67 as I came beyond Eton, they threw me off, from SCENE VI.-Another Room in the Garter Inn. behind one of them, in a slagh of mire; and set Enter Fenton and Host. spurs, and away, like three German devils, three Doctor Faustuses. Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind Host. They are gone but to meet the duke, vil- is heavy, I will give over all. lain: do not say, they be fled; Germans are honest men. Enter Sir Hugh Evans. Fent. Yet hear me speak: Assist me in my purpose, And, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee A hundred pounds in gold, more than your loss. Host. I will hear you, master Fenton; and I will, at the least, keep your counsel. Eva. Where is mine host? Host. What is the matter, sir? Fent. From time to time I have acquainted you Eva. Have a care of your entertainments: there With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page; is a friend of mine come to town, tells me, there Who, mutually, hath answered my affection is three cousin Germans, that has cozened all the (So far forth as herself might be her chooser,) hosts of Readings, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, Even to my wish: I have a letter from her of horses and money. I tell you for a good-will, Of such contents as you will wonder at; look you: you are wise, and full of gibes and The mirth whereof so larded with my matter, vlouting-stogs; and 'tis not convenient you should That neither, singly, can be manifested, be cozened: Fare you well. [Exit. Without the show of both; wherein fat Falstaff Hath a great scene; the image of the jest I'll show you here at large. Hark, good mine host: [Showing the letter. To-night at Herne's oak, just 'twixt twelve and Enter Doctor Caius. Caius. Vere is mine Host de Jarterre? Host. Here, master doctor, in perplexity, and doubtful dilemma. one, Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a The purpose why, is here;2 in which disguise, Must my sweet Nan present the fairy queen, me, dat you make grand preparation for a duke de While other jests are something rank on foot, Jarmany: by my trot, dere is no duke, dat de Her father hath commanded her to slip court is know to come; I tell you for good vill: Away with Slender, and with him at Eton adieu. Host. Hue and cry, villain, go:-assist me, Now, sir, [Exit. Immediately to marry: she hath consented: knight; I am undone :-fly, run, hue and cry, vil- Her mother, even strong against that match, lain! I'am undone! [Exeunt Host and Bardolph. And firm for doctor Caius, hath appointed Fal. I would, all the world might be cozened; That he shall likewise shuffle her away, for I have been cozen'd and beaten too. If it should While other sports are tasking of their minds, come to the ear of the court, how I have been And at the deanery, where a priest attends, transformed, and how my transformation hath been Straight marry her: to this her mother's plot washed and cudgelled, they would melt me out of She, seemingly obedient, likewise hath my fat, drop by drop, and liquor fishermen's boots Made promise to the doctor ;-Now, thus it rests. with me; I warrant, they would whip me with Her father means she shall be all in white; their fine wits, till I were as crest-fallen as a dried And in that habit, when Slender sees his time pear. I never prospered since I forswore myself To take her by the hand, and bid her go, at Primero. Well, if my wind were but long She shall go with him :-her mother hath intended, enough to say my prayers, I would repent.— Enter Mrs. Quickly. Now! whence come you? Quick. From the two parties, forsooth. Fal. The devil take one party, and his dam the other, and so they shall be both bestowed! I have suffered more for their sakes, more, than the villanous inconstancy of man's disposition is able to bear. Quick. And have not they suffered? Yes, I good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you canwarrant; speciously one of them; mistress Ford, not see a white spot about her. The better to denote her to the doctor, (For they must all be mask'd and vizarded,) Fent. Both, my good host, to go along with me: Host. Well, husband your device; I'll to the Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest. Fal. What tell'st thou me of black and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow, and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford; but that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, deliver'd me, the knave constable had set me i' the stocks, i' the common stocks, for a witch. Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber: you shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good hearts, what ado here is to SCENE I-A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter bring you together! Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so crossed. Fal. Come up into my chamber. [Exeunt. (1) A game at cards, ACT V. Falstaff and Mrs. Quickly. Fal. Pry'thee, no more prattling ;—go. -I'll (2) In the letter. (3) Fantastically. hold: This is the third time; I hope good luck the very instant of Falstaff's and our meeting, they lies in odd numbers. Away, go; they say, there will at once display to the night. is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death.