Imatges de pàgina
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APRIL, 1812.




[Concluded from our last, page 87.]

At Easter 1779, it happened, by a particular providence, though wholly against my will, that I spent that festival in the settlement of the Brethren at Kleinwelke. The sermons I heard pleased me much; but, as I then thought, left no further impression on me. The Holy Spirit had however then, no doubt, kindled a spark of life in my cold heart, which hé afterwards blew up into a flame; for the year following I felt an inclination to repeat my visit; — which desire was readily moted by my friends.

During my abode there at that time, my most gracious Saviour was pleased to remove the veil from my hitherto blinded eyes. He revealed to me chiefly these truths: First, That only through and in the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ, grace and deliverance from the power of sin is to be obtained and, Secondly, That all my store of virtue, morality, and good works, was but a miserable spider's web. Now all my prejudices were removed; and at my taking leave, I wished for the happy disposition of Mary, of whom it is recorded, Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.'

Towards the end of the same year I paid another visit to Kleinwelke, to spend Christmas there; and this happy period will not through eternity remain unforgotten by me. then that I enjoyed that ever-blessed moment, in which my heart was closely knit to the heart of my matchless Saviour'; - that moment in which I obtained mercy for time and eternity! When, after a meeting of the congregation, which was uncommonly favoured by our Lord with grace and unction, and which had such an effect upon me as to shake my

house to the very foundation, lying prostrate at the feet of

my merciful Saviour, in my chamber; Nhad, on a sudden, a lively sensation of my being the very chief of sinners that ever approached him. There was no sin of which I did not find myself guilty, according to the spirit of the holy law of God;


It was


and I was on the brink of the abyss of despair. But I was enabled, by free grace, to pray in broken accents to this effect: - Lord Jesus ! if thou dost not shew mercy unto me, I must eternally, eternally perish! Ah! how tremendous is the black list of my sins! Thou hast sought and invited me from my youth; but, alas ! how unfaithful have I always proved! O Lord Jesus! I cannot, I will not attempt to help myself any longer. Thou wouldst indeed be just, if thou shouldst reject me from thy presence for ever. But, ah! deal not with me according to my deserts, but be my Saviour, that hath mercy on me! O wash and cleanse me in thy blood !

And He, that most compassionate High Priest and Friend of Sinners, whose heart was broken on Golgotha also for my salvation, stood at that moment, as it were, before the eyes of my spirit, as my Saviour and the Prince of Peace, wounded for my transgressions, and gave me a most convincing proof of his desire for my salvation ;-and I obtained then a satisfactory cvidence, that by one great act of grace he had forgiven me all my sins, and sanctified me for ever by his blood. All the sufferings of my beloved Saviour appeared most meritorious, even for me. All servile fear and dread vanished at once; for I felt, that with all my poverty and unworthiness, I was however His, and that He was mine!

What I now enjoyed as soon as this thought took possession of my breast,“ Lord Jesus! is it possible, that thou canst thus love vile sinners ? and how intensely I now had the happiness to love him in return; this it is out of my power to express in words. It will suffice to declare its truth to those who have had the same blessed experience.

From that time also I was emancipated from the slavery of sin, which I was no longer constrained to serve, being now under grace; and the power of Christ proving stronger than my sinful depravity. Ever since that time I had but one object with uny dear relations, to devote my life and all to Him who loved me, and gave himself for me. I proceeded for some time in faith and love, and truly fed on heavenly joys; insoinuch that it seemed at times nearly impossible for me to support that weight of bliss, even in a foretaste here, in this body. I would much rather have immediately departed this life, and have been at home with the Lord. But he thought preper, in process of time, to shew me, by new discoveries of the sinfulness of my nature, the need of a daily renewed assurance of his pardoning love, and cleansing in his blood. And as our gracious Lord, from the beginning of my awakening, led me in a strict way, so that I judged myself with great severity, I might easily have fallen into a legal course, if he had not at the same time guided me in the way of true evangelical sanctification, keeping me dependent upon his aid

on every approach of sin, and shewing me, that the Fountain opened for sin and uncleanliness must be continually resorted to;' and that as we are at first saved by faith in his blood, so we are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation, Thus, as I became more intimately acquainted with my depraved heart in all its secret recesses, true grace, through the blood of Jesus, shone more clearly into my soul with a cheering and heart-reviving lustre.

