der; that, peradventures, shall tell you another tale, [understand: that is, master Page, fidelicet, master if matters grow to your likings. Page; and there is myself, fidelicet, myself; and Ithe three party is, lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter. Page. I am glad to see your worships well: thank you for my venison, master Shallow. Page. We three, to hear it, and end it between Shal. Master Page, I am glad to see you; much good do it your good heart! I wished your venison them. better; it was ill killed:-how doth good mistress Page?-and I love you always with my heart, la;note-book; and we will afterwards 'ork upon the with my heart. Page. Sir, I thank you. Shal. Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do. Page. I am glad to see you, good master Slender. Slen. How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say, he was outrun on Cotsale. Page. It could not be judg'd, sir. Slen. You'll not confess, you'll not confess. Shal. That he will not;-tis your fault, 'tis your fault:-'tis a good dog. Page. A cur, sir. Shal. Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog; can there be more said? he is good, and fair.-Is sir John Falstaff here? Page. Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you. Eva. It is spoke as a christians ought to speak. Enter Sir John Falstaff, Bardolph, Nym, and Fal. Now, master Shallow; you'll complain of me to the king? Shal. Knight, you have beaten my men, killed! my deer, and broke open my lodge. Fal. But not kiss'd your keeper's daughter. Shal. The council shall know this. Fal. "Twere better for you, if it were known in counsel: you'll be laugh'd at. Eva. Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my cause, with as great discreetly as we can. Pist. He hears with ears. Eva. The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, He hears with ear? Why, it is affectatious. Fal. Pistol, did you pick master Slender's purse? Slen. Ay, by these gloves, did he (or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else,) of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards," that cost me two shilling and two pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves. Fal. Is this true, Pistol? Eva. No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse. I combat challenge of this latten bilbo : Bard. And being fap" sir, was as they say, cashier'd; and so conclusions pass'd the careires. Slen. Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick: if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves. Eva. So Got 'udge me, that is a virtuous mind. Fal. You hear all these matters denied, gentle men; you hear it. Eva. Pauca verba, Sir John, good worts. Fal. Good worts! good cabbage.-Slender, I broke your head; what matter have you against Enter Mistress Anne Page with wine; Mistress Ford and Mistress Page following. me? Slen. Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you; and against your conev-catching rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They carried me to the tavern, and made me drunk, and afterwards picked my pocket. Bar. You Banbury cheese!4 Pist. How now, Mephostophilus ?' Nym. Slice, I say! pauca, pauca; slice! that's my humour. Slen. Where's Simple, my man?-can you tell, cousin? [Exeunt all but Shal. Slend, and Evans. Slen. I had rather than forty shillings, I had my of songs and sonnets here: (7) King Edward's shillings, used in the game of shuffle-board. (9) Lips. (11) Drunk, (8) Blade as thin as a lath. Enter Simple. How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not The Book of Riddles about you, have you? Sim. Book of Riddles ! why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake, upon Allhallowmas last, fortnight afore Michaelmas?1 a Shal. Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with you, coz: marry, this, coz; there is, as 'twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by sir Hugh here;-do you understand me? Slen. Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so, I shall do that that is reason. Shal. Nay, but understand me. Slen. So I'do, sir. Era. Give ear to his motions, master Slender : I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it. Slen. Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here. Eva. But that is not the question; the question is concerning your marriage. Shal. Ay, there's the point, sir. Eva. Marry, is it; the very point of it; to mistress Anne Page. Slen. Why, if it be so, I will marry her, upon any reasonable demands. Eva. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold, that the lips is parcel of the mouth; therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid? Shal. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her? Slen. I hope, sir,-I will do, as it shall become one that would do reason. Eva. Nay, Got's lords and his ladies, you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her. Shal. That you must: will you, upon good dowry, marry her? Slen. I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason. Sha!. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz what I do, is to pleasure you, coz; Can you love the maid? ; Slen. I will marry her, sir, at your request; but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married, and have more occasion to know one another: I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt: but if you say, marry her, I will marry her, that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely. Eva. It is a fery discretion answer; save, the faul' is in the 'ort dissolutely: the 'ort is, according to our meaning, resolutely;-his meaning is good. Shal. Ay, I think my cousin meant well. Slen. Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la. Re-enter Anne Page. Shal. Here comes fair mistress Anne:-Would I were young, for your sake, mistress Anne! Anne. The dinner is on the table; my father desires your worships' company. Shal. I will wait on him, fair mistress Anne. Eva. Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace. Exeunt Shal, and Sir H. Evans. An intended blunder. Anne. Will't please your worship to come in, sir Slen. No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well. Anne. The dinner attends you, sir. Slen. I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth: Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go, wait upon my cousin Shallow: [Exit Simple.] A justice o peace sometime may be beholden to his friend for man:-I keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead: but what though? yet I live like a poor gentleman born. a Anne. I may not go in without your worship: they will not sit, till you come. Slen. I'faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as though I did. Anne. I pray you, sir, walk in. Slen. I had rather walk here, I thank you: I bruised my shin the other day with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence, three veneys2 for a dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town? Anne. I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of. Slen. I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel at it, as any man in England:-you are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not? Anne. Ay, indeed, sir. Slen. That's meat and drink to me now: I have scen Sackerson loose, twenty times; and have taken him by the chain: but, I warrant you, the women have so cried and shriek'd at it, that it pass'd:4-but women, indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favoured rough things. Sim. Well, sir. Eva. Nay, it is petter yet:-give her this letter; for it is a 'oman that altogether's acquaintance with mistress Anne Page; and the letter is, to desire and require her to solicit your master's desires to mistress Ann Page: I pray you, be gone; I will make an end of my dinner; there's pippins and cheese to come. [Exeunt, (3) The name of a bear exhibited at Paris-Gar. den, in Southwark, (4) Surpassed all expression, G SCENE III-A room in the Garter Inn. Enter gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly. Fal. Mine host of the Garter, Host. What says my bully-rook? Speak scholarly, and wisely. Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers. Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot. Fal. I sit at ten pounds a week. Host. Thou'rt an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and Host. I have spoke; let him follow: let me see Pist. Then did the sun on dunghill shine. Nym. I thank thee for that humour. Fal. O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye Here's another letter to her: she bears the purse too: she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheater4 to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this letter to mistress Page; and thou this to mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive. Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer, take all ! the humour letter; I will keep the 'haviour of reNym. I will run no base humour; here, take putation. Fal. Hold, sirrah, [to Rob.] bear you these letters tightly; 5 Fal. Bardolph, follow him; a tapster is a good trade: an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a wither-Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.ed serving-man, a fresh tapster: go; adieu. Bard. It is a life that I have desired; I will Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hail-stones, go; Trudge, plod, away, o' the hoof; seek shelter, thrive. [Exit Bard. Pist. O base Gongarian' wight! wilt thou the Falstaff will learn the humour of this age, pack! spigot wield? French thrift, you rogues; myself, and skirted page. [Exeunt Falstaff and Robin. Pist. Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds, Nym. He was gotten in drink: is not the humour conceited? His mind is not heroic, and] there's the humour of it. Fal. I am glad, I am so acquit of this tinderbox; his thefts were too open: his filching was like an unskilful singer, he kept not time. Nym. The good humour is, to steal at a minute's rest. Pist. Convey, the wise it call: steal! foh; a fico2 for the phrase! Fal. Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels. Fal. There is no remedy; I must coney-catch; I must shift. Pist. Young ravens must have food. Fal. Which of you know Ford of this town? Pist. I ken the wight; he is of substance good. Fal. My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about. Pist. Two yards, and more. And high and low beguile the rich and poor: Nym. I have operations in my head, which be humours of revenge. Pist. Wilt thou revenge? By welkin, and her star Pist. With wit, or steel? With both the humours, I; I will discuss the humour of this love to Page. How Falstaff, varlet vile, His dove will prove, his gold will hold, Nym. My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mien is dangerous: that is my true humour. 