1796.

Diary and Correspondence continued.

He has

JANUARY 5. Friday. Still I find cause to make mention of the loving-kindness of the Lord. Since last Friday, my God has, in various ways, shown me his goodness. On Sunday last, I was permitted to show forth the death of Jesus, when he spoke to my heart by his servant. allowed some sweet seasons in secret prayer, with much of the communion of saints. Yesterday, as often on the same occasion, he was remarkably gracious when I was with a few of his children in social prayer. Jesus drew sweetly and most sensibly nigh: O how glorious did he appear to the eye of faith! How altogether lovely! How irresistibly attractive is his love! Through him, I had access to Jehovah, whose divine presence I as sensibly felt; but it was in all the dignity of God the Father, which solemnized my mind, and filled with sacred awe, so that I rejoiced with deep reverence. This distinction, in the manifestation of Divine love proceeding more immediately from Jehovah himself, uniformly marks all the intercourse I am privileged to enjoy with him. I pant for power to improve it more, by earnest prayer. I feel as if hitherto I had asked nothing, while the Lord seems to say, "Ask, and receive, that your joy may be full." Through mercy, I am still kept as in the dust. My views of self are truly humbling; and I am still desirous of lying lower, as preparatory to larger attainments in the divine life. My evidences of sanctification have not been so clear. I have been resting too much in present enjoyment; but the Lord calls on me to press forward. I get more extensive views of entire devotion of heart and life. Help me, Holy Father,

to attain. I am drawn to a greater and more constant realizing of the divine presence, and to an enduring, as seeing Him who is invisible.

March 25, Friday. I have nothing to say for myself, if it is not to confess and mourn over my short-comings. I feel it painful to have this so often to repeat; but so it is. O my God, shall I ever live at this poor dying rate? Forbid it, gracious Lord! Let a stroke of Omnipotence set me free, from this inability to live up to my privileges. I would, with thy servant of old, be able to say, though "of myself I can do nothing, Through Christ strengthening me, I can do all things." Hasten, Holy Father, the happy time.

I had again another opportunity of renewing my engagement to be the Lord's, at his own table, on Sunday last; where he was gracious. When joining the congregation, in that delightful part of public worship, singing the praise of God, the great Master of the Gospel-feast came down in the power of his Spirit. Jesus was nigh, and very precious, during a sermon from the 5th and 6th verses of the fifty-third chapter of Isaiah. God the Father also condescended to visit with a sweet sense of his presence. My inmost soul felt pierced with deep astonishment at the height and depth of redeeming love. It seemed a mystery, my limited understanding could not comprehend; and, indeed, how should finite minds fully understand the doings of an Infinite Being? I bless the Lord, who has given me to believe and taste of redeeming love, which is more necessary; and daily to thirst after an increase. On the whole, it was a most solemn time, and I hope, profitable. On Monday I had a sweet visit from the adorable Son of God, when at a throne of grace. In the evening, a spirit of prayer seemed to rest on me while joining with a few living souls; some of whom were wrestling with the Lord, in all the power of prayer, in behalf of all present, of the work of God, and for the best interests of mankind in general. Jehovah came down; my whole soul confessed a present God. O why do not these precious manifestations, so often repeated, prove of a more transforming nature! O my God, remove the cause, that I may praise thee! The

For

Lord has granted another of my requests, since last date;
and one more seems in a good train. Surely he heareth the
cries of his children. O my God, remember especially one
of these still unanswered; it is well known to thee, with the
necessity of it. Let me have cause to praise thee for a
favourable answer to it before I again take up my pen.
April 8, Friday. Again I take up my pen, and though
I have mercy to record, still I feel cause to mourn.
some weeks, I seem to have been brought into straits, that
I might see a display and breaking forth of the glory of my
God afresh. For this I have waited, and looked, and
prayed; but still his chariot-wheels delay. At times, I must
own there has been something of this kind; but it was not
lasting. Yesterday, for a few minutes, I prayed to Him as
circumstances would permit, and of a truth he quickly
answered; prayer brought him down; in a moment he was
nigh; and I felt, "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is
liberty." A song of praise was put in my mouth: it seemed
as if I was on holy ground. A reverential awe, sweetly
The Second Person
tempered with love, rested upon me.
in the adorable Trinity also visited me, and brought with
him a heaven of love. I felt as if Deity was present, and
passing quickly before me; yet leaving the divine impress
behind. My mouth was opened, I was saved from sterility
of thought, and barrenness of expression, and I made mention
of the loving-kindness of the Lord: when He is nigh, every
mountain flows down, and streams break out in the desert.
On Sabbath-morning last, also, in public, I felt a lively, deep,
solemn sense of the presence of Jehovah; it seemed to arrest
all the powers of my mind; but it is something still greater,
and permanent, that I look and long for. Strongly impressed
with the necessity of constant prayer, I would be pouring out
my heart continually; yet often, when I bow my knee, all my
kindling ardours die away; and at night I have the mortifi-
cation to find another day gone, and little gained: I feel
bowed down on these accounts. Shall my desires always so
far outstrip my attainments? O my Father, let it not be.
In temporal concerns, desire is termed the hectic of the fool;