For some time past I had been afflicted with arthritic humours and pains, and was advised by my friends to use the baths at Radeberg, which I did in 1789, though without success. At first the school of affliction seemed to me rather hard, considering my youth, and I hoped yet to be relieved: but when I perceived, that I was to consider this illness as designed by my faithful Saviour to lead me in his hands of love, I made that same hour a covenant with him, that I would take it as sent by him, without repining at his dispensation : which covenant, I trusted, his grace would enable me to keep. From that time I was perfectly satisfied that I should never be fully restored from this afflictive disorder.

Willing as I had ever been to use the ordinary means, which, at least, might procure me some alleviation, I was, at the same time, averse to all extraordinary and far - fetched helps and medicines. I felt very sensibly, that iny best and truest friend, with whom I was in a perfectly good understanding in this particular, would not take it amiss in me, altho’ this might not be the case with a thousand other

persons. That fine similitude, Malachi iii. 2,. He is like a refiner's fire, and like fuller's soap,' was to me inexpressibly valuable. Often did I sigh, 'O my Saviour! if the ineans, which it is needful for thee to use in iny case, should require ever so much lixivium, I pray thee, employ it by all ineans, if I may but become clean. Not as though any other remedy but thy blood alone can be of use to me for


salvation : but, as out of gratitude to thee for all the labours I have cost thee, and that I may know more fully what is in my heart, I beseech thee, make this affliction a mean of applying the balm of thy precious blood unto me, that I may be wholly sanctified'

In 1790 I accompanied my brother on his journey to the baths at Lauchstadt; which were, however, of but little perceptible benefit to him or me. We then .continued together at Sassleben, in great weakness, yet happy and comfortable under the kind countenance of our unseen mighty Friend, till Marclı, 1791; when He, to whom I had wholly devoted myself, once for all, and at all events, was pleased to touch me in my most vulnerable part, calling away from my side, to rest at home with him, my own invaluable brother,


friend, and father, after a sickness of but five days. Among all ibe heavy trials I had to experience during my life, this proved to me the most affecting: for now I was at once deprived of him who was my most faithful earthly prop, the most dear and tender friend of my heart ;-but as our gracious Lord's manner of dealing with his dear children is always the most tender and soothing, he in this case also dealt with me; for he did not deprive me of such a precious treasure, without making ample amends, by gratifying one of the fondest wishes of my heart; for now he made my way clear, and opened a door for me to become an inhabitant of Kleinwelke, that favourite place of mine, on account of the grace of God there conferred on me, and exceedingly dear to me, through the union of heart which I felt with the people of God residing there. Having finished my last mournful business at Sassleben, I left that place after nine heavy weeks: and in August of this year, entered on the anticipation of my great Sabbath in this peaceful habitation, deeply bowed and thank, ful for the goodness of God.

My most beloved Saviour! I am not able to return the just tribute of gratitude due to thee for thy goodness and mercies, which have followed me all the days of my life. Ah! perfect now what is to be accomplished in me, that I may be every moment ready and waiting for the Bridegroom's coming! Thou wilt maintain thy covenant with my soul, and

enable me invariably to submit mine to thy holy will, that thou mayest do with nie all thy pleasure. I know thy loving hand, which' thou hast held over me from my youth up, and declare, that thou hast ever dealt most bountifully with me. I confess it with deep shame on my own account, but to thy praise, that thy thoughts have ever been, and still are alterably thoughts of peace towards me. This makes me firmly trust that thou wilt never leave nor forsake me, see, ing that thou canst not forsake me for thine own sake; until, when completely saved and comforted in thy presence, with joy unspeakable and full of glory, I shall join, at thy holy feet, in the new song of the redeemed:

• Thou hast purchas'd us with blood,

Thou hast brought us nigh to God!' The above was written at Kleinwelke, in Upper Lusatia, and dated October 12, 1791.-An intimate friend of hers adds the following:- Concerning the four last years of her abode with us in this place, she declared in her last illness, That it had been a scasou of self-annihilation, and a blessed school, in which the Spirit of God had been stripping her still more of every thing belonging to self; so that she had now nothing remaining but tree grace and mercy, on which alone she could rest her

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