-Away. Quick. I'll provide you a chain; and I'll do what I can to get you a pair of horns. Fal. Away, I say; time wears; hold up your nead, and mince. [Exit Mrs. Quickly. Enter Ford. Mrs. Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him. Mrs. Page. If he be not amazed, he will be mocked; if he be amazed, he will every way be mocked. Mrs. Ford. We'll betray him finely. Mrs. Page. Against such lewdsters, and their lechery, Those that betray them do no treachery. Mrs. Ford. The hour draws on: To the oak, How now, master Brook? Master Brook, the mat-to the oak. ter will be known to-night, or never. [Exeunt. Be you in the Park about midnight, at Herne's oak, and you SCENE IV.-Windsor Park. Enter Sir Hugh shall see wonders. Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told me you had appointed? Evans, and Fairies. Eva. Trib, trib, fairies; come; and remember Fal. I went to her, master Brook, as you see, your parts: be pold, I pray you; follow me into like a poor old man: but I came from her, master the pit; and when I give the watch-'ords, do as I Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave, pid you: Come, come; trib, trib. [Exeunt. Ford her husband, hath the finest mad devil of Jealousy in him, master Brook, that ever governed SCENE V-Another part of the Park. Enter phrensy. I will tell you.-He beat me grievously, in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of man, master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver's minute draws on: Now, the hot-blooded gods assist Fal. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the beam; because I know also, life is a shuttle. I am Falstaff disguised, with a buck's head on. in haste, go along with me; I'll tell you all, mas- me!-Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy ter Brook. Since I plucked geese, played truant, Europa; love set on thy horns.-O powerful love! and whipped top, I knew not what it was to be that, in some respects, makes a beast a man; in beaten, till lately. Follow me: I'll tell you strange some other, a man a beast.-You were also, Jupiter, things of this knave Ford on whom to-night I will be revenged, and I will deliver his wife into your hand.-Follow: Strange things in hand, mastera Brook! follow. [Exeunt. swan, for the love of Leda; 0, omnipotent love! how near the god drew to the complexion of goose!-A fault done first in the form of a beast; -O Jove, a beastly fault! and then another fault in the semblance of a fowl; think on't, Jove; a SCENE II.-Windsor Park. Enter Page, Shal- foul fault.-When gods have hot backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag; and the fattest, I think, i' the forest: send me a Page. Come, come; we'll couch i' the castle-cool rut-time, Jove, or who can blame me to piss ditch, till we see the light of our fairies.-Remem- my tallow! Who comes here? my doe? ber, son Slender, my daughter. low, and Slender. Slen. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her, and Enter Mrs. Ford and Mrs. Page. we have a nay-word, how to know one another. Mrs. Ford. Sir John? art thou there, my deer? I come to her in white, and cry, mum; she cries, my male deer? budget; and by that we know one another. Shal. That's good too: But what needs either your mum, or her budget? the white will decipher her well enough.-It hath struck ten o'clock. Fal. My doe, with the black scut?-Let the sky rain potatoes, let it thunder to the tune of Green Sleeves, hail kissing comfits, and snow eringoes; let there come a tempest of provocation, I will [Embracing her. Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page is come with me, Page. The night is dark; light and spirits will shelter me here. become it well. Heaven prosper our sport! No man means evil but the devil, and we shall know sweetheart. him by his horns. Let's away; follow me. Fal. Divide me like a bribe-buck, each a haunch: [Exeunt. I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your SCENE III.-The Street in Windsor. Enter husbands. Am I a woodman? ha! Speak I like Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Dr. Caius. Herne the hunter?-Why, now is Cupid a child of As I am a true conscience; he makes restitution. spirit, welcome! [Noise within. Mrs. Page. Master doctor, my daughter is in green: when you see your time, take her by the hand, away with her to the deanery, and despatch it quickly: Go before into the park; we two must go together. Mrs. Page. Alas! what noise? Away, away. [They run off. Caius. I know vat I have to do; Adieu. Mrs. Page. Fare you well, sir. [Exit Caius.] Fal. I think, the devil will not have me damned, My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse lest the oil that is in me should set hell on fire; he of Falstaff, as he will chafe at the doctor's marry-would never else cross me thus. ing my daughter: but 'tis no matter; better a little chiding, than a great deal of