tentive, as even the poor people of Frederica did, while the word of God was new to their ears. And it may

be, one or two among these likewife, may bring forth fruit with patience.

Mond. 2. Being forrowful and very heavy, (though I could give no particular reafon for it) and utterly unwilling to fpeak clofe to any of my little flock (about 20 perfons) I was in doubt, whether my neglect of them was not one caufe of my own heavinefs. In the evening therefore, I begun inftructing the cabin boy; after which I was much easier.

I went feveral times the following days, with a defign to fpeak to the failors, but could not. I mean, I was quite averfe from speaking; I could not see how to make an occafion, and it feemed quite absurd to fpeak without. Is not this what men commonly mean by, "I could not fpeak?" and is this, a fufficient caufe of filence, or no? Is it a prohibition from the good fpirit? Or a temptation from nature or the 'evil one? Frid. 6, I ended the abridgment of Mr. 'de Renty's Life. O that fuch a life fhould be related by fuch a Hiftorian! Who by inferting all, if not more than all the weak things that holy man ever 'faid or did, by his commendation of almost every action or word which either deferved or needed it not; 'and by his injudicious manner of relating many others, which were indeed highly commendable; has caft the fhade of fuperftition and folly over one of the brightest 'patterns of heavenly wifdom.

Sat. 7. I began to read and explain fome paffages of the Bible to the young Negro. The next morning, another Negro who was on board, desired to be a hearer too. From them I went to the poor Frenchman, who underftanding no English, had none elfe in the fhip with whom he could converíe. And from this time, I read "and explained to him a chapter in the Teftament every 'morning.

Sund. 8. In the fulness of my heart, I wrote the following words:

"By the most infallible of proofs, inward feeling, I Jam convinced

1.

"Of unbelief, having no fuch faith in Chrift, as will prevent my heart from being troubled; which it could not be, if I believed in God, and rightly believed alfo in Him:

2. "Of

2. Of pride, throughout my life paft, inafmuch as I thought I had, what I find I have not:

3. Of grofs irrecollection, inafmuch as in a storm | I cry to God every moment; in a çalm, not.

4. Of levity and luxuriancy of fpirit, recurring whenever the preffure is taken off, and appearing by my fpeaking words not tending to edify; but most, by the manner of fpeaking of my enemies."

"Lord fave, or I perifh! Save me

1.

"By fuch a faith as implies peace in life and in death."

2. "By fuch humility, as may fill my heart from this hour for ever, with a piercing uninterrupted fenfe, *Nihil eft quod hactenus feci, having evidently built. without a foundation."

3. "By fuch a recollection as may cry to thee every moment, especially when all is calm; give me faith or \ I die; give me a lowly fpirit; otherwife Mihi non fit fuave vivere."

4. By fteadiness, seriousness, Eurons, fobriety of fpirit, avoiding as fire every word that tendeth not to edifying, and never fpeaking of any who oppose me, or fin against GOD, without all my own fins fet in array before my face."

This morning, after explaining those words of St. Paul, "I beseech you, Brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye prefent your bodies a living facrifice, holy, acceptable to GoD," I exhorted my fellow-travellers, with all my might, to comply with the Apostle's direction. But leaving them afterwards to themfelves, the feriousness they fhewed at firft, foon vanifhed away.

Not if

On Mond. 9. and the following days, I reflected much on that vain defire which had pursued me for so many years, of being in folitude, in order to be a Christian. I have now, thought I, folitude enough. But am I therefore the nearer being a Christian? JESUS CHRIST be the model of Chriftianity. I doubt indeed I am much nearer that mystery of Satan, which fome writers affect to call by that name, So near, that I had probably funk wholly into it, had not the great mercy of Gon just now thrown me upon upon reading I have done nothing hitherto,

Let Life be a Burden to me.

S. Cyprian's works. "O my foul, come not thou into their fecret! Stand thou in the good old paths."

Frid. 13. We had a thorough ftorm, which obliged us to fhut all close, the sea breaking over the fhip continually. I was at firft afraid; but cried to GoD and was ftrengthened. Before ten I lay down, I blefs GOD, without fear. About midnight we were awaked by a confused noise, of seas and wind and men's voices, the like to which I had never heard before. The found of the fea breaking over, and against the fides of the fhip, I could compare to nothing but large cannon, or American thunder. The rebounding, ftarting, quivering motion of the fhip, much refembled what is faid of earthquakes. The captain was upon deck in an inftant. But his men could not hear what he faid. It blew a proper hurricane; which beginning at South Weft, then went Weft, North-weft, North, and in a quarter. of an hour, round by the Eaft to the South-west point again. At the fame time the fea running (as they term it) mountains high, and that from many different points at once; the fhip would not obey the helm; nor indeed could the fteeriman, through the violent rain, fee the compass. So he was forced to let her run before the wind, and in half an hour the stress of the storm was

over.

