Must fall at last to interest, folly, and abuse.
There is a noon-tide in our lives,

Which still the sooner it arrives,

Although we boast our winter-sun looks bright, And foolishly are glad to see it at its height, Yet so much sooper comes the long and gloomy night.

No conquest ever yet begun,

And by one mighty hero carried to its height,
E'er flourish'd under a successor or a son;

It lost some mighty pieces through all hands it pass'd,

And vanish'd to an empty title in the last:
For when the animating mind is fled,
(Which Nature never can retain,
Nor e'er call back again)

The body, though gigantic, lies all cold and dead.

And thus undoubtedly 'twill fare
With what unhappy men shall dare
To be successors to these great unknown
On Learning's high-establish'd throne.
Censure, and Pedantry, and Pride,
Numberless nations, stretching far and wide,
Shall (I forsee it) soon with Gothic swarms come
From Ignorance's universal north, [forth
And with blind rage break all this peaceful go-
vernment;

Yet shall these traces of your wit remain,
Like a just map, to tell the vast extent
Of conquest in your short and happy reign,
And to all future mankind show,

How strange a paradox is true,

That men, who lived and died without a name, Are the chief heroes in the sacred list of Fame.

MRS. HARRIS'S PETITION

TO THEIR EXCELLENCIES

THE LORDS JUSTICES OF IRELAND.

1701.

The humble petition of Frances Harris,

Who must starve, and die a maid, if it miscarries,

HUMBLY SHEWETH,

THAT I went to warm myself in Lady Betty's chamber, because I was cold;

And I had in a purse seven pounds four shillings and sixpence, besides farthings, in money

and gold:

So, because I had been buying things for my lady last night,

I was resolved to tell my money, to see if it was

right.

Now you must know, because my trunk has a very bad lock,

Therefore all the money I have, which, God knows, is a very small stock,

I keep in my pocket, tied about my middle, next to my smock:

So when I went to put up my purse, as God would have it, my smock was unripp'd, And, instead of putting it into my pocket, down it slipp'd:

Then the bell rung, and I went down to put my lady to bed;

And, God knows, I thought my money was as safe as my maidenhead :

So when I came up again, I found my pocket feel very light;

But when I search'd, and miss'd my purse, Lord! I thought I should have sunk outright. 'Lord! Madam, (says Mary,) how d'ye do? Indeed, (says I,) never worse;

.

'But pray, Mary, can you tell what I have done with my purse?'

'Lord help me! (said Mary) I never stirr❜d out of this place.'

Nay, (said I,) I had it in Lady Betty's chamber, that's a plain case.'

So Mary got me to bed, and cover'd me up warm; However, she stole away my garters, that I might do myself no harm:

So I tumbled and toss'd all night, as you may very well think,

But hardly ever set my eyes together, or slept a wink.

So I was a-dream'd, methought, that we went and search'd the folks round,

And in a corner of Mrs. Duke's box, tied in a rag, money was found.

the

So next morning we told Whittle, and he fell a

swearing;

Then my Dame Wadgar came, and she, you know, is thick of hearing:

‹ Dame, (said I, as loud as I could bawl,) do you know what a loss I have had?'

Nay (said she,) my Lord Colway's folks are all very sad;

For my Lord Dromedary comes a Tuesday without fail.'

[ail.'

‹ Pugh! (said I,) but that's not the business that I

Says Cary, says he, I have been a servant this five-and-twenty years come spring,

And in all the places I lived I never heard of such a thing.'

'Yes, (says the steward,) I remember, when I was at my Lady Shrewsbury's,

Such a thing as this happen'd just about the time of gooseberries.'

So I went to the party suspected, and I found her full of grief,

(Now you must know, of all things in the world, I hate a thief)

However, I was resolved to bring the discourse slily about:

'Mrs. Dukes, (said I,) here's an ugly accident has happen'd out:

'Tis not that I value the money three skips of a louse, But the thing I stand upon is the credit of the house.

'Tis true, seven pounds four shillings and sixpence makes a great hole in my wages; Besides, as they say, service is no inheritance in these ages.

Now Mrs. Dukes, you know, and every body understands,

That though 'tis hard to judge, yet money can't go without hands.'

'The devil take me,' said she, (blessing herself) If ever I saw 't:'

So she roar'd like a bedlam, as though I had call'd her all to naught.

So

you know, what could I say to her any more? I e'en left her, and came away as wise as I was before.

Well, but then they would have had me gone to the cunning man ;

No, (said I,) 'tis the same thing, the chaplain will be here anon.'

So the chaplain came in. Now the servants say he is my sweetheart.

Because he's always in my chamber, and I always take his part;

So, as the devil would have it, before I was aware, out I blunder'd,

· Parson (said I,) can you cast a nativity when a body's plunder'd?'

(Now you must know he hates to be call'd Parson like the devil)

Truly, (says he,) Mrs. Nab, it might become you to be more civil;

If your money be gone, as a learned divine says, d'ye see, [from me: You are no text for my handling; so take that I was never taken for a conjurer before, I'd have you to know.'

'Lord! (said I,) don't be angry, I am sure I never thought you so :

You know I honour the cloth; I design to be a parson's wife;

I never took one in your coat for a conjurer, in all my life.'

With that he twisted his girdle at me like a rope, as who should say,

Now you may go hang yourself for me, and so

went away.

Well; I thought I should have swoon'd. Lord!' (said I,) what shall I do?

I have lost my money, and shall lose my true

love too.'