as I said before, only a suit of flannels. But he knew various people within a small radius who between them could fit him out with a kit suitable for the City. On me he always reckoned for the tophat, for our heads were much of a size. 'I'm going up to town,' he said, 'to raise that quid

you about. I've no right to ask you,

I spoke to

but if you

And I won't

And may I

You shall

could lend me half a crown for my fare, till tomorrow, I should be awfully obliged. bother you again for ever so long. borrow your hat? Thanks awfully! have that back.' And he sped on his way to borrow Hamley's frock-coat, and Lamley's trousers, and Bramley's patent-leather boots. In the course of an hour or two he presented himself at the offices of Hiram Schwarzchild, the great financier, and sent up his card. Whether the merchant-prince mistook him for someone else or not I cannot say, but Schroder was shortly ushered into the august presence, and, quite unabashed, opened the conversation. I have called, sir, in the hope of interesting you in a little industrial venture we are bringing out. Indeed, I am sanguine of persuading you to become our chairman' -Really, sir,' stammered Schwarzchild, almost dumb with amazement, 'I don't know you, and I am not at all disposed

Kindly hear me out,' rejoined Schroder calmly. 'This is the draft prospectus. Quite in the rough, I

need hardly tell you: The Botting Hair-Restorer Company, Limited; capital, £30,000 in 30,000 shares of £1 each, whereof 40 are Founders' Shares. Issue of 29,960 ordinary shares payable as follows 'I cannot spare you any more of my time, sir,' interrupted the financier. Will 'Will you be so good as to 'Directors,' read out Schroder: 'Captain Tanner, R.N., Major Belcher, Mr. Fuller, Mr. Schroder-that is myself-Dr. Botting, who will join the board after allotment. Temporary offices: the Ship Hotel, Halliford.' 'Leave my office!' cried Schwarzchild. 'If you prefer that we should work it privately-just you and I,' suggested Schroder, in a rather confidential undertone. 'Mr. Schmitz,' shrieked the merchant, turn this man out!' But Schroder changed his tactics. He appealed to Mr. Schwarzchild, told him that he was an orphan, that he had never had a chance, that at last he had been dazzled by the prospect of making a fortune out of this discovery that he held in his hand-a discovery recently made by a distressed man of science, and in which, despite Mr. Schwarzchild's indifference, he still believed there was a fortune. He even contrived to weep. Mr. Schwarzchild, who was a generously disposed man, softened towards the disappointed young stranger, and offered him a sovereign. 'No, sir,' replied Schroder. not quite reduced to that. But, so that there shall

I'm

HOSPITALITY UNDER DIFFICULTIES

137

be no element of favour in the matter, I will sell you this receipt for the nominal sum of £5.' And feeling that it was, after all, not much to pay to get rid of so persistent a visitor, Mr. Schwarzchild paid the money and secured all rights in the Botting

nostrum.

One morning Schroder ran into the road opposite the Anchor and stopped three of his friends. 'Come in, you fellows!' he cried, beaming all over his face. Then he added, in an exultant whisper, 'There's a new barmaid, and she doesn't yet know I'm not allowed credit! The four boon companions trooped into the little bar. Good-morning, Miss Middleditch,' said Schroder politely. We want—

6

let's see two best Scotch whiskies, one brandy, one gin, and a large and a small seltzer divided. And won't you join us yourself, Miss Middleditch ?' 'Oh, thanks,' said that young lady languidly, 'I don't mind if I have a little drop of Benedictine.' 'Ah, that's right,' said Schroder cordially, adding, 'My number's 22.' The damsel served the drinks with the air of a banished peeress, humming a melancholy melody the while. My love to you,' she said graciously to the company as she raised her glass, and she proceeded to enter the amount of two and tenpence to the debit of No. 22. While she was thus engaged, Mr. Bennett the landlord entered suddenly, and took in the situation at a

6

glance. Now then, Mr. Schroder,' he exclaimed, 'this is a great deal too bad. You know distinctly the understanding that my young ladies are not allowed to give you credit, and you take advantage- 'Hush! hush!' pleaded Schroder. 'Before my guests! Mr. Bennett, what an outrage!' 'Oh, nonsense!' retorted the landlord; they know how you're situated as well as you do. I call it dishonest. It's a theft, that's what it is.' 'Come, come, Bennett,' said Schroder soothingly, 'that's a serious thing to say. I admit I exceeded my rights on this solitary occasion;' and as he spoke he contrived, unseen by Bennett, to abstract a couple of sixpenny cigars from a box which lay open on the counter before him. But I don't see why we should quarrel about such a trifling escapade. Have a cigar, Bennett?' and he proffered one of those which he had that instant stolen. 'Well, thank you, Mr. Schroder; I-I think I will try one of yours. They're not too strong, I hope? I don't want to be unpleasant, you know, but business is business.' And they lit their weeds at the same match. 'I think you'll like that cigar,' said Schroder. 'A little green, perhaps. I doubt if I've kept 'em long enough.'

CHAPTER VIII

Percy Vernon-Stone's-The sporting tailors - The Café de l'Europe-The teetotum, and how to spin it-Half-crownhunters and their methods-The Haymarket flower-girls-Polly.

It was in the revival of the 'Overland Route' in 1882 that I first met a very amusing character who then made his début on the London stage, young Percy Vernon (who is now the third Baron Lyveden). He played the part of Captain Sebright, R.N., who has nothing to say (or does he exclaim 'Jenny as he comes on?), and only appears just before the fall of the curtain. Percy Vernon was extremely good-natured and imperturbably good-tempered. He had a curious affectation in those days of dropping his h's-in fact, of talking generally like one of Mr. Rudyard Kipling's chick-a-leary soldiers. A good deal of his humour was, I fancy, unconscious. There used to be in those days a little wizened stump of humanity who crawled about Piccadilly selling matches. As far as one could see, his anatomy ceased at the breast-bone. It was, as it