fellow-fufferers.
You fee my learning; but, to shorten it,
When my left ear was deaf a fortnight,
To t'other ear I felt it coming on:
And thus I folve this hard phænomenon.
'Tis true, a glafs will bring fupplies
To weak, or old, or clouded eyes:
Your arms, though both your eyes were loft,
Would guard your nofe against a post:
Without your legs, two legs of wood
Are stronger and almost as good:

And as for hands, there have been those
Who, wanting both, have us'd their toes *.

There have been inftances of a man's writing with his foot.

But

But no contrivance yet appears

To furnish artificial ears.

A QUIET LIFE AND A GOOD NAME.

To a FRIEND who married a SHREW. 1724.

NELL fcolded in fo loud a din,

That Will durft hardly venture in;
He markt the conjugal difpute;
Nell roar'd inceffant, Dick fat mute;
But, when he faw his friend appear,
Cry'd bravely, Patience, good my dear!
At fight of Will, fhe bawl'd no more,
But hurry'd out, and clapt the door.

Why Dick! the devil's in thy Nell,
(Quoth Will) thy houfe is worfe than hell;
Why what a peal the jade has rung!
D-n her, why don't you flit her tongue?
For nothing else will make it ceafe.
Dear Will, I fuffer this for peace;
I never quarrel with my wife;
I bear it for a quiet life,

Scripture, you know, exhorts us to it ;

Bids us to feek peace, and enfue it,

Will went again to vifit Dick;

And entering in the very nick,

He faw virago Nell belabour,

With Dick's own ftaff, his peaceful neighbour:

Poor Will, who needs must interpofe,

Receiv'd a brace or two of blows.

But

But now, to make my story short,

Will drew out Dick to take a quart.
Why, Dick, thy wife has devilish whims;
Ods-buds! why don't you break her limbs ?
If the were mine, and had such tricks,
I'd teach her how to handle sticks:
Z-ds! I would fhip her to Jamaica,
Or truck the carrion for tobacco:
I'd fend her far enough away--

Dear Will; but what would people say?
Lord! I fhould get so ill a name,

The neighbours round would cry out fhame.
Dick fuffer'd for his peace and credit;
But who believ'd him, when he said it?
Can he, who makes himself a flave,
Confult his peace, or credit fave?
Dick found it by his ill fuccefs,
His quiet fmall, his credit lefs.
She ferv'd him at the ufual rate;

She stunn'd, and then fhe broke, his pate:
And, what he thought the hardest case,
The parish jeer'd him to his face ;
Thofe men, who wore the breeches leaft,
Call him a cuckold, fool, and beaft.
At home he was purfued with noife;
Abroad was pefter'd by the boys:
Within, his wife would break his bones
Without, they pelted him with stones;
The 'prentices procur'd a riding *,

To act his patience, and her chiding..

;

• A well-known humorous cavalcade, in ridicule of a fcolding

wife and hen-pecked husband.

Falfe

Falfe patience and mistaken pride!
There are ten thoufand Dicks befide;
Slaves to their quiet and good name,
Are us'd like Dick, and bear the blame.

THE BIRTH OF MANLY VIRTUE. Infcribed to Lord CARTERET, 1724.

"Gratior & pulchro veniens in corpore Virtus." VIRG.

ONCE on a time, a righteous Sage,

Griev'd at the vices of the age,

Applied to Jove with fervent prayer:
"O Jove, if Virtue be so fair
"As it was deem'd in former days,
"By Plato and by Socrates,

"Whose beauties mortal eyes escape,
"Only for want of outward shape;
"Make then its real excellence,

"For once, the theme of human sense;
"So fhall the eye, by form confin'd,
"Direct and fix the wandering mind;
"And long-deluded mortals fee,
"With rapture, what they us'd to flee!"

Jove grants the prayer, gives Virtue birth,
And bids him blefs and mend the earth.
Behold him blooming fresh and fair,
Now made---ye gods---a fon and heir;
An heir and, ftranger yet to hear,
An heir, an orphan of a peer;
But prodigies are wrought, to prove
Nothing impoffible to Jove.

Virtue was for this fex defign'd,
In mild reproof to woman-kind;
In manly form to let them see,
The loveliness of modefty,

The thousand decencies that shone
With leffen'd luftre in their own;
Which few had learn'd enough to prize,
And fome thought modish to despise.
To make his merit more difcern'd,
He goes to school---he reads---is learn'd
Rais'd high, above his birth, by knowledge,
He shines diftinguish'd in a college;
Refolv'd nor honour, nor eftate,
Himself alone should make him great.
Here foon for every art renown'd,
His influence is diffus'd around ;
Th' inferior youth, to learning led,
Lefs to be fam'd than to be fed,
Behold the glory he has won,
And blush to see themselves outdone;
And now, inflam'd with rival rage,
In fcientific ftrife engage,

Engage; and, in the glorious ftrife,
The arts new-kindle into life..

Here would our Hero ever dwell,
Fix'd in a lonely learned cell;
Contented to be truly great,
In Virtue's beft belov'd retreat;
Contented he-but Fate ordains,
He now shall shine in nobler scenes,
Rais'd high, like fome celeftial fire,
To fhine the more, ftill rifing higher;