but not so surely in spiritual matters. Convince me, O thou Hearer of prayer, that it is not.

September 30, Friday. Since my last, my joys and comforts have run in a low channel. At times, when calling to remembrance the goodness of my God, immediate comfort has sprung up in my heart; but it has not long continued. Temptations have not been wanting, to call in question what was spoken from on high. It has been asked, "Has the Lord indeed said so?" This hath been the manner of the grand adversary of God's people from the beginning. Lord, counteract all his malicious designs against me, and enable me to rise superior to them all. Upon the whole, since Saturday last, I have felt much languor of spirit, which grieves me; yet my God hath given me victory, sensible victory, in some cases, and I look for more. I have felt much the want of a wrestling spirit in secret prayer; yet I have proved it good to wait on the Lord in that exercise. I have been in heaviness through manifold temptations, and some perplexities. I feel we are come to a most eventful period. Great events seem in the womb of Providence; prospects are dark as to some things, cheering as to others: judgment seems at hand. And yet the right hand of the Lord is in appearance made bare, in the conversion of sinners in many places; in a growing spirit of prayer poured on multitudes; and the hearts of thousands are stirred up, to seek the conversion of heathen nations; while a spirit of inquiry seems resting on many of God's ancient people; with other appearances that would lead to hope, the time for their return is drawing nigh. Lord, thou knowest all things, and sittest at the helm of affairs, with the reins of providential government in thy hands: this is matter of solid comfort to thy people. O shine more fully on the soul of thy handmaid, and enable her, in every situation, so to trust in thee, as to be kept in perfect peace. Have mercy on our sinful island, seemingly ripe for judgments. Help, Lord, for the glory of thy Name.

October 28, Friday. My God has been gracious since my last date. On Sabbath last, the word preached in the

morning, from Revelation, xx. 12, He made a word of consolation, of quickening, of instruction: I felt Deity to be very nigh. By faith, I had such a realizing view of the triumphant entry of the Lord Jesus into heaven upon his ascension, after having finished his great work in the redemption of mankind, as astonished me. Lord, make it profitable. On Monday evening, in my way to the house of the Lord, God the Father so manifested himself to me, as I can no ways express. For a moment, I started back, fearing it might prove a prelude to great sufferings, but I soon recovered, and still, when I look up to him I feel him at hand. How is it, Lord, that I do not make greater progress? Thou art good, and my soul pants after the full possession of every new covenant blessing. O Lord, transform me more fully into the divine image; and let thy Spirit witness with mine that I do love thee with all my heart. O fill me with the fruit of the Spirit, and make me much more useful to thy church and people. Thou knowest I esteem this my highest honour, and richest privilege. I fear living a useless life: forbid it, Lord. I deeply feel my short-comings; let me not always make my moan: put a song in my mouth, and enable me every moment to live by faith upon thy Son. Without him, I can do nothing. The tide of satanical temptation has not run so high these last eight days. May patience have its perfect work in every trying

time.

December 30. In the course of Providence, I am brought now very near the close of another year. O that every revolving season may find me improved and advanced in the divine life. I would hope, in some degree, they meet me most sincerely aiming at this; and that, though slowly, they find me in motion. Greatly quicken it, gracious Lord. Yesterday my God gave me a token for good. In the midst of hurry, he drew unexpectedly near, and spread a heavenly tranquillity through my mind; and just after, opened my mouth remarkably in conversation with one of his own ministering saints, upon the rich privileges of the Christian, even in this life. Soon after, when with three of his ministering servants, in the course of prayer, praise, and Christian