About noon the next day it ceafed. But first I had refolved, GoD being my helper, not only to preach it to all, but to apply the word of God to every fingle' foul in the fhip: and if but one, yea if not one of them will hear, I know my Labour is not in vain.

I no fooner executed this refolution, than my fpirit revived; fo that from this day I had no more of that fearfulness and heaviness, which before almost continu ally weighed me down. I am fenfible one who thinks the being in Orco, as they phrafe it, an indifpenfable preparative for being a Chriftian, would fay, I had 'better have continued in that state; and that this unfeasonable relief was a curfe, not a bleffing. Nay, but who art thou, O man, who in favour of a wretched hypothefis, thus blafphemeft the good gift of GOD? Hath not he himself faid, "This alfo is the gift of GOD, if a man have power to rejoice in his labour? Yea, God fetteth his own feal to his weak endeavours, while he thus "anfwereth him in the joy of his heart."

Tuef.

Tuef. 24. We spoke with two fhips, outward bound, from whom we had the welcome news, of our wanting but 160 leagues of the land's end. My mind was now full of thought; part of which I writ down as follows:

"I went to America, to convert the Indians: but oh! Who fhall convert me! Who, what is he that will deliver ine from this evil heart of unbelief? I have a fair fummer-religion. I can talk well; nay, and be lieve myself, while no danger is near: But let death look me in the face, and my fpirit is troubled. Nor can I fay, To die is gain!

"I have a fin of fear, that when I've spun

My laft thread, I fhall perifh on the fhore!"

"I think, verily, if the Gofpel be true, I am fafe: for I not only have given, and do give all my goods to feed the poor; I not only give my body to be burned, drowned, or whatever God fhall appoint for me; but I follow after Charity (tho' not as I ought, yet as I can) if haply I may attain it. I now believe the Gofpel is true. I fhew my faith by my works, by ffaking my all upon it. I would do fo again and again a thousand times, if the choice were ftill to make. Whoever fees me, fees I would be a Chriftian. Therefore are my ways not like other men's ways. Therefore I have been,

I

I am, I am content to be, a by-word, a proverb of reproach. But in a storm I think, "What if the gospel be not true? Then thou art of all men moft foolish. For what haft thou given thy goods, thy eafe, thy friends, thy reputation, thy country, thy life? For what art thou wandering over the face of the earth? A dream, a cunningly devifed fable? O who will deliver me from this fear of death! What fhall I do? Where fhall I fly from it! Should I fight against it by thinking, or by not thinking of it ? A wife man advised me fome time fince, "Be ftill and go on." Perhaps this is beft. To look upon it as my cross: When it comes, to let it humble me, and quicken all my good refolutions, especially that of praying without ceafing; and other times to take no thought about it, but quietly to go on in the work of the Lord."

We went on with a small, fair wind, till Thursday in the afternoon, and then founding, found a whitish fand at 75 fathom; But having had no obfervation

for feveral days, the Captain began to be uneafy, fearing we might either get unawares into the Briftol chan nel, or strike in the night on the rocks of Scilly.

Sat. 28. Was another cloudy day but about ten in the morning (the wind continued foutherly) the clouds began to fly juft contrary to the wind, and to the furprize of us all funk down under the fun, fo that at noon we had an exact observation; and by this we found we were as well as we could defire, about eleven leagues fouth of Scilly.

Sund. 29. We faw English land once more, which about noon appeared to be the Lizard Point. We ran by it with a fair wind, and at noon the next day, made the weft end of the Isle of Wight.

Here the wind turned against us, and in the evening blew fresh, fo that we expected (the tide being likewife Strong against us) to be driven fome leagues backward in the night but in the morning, to our great furprize, we faw Beachy-Head juft before us, and found we had gone forwards near forty miles.

Toward evening was a calm; but in the night a ftrong north-wind brought us fafe into the Downs. The day before, Mr. Whitefield had failed out, neither of us then knowing any thing of the other. At four in the morning we took boat, and in half an hour landed at Deal: It being Wednesday, February 1. the Anniverfary Feftival in Georgia for Mr. Oglethorpe's landing there.

It is now two years and almoft four months, fince I left my native country, in order to teach the Georgian Indians, the Nature of Christianity. But what have I learned myself in the mean time? Why (what I the leaft of all fufpected) that I who went to America to convert others, was never myself converted to GoD. I am not mad, tho' I thus fpeak; but I fpeak the words of truth and fobernefs; if haply fome of thofe who fill dream may awake, and fee, that as I am, fo are they..

Are they read in Philofophy? So was I. In antient or modern Tongues? So was I also. Are they verfed in the Science of Divinity? I too have ftudied it many years. Can they talk fluently upon fpiritual things? The very fame could I do. Are they plenteous in Alms? Behold, I gave all my goods to feed the poor. they give. of their labour as well as their fubftance? I have

Do