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We squander there an Hour or more ;
And then all Hands, Boys, to the Oar;
All, heteroclite Dan except,
Who never Time, nor Order kept,
But by peculiar Whimsies drawn,
Peeps in the Ponds to look for Spawn;
O’ersees the Work, or * Dragon rows,
Or mars a Text, or mends his Hose;
Or—but proceed we in our Journal
At Two, or after, we return all.
From the four Elements assembling,
Warn'd by the Bell, all Folks come trembling:
From airy Garrets fome descend,
Soine from the Lake's remotest End :
My Lord and Dean the Fire forsake ;
Dan leaves the earthly Spade and Rake:
The Loit'rers quake, no Corner hides them,
And Lady Betty soundly chides them.
Now Water's brought, and Dinner's done ;
With Church and King the Lady's gone :
(Not reck’ning half an Hour we pass
In talking o'er a moderate Glass.)
Dan, growing drowsy, like a Thief
Steals off to dose away his Beef;
And this must pass for reading Hammond-
While George and Dean go to Back-Gammon,
George, Nim, and Dean set out at Four,
And then again, Boys, to the Oar.
My Lord Chief Baron's smaller Boat.
But when the Sun goes to the Deep,
(Not to disturb him in his Sleep,
Or make a Rumbling o'er his Head,
His Candle out, and He a-bed)
We watch his Motions to a Minute,
And leave the Flood, when he goes in it.
Now ftinted in the short’ning Day,
We go to Pray’rs, and then to Play:
Till Supper comes, and after that,
We fit an Hour to drink and chat.
'Tis late the old and younger Pairs,
By * Adam lighted, walk up Stairs.
The weary Dean goes to his Chamber,
And Nim and Dan to Garret clamber.
So, when this Circle we have run,
The Curtain falls, and all is done.
I MIGHT have mention'd fey'ral Facts,
Like Episodes between the Acts;
And tell who loses, and who wins,
Who gets a Cold, who breaks his Shins ;
How Dan caught nothing in his Net,
And how the Boat was overset,
For Brevity I have retrench’d,
How in the Lake the Dean was drench'd.
It would be an Exploit to brag on,
How valiant George rode o'er the Dragon ;
How steady in the Storm he fat,
And fav'd his Oar, but lost his Hat.
How Nim (no Hunter e'er could match him)
Still brings us Hares, when he can catch 'em:
How skilfully Dan mends his Nets;
How Fortune fails him, when he sets.
Or, how the Dean delights to vex
The Ladies, and lampoon the Sex.
Or, how our Neighbour lifts his Nose,
To tell what ev'ry School-Boy knows,
And, with his Finger on his Thumb
Explaining, strikes Opposers dumb:
Or how his Wife, that Female Pedant,
(But now there need no more be said on’t,)
Shews all her Secrets of House-keeping ;
For Candles how she trucks her Dripping;
Was forc'd to send three Miles for Yest
To brew her Ale, and raise her Paste ;
Tells ev'ry Thing that you can think of:
How she cur'd Tommy of the Chin-cough;
What gave her Brats and Pigs the Meazles.
And how her Doves were kill'd by Weezles,
How yowler howl'd, and what a Fright
She had with Dreams the other Night.
But now, since I have gone so far on,
A Word or two of * Lord Chief Baron;
And tell how little Weight he sets
On all Whig Papers, and Gazettes ;
But for the Politicks of * Pue,
Thinks every Syllable is true.
And since he owns the King of Sweden
Is dead at last, without evading;
Now all his Hopes are in the Czar;
Why, Muscovy is not so far;
“ Down the Black Sea, and up the Streights,
“ And in a Month he's at your Gates :
“ Perhaps from what the Packet brings
“ By Christmas we shall see strange Things.”
Why should I tell of Ponds and Drains,
What Carps we met with for our Pains ;
Of Sparrows tam'd, and Nuts innumerable,
To choak the Girls, and to consume a Rabble ?
But you, who are a Scholar, know,
How transient all Things are below;
How prone to change is human Life ;
Last Night arrived + Clem and his Wife
This grand Event hath broke our Measures ;
Their Reign began with cruel Seizures :
The Dean must with his Quilt fupply
The Bed, in which those Tyrants lie:
Nim loft his Wig-block, Dan his Jordan ;
(My Lady says she can't afford one)
George is half scar'd out of his Wits,
For Clem gets all the tiny Bits.
Henceforth expect a different Survey ;
This House will soon turn Topsy-turvey.
They talk of further Alterations,
Which causes many Speculations.
Upon the horrid PLOT, discovered by
Harlequin the * B---p of R-ch--t's
In a DIALOGUE between a WHIG and a
Written in the Year 1722.
ASK'D a Whig the other Night,
How came this wicked Plot to Light:
He answer'd, that a Dog of late
Inform'd a Minister of State.
Said I, from thence I nothing know;
For, are not all Informers fo?
A Villain, who his Friend betrays,
We style him by no other Phrase ;
And so a perjur'd Dog denotes
Porter, and PRENDERGAST, and OATES.