heart-break. Mrs. Ford. Where is Nan now, and her troop of fairies? and the Welsh devil, Hugh? Mrs. Page. They are all couched in a pit hard by Herne's oak, with obscured lights; which, at (1) Keep to the time. (2) Watch-word. Enter Sir Hugh Evans, like a satyr; Mrs. Quickly You moon-shine revellers, and shades of night, Pist. Elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys. Cricket, to Windsor chimneys shalt thou leap: Where fires thou find'st unrak'd, and hearths unswept, There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry:2 shall die. Quick. About, about; Search Windsor castle, elves, within and out: And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be, Fal. Heavens defend me from that Welch fairy, lest he transform me to a piece of cheese! Pist. Vile worm, thou wast o'er-look'd even in thy birth. Quick. With trial-fire touch me his finger end: If he be chaste, the flame will back descend, And turn him to no pain; but if he start, It is the flesh of a corrupted heart. Pist. A trial, come. Eva. Come, will this wood take fire? [They burn him with their tapers. Fal. Oh, oh, oh! Quick. Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire! About him, fairies; sing a scornful rhyme: And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time. Eva. It is right; indeed he is full of lecheries and iniquity. Lust is but vloody fire, As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher. ' Pinch him for his villany; Finch him, and burn him, and turn him about During this song, the fairies pinch Falstaff. Doctor Caius comes one way, and steals away a fairy in green; Slender another way, and takes off a fairy in white; and Fenton comes, and steals away Mrs. Anne Page. A noise of hunting is pulls off his buck's head, and rises. made within. All the fairies run away. Falstaff Enter Page, Ford, Mrs. Page, and M. Ford. They lay hold on him. Page. Nay, do not fly: I think, we have watch'd you now; Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn? Now, good sir John, how like you Windsor wives? Ford. Now, sir, who's a cuckold now?-Master Brook, Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his horns, master Brook: And, master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing of Ford's but his buckbasket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money; which must be paid to master Brook; his horses are arrested for it, master Brook. Mrs. Ford. Sir John, we have had ill luck; we could never meet. I will never take you for my love again, but I will always count you my deer. Fal. I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass. Ford. Ay, and an ox too; both the proofs are extant. Fal. And these are not fairies? I was three or four times in the thought, they were not fairies: and yet the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a received belief, in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that they were fairies, See now, how wit may be made a Jack-a-lent, when 'tis upon ill employment! Eva. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, and fairies will not pinse you," Ford. Well said, fairy Hugh. Eva. And leave you your jealousies too, I pray you. Ford. I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou art able to woo her in good English. Fal. Have I laid my brain in the sun, and dried it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross o'ertoo? Shall I have a coxcomb of frize? 'tis time reaching as this? Am I ridden with a Welch goat were choaked with a piece of toasted cheese. I Eva, Seese is not good to give putter; your pelly is all putter.' Fal. Seese and putter! Have I lived to stand at the taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough to be the decay of lust and latewalking, through the realm. Mrs. Page. Why, sir John, do you think, though we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by (4) Horns which Falstaff had. (5) A fool's cap of Welch materials. the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves cozened; I ha' married un garçon, a boy; un paiwithout scruple to hell, that ever the devil could san, by gar, a boy; it is not Anne Page: by gar, I have made you our delight? am cozened. Ford. What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax? Page. Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails. Mrs. Page. Why, did you take her in green? Caius. Ay, be gar, and 'tis a boy: be gar, I'll raise all Windsor. [Exit Caius. Ford. This is strange: Who hath got the right Ford. And one that is as slanderous as Satan? Anne? Ford. And as wicked as his wife? Eva. And given to fornications, and to taverns, and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings, and swearings, and starings, pribbles and prabbles? Fal. Well, I am your theme: you have the start of me; I am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welch flannel; ignorance itself is a plummet o'er me: use me as you will. Ford. Marry, sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to one master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom you should have