9 Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents: I second thee; troop on. [Exeunt. Fal. No quips now, Pistol; indeed, I am in the waist two yards about: but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's wife; I spy entertainment in her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I can construe the action of her fa- SCENE IV.A room in Dr. Caius' house. Enter miliar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be English'd rightly, is, I am Sir John Falstaff's. Pist. He hath studied her well, and translated her well; out of honesty into English. Nym. The anchor is deep: will that humour pass? Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse; she hath legions of angels. Mrs. Quickly, Simple, and Rugby. Quick. What: John Rugby!-I pray thee, go to the casement, and see if you can see my master, master Doctor Caius, coming: if he do, i'faith, and find any body in the house, here will be an old abusing of God's patience, and the king's English. Rug. I'll go watch. [Exit Rugby. Quick. Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire. Pist. As many devils entertain; and, To her, An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant boy, say I. shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no Nym. The humour rises; it is good: humour tell-tale, nor no breed-bate: 10 his worst fault is, me the angels. Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her: and here another to Page's wife; who even now gave me good eyes too, examin'd my parts with most judicious eyliads: sometimes the beam of her view For Hungarian. (2) Fig. (3) Gold coin. Escheatour, an officer in the Exchequer. (5) Cleverly, (6) False dice. that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish1i (7) Sixpence I'll have in pocket. (10) Strife. Sim. Ay, forsooth. Quick. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring-knife? For my master, in the way of marriage. Sim. No forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard; a Cain-coloured beard. Quick. A softly-sprighted man, is he not? [writes. Sim. Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall' a man of Quick. I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been his hands, as any is between this and his head: he thoroughly moved, you should have heard him so hath fought with a warrener.2 loud, and so melancholy ;-but notwithstanding, Quick. How say you ?—O, I should remember man, I'll do your master what good I can: and, him; does he not hold up his head, as it were ? and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master,-I may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself; strut in his gait? Sim. Yes, indeed, does he. Quick. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell master parson Evans, I will do what I can for your master: Anne is a good girl, and wish Re-enter Rugby. I Sim. 'Tis a great charge, to come under one body's hand. Quick. Are you advis'd o' that? you shall find it a great charge: and to be up early, and down late ;but notwithstanding (to tell you in your ear I Rug. Out, alas! here comes my master. would have no words of it;) my master himself is Quick. We shall all be shent: run in here, good in love with mistress Anne Page: but notwithyoung man; go into this closet. [Shuts Simple in standing that, I know Anne's mind,—that's nei· the closet.] He will not stay long.-What, John ther here nor there. Rugby! John, what, John, I say!-Go, John, go Caius. You jack'nape; give-a dis letter to sır inquire for my master; I doubt, he be not well, Hugh; by gar, it is a shallenge: I vill cut his troat that he comes not home and down, down, in de park; and I vill teach a scurvy jack-a-nape adown-a, &c. [Sings. priest to meddle or make:-you may be gone; it is not good you tarry here:-by gar, I will cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to trow at his dog. [Exit Simple. Quick. Alas, he speaks but for his friend. Caius. It is no matter-a for dat:-do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? -by gar, I vill kill de Jack priest; and I have apQuick. Ay, forsooth, I'll fetch it you. I am glad pointed mine host of de Jarterre to measure our he went not in himself; if he had found the young weapon:-by gar, I vill myself have Anne Page. man, he would have been horn-mad. Enter Doctor Caius. Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys; Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier verd; a box, a green-a box; do íntend vat I speak? a green-a box. [Aside. Caius. Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m'en vais à la cour,-la grand affaire. Quick. Is it this, sir? Caius. Ouy; mette le au mon pocket; depeche, Calus. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby: come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to de court. Rug. 'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch. Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long:-Od's me! Qu'ay j'oublié ? dere is some simples in my closet, dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind. Quick. Ah me! he'll find the young man there, and be mad. Caius. O diable, diable! vat is in my closet?Villany! larron! [Pulling Simple out.] Rugby, my rapier. Quick. Good master, be content. Caius. Verefore shall I be content-a? Quick. The young man is an honest man. Caius. Vat shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet. Quick. I beseech you, be not so flegmatic; hear the truth of it: he came of an errand to me from parson Hugh. Caius. Vell. Sim. Ay, forsooth, to desire her to- Caius. Peace-a your tongue:-Speak-a your tale. Quick. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well: we must give folks leave to prate: What, the good-jer!4 Caius. Rugby, come to the court vit me;-by gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door:-Follow my heels, Rugby. [Exeunt Caius and Rugby. Quick. You shall have An fools-head of your own. No, I know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven. Fent. [Within.] Who's within there, ho? Quick. Who's there, I trow? Come near the house, I pray you. Enter Fenton. Fent. How now, good woman; how dost thou ? Quick. The better, that it pleases your good worship to ask. Fent. What news? how does pretty mistress Anne? Quick. In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it. Fent. Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? Shall I not lose my suit? Quick. Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but notwithstanding, master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a book, she loves you:-Have not your worship a wart above your eye? Fent. Yes, marry, have I; what of that? (4) The goujere, what the pox! It is such another Nan:-but, I detest,' an honest show you to the contrary: O, mistress Page, give maid as ever broke bread:--We had an hour's me some counsel! talk of that wart;-I shall never laugh but in that Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman? maid's company.-But, indeed, she is given too Mrs. Ford. O woman, if it were not for one much to allicholly2 and musing: but for you-trifling respect, I could come to such honour! Well, go to. Mrs. Page, Hang the trifle, woman; take the Fent. Well, I shall see her to-day: hold, there's honour: what is it?-dispense with trifles;-what money for thee; let me have thy voice in my be- is it? half: if thou seest her before ine, commend me- Mrs. Ford. If I would but go to hell for an Quick. Will I? i'faith, that we will: and I will eternal moment, or so, I could be knighted. tell your worship more of the wart, the next time we have confidence; and of other wooers. Fent. Well, farewell; I am in great haste now. Quick. Farewell to your worship.-Truly, an honest gentleman; but Aune loves him not; for I know Anne's mind as well as another does :Ont upon't! what have I forgot? [Exit. ACT II. Mrs. Page. What?-thou liest !-Sir Alice Ford!--These knights will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry. [Exit. Mrs. Ford. We burn day-light-here, read, read;-perceive how I might be knighted.—I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking: and yet he would not swear; praised women's modesty: and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words: but they do no more adhere and keep place together, than the hundredth psalm to the tune of Green Sleeves. What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think the best fire of lust have melted him in his own grease. Did way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked SCENE I-Before Page's house. Enter Mistress Page, with a letter. you ever hear the like? Mrs. Page. What have I 'scaped love-letters in the holy-day time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me see: [reads. Ask me no reason why I love you; for though of Page and Ford differs!-To thy great comfort Mrs. Page. Letter for letter; but that the name love use reason for his precisian, he admits him in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twin not for his counsellor: You are not young, no brother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for, more am I; go to then, there's sympathy: you I protest, mine never shall. I warrant, he hath a are merry, so am I; ha! ha! then there's more thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for sympathy: you love sack, and so do I would different names (sure more,) and these are of the you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, second edition: he will print them out of doubt: mistress Page (at the least, if the love of a soldier for he cares not what he puts into the press, when can suffice,) that I love thee. I will not say, pity he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess, 'tis not a soldier-like phrase; but I say, love and lie under mount Pelion. Well, I will find you me, me. By me, twenty lascivious turtles, cre one chaste man. What a Herod of Jewry is this !-O wicked, wicked world!-one that is well nigh worn to pieces with age, to show himself a young gallant! Mrs. Ford. Boarding, call you it? I'll be sure What an unweighed behaviour hath this Flemish to keep him above deck. drunkard picked (with the devil's name) out of my Mrs. Page. So will I; if he come under my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay hatches, I'll never to sea again. Let's be revenged me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my compa- on him: let's appoint him a meeting: give him a ny!-What should I say to him?-I was then show of comfort in his suit; and lead him on with frugal of my mirth :-heaven forgive me!-Why, la fine-baited delay, till he hath pawn'd his horses I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting to mine host of the Garter. down of men. for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings. How shall I be revenged on him? Enter Mistress Ford. Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to your house. Mrs. Page. And, trust me, I was coming to you. You look very ill. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary. Mrs. Page, Faith, but you do, in my mind. (1) She.means, I protest. (2) Melancholy. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy. Mrs. Page. Why, look, where he comes; and my good man too: he's as far from jealousy, as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance. Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman. Enter Ford, Pistol, Page, and Nym. |