been a pander: over and above that you have suffered, I think, to repay that money will be a biting affliction. Mrs. Ford. Nay, husband, let that go to make amends: Forgive that sum, and so we'll all be friends. Ford. Well, here's my hand; all's forgiven at last. Page. My heart misgives me: Here comes mas ter Fenton. Enter Fenton and Anne Page. How now, master Fenton? Anne. Pardon, good father! good my mother. pardon ! Page. Now, mistress? how chance you went not with master Slender? Mrs. Page. Why went you not with master doctor, maid?" Fent. You do amaze1 her: Hear the truth of it. You would have married her most shamefully, Where there was no proportion held in love. The truth is, she and I, long since contracted, Are now so sure that nothing can dissolve us. The offence is holy, that she hath committed: And this deceit loses the name of craft, Of disobedience, or unduteous title; Page. Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt eat a Since therein she doth evitate and shun posset to-night at my house; where I will desire A thousand irreligious cursed hours, thee to laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee: Which forced marriage would have brought upon Tell her, master Slender hath married her daughter. Mrs. Page. Doctors doubt that: If Anne Page Ford. Stand not amaz'd: here is no remedy:be my daughter, she is, by this, doctor Caius' wife. In love, the heavens themselves do guide the state; Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate. Fal. I am glad, though you have ta'en a special stand to strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced. Page. Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy! Enter Slender. [Aside. Slen. Whoo, ho! ho! father Page! Page. Son! how now? how now, son? have you despatched? Slen. Despatched-I'll make the best in Glocestershire know on't; would I were hanged, la, else. Page, Of what, son? her. What cannot be eschew'd, must be embrac'd. Eva. I will dance and cat plumbs at your wed- Mrs. Page. Well, I will muse no further:- Slen. I came yonder at Eton to marry mistress Page. Upon my life then, you took the wrong. Slen. What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took a boy for a girl: If I had been married to him, for all he was in woman's apparel, I would not have had him. Page. Why, this is your own folly. Did not I tell you, how you should know my daughter by her garments? Slen. I went to her in white, and cry'd mum, and she cry'd budget, as Anne and I had appointed; and yet it was not Anne, but a post-master's boy. Eva. Jeshu! Master Slender, cannot you see but marry poys? Sir John and all. Let it be so:-Sir John, To master Brook you yet shall hold your word; For he, to-night, shall lie with Mrs. Ford. [Exeunt. Of this play there is a tradition preserved by Mr. Rowe, that it was written at the command of Queen Elizabeth, who was so delighted with the character of Falstaff, that she wished it to be difPage. O, I am vexed at heart: What shall I do? fused through more plays; but suspecting that it Mrs. Page. Good George, be not angry: Imight pall by continued uniformity, directed the knew of your purpose; turned my daughter into poet to diversify his manner, by showing him in green; and, indeed, she is now with the doctor at love. No task is harder than that of writing to the the deanery, and there married. ideas of another. Shakspeare knew what the queen, if the story be true, seems not to have known, that by any real passion of tenderness, the selfish craft, the careless jollity, and the lazy luxury of Falstaff, must have suffered so much abatement, that little of his former cast would have remained. Falstaff could not love, but by ceasing to be Falstaff, He all his former power of entertainment. could only counterfeit love, and his professions of forming ridiculous characters can confer praise could be prompted, not by the hope of pleasure, only on him who originally discovered it, for it rebut of money. Thus the poet approached as near quires not much of either wit or judgment; its as he could to the work enjoined him; yet having success must be derived almost wholly from the perhaps in the former plays completed his own player, but its power in a skilful mouth, even he idea, seems not to have been able to give Falstaff that despises it, is unable to resist. The conduct of this drama is deficient; the acThis comedy is remarkable for the variety and tion begins and ends often, before the conclusion, number of the personages, who exhibit more cha- and the different parts might change places withracters appropriated and discriminated, than per- out inconvenience; but its general power, that haps can be found in any other play. power by which all works of genius shall finally Whether Shakspeare was the first that produced be tried, is such, that perhaps it never yet had upon the English stage the effect of language dis-reader or spectator who did not think it too soon torted and depraved by provincial or foreign pro- at the end. nunciation, I cannot certainly decide. This mode JOHNSON |