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Written in the Year 1729.
HUS spoke to my Lady, the Knight full of
Let me have
Advice in a weighty Affair, This * HAMILTON's Bawn, while it sticks on my
Hand, I lose by the House what I get by the Land ; Bụt, how to dispose of it to the best Bidder, For a + Barrack or Malt-house, we must now con
First, let me fuppofe, I make it a Malt-house : Here I have computed the Profit will fall t'us, There's nine hundred Pounds for Labour and Grain, Į increase it to twelve, so three hundred remain; A handsome Addition for Wine and good Chear. Three Dishes a Day, and three Hogsheads a Year. With a dozen large Vessels my Vault shall be stor’d, No little scrub Joint shall come on my Board: And, you and the Dean no more shall combine, To stint me at Night to one Bottle of Wine ;
Nor shall I, for his Humour, permit you to purloin
A Stone and a Quarter of Beef from my Sirloin.
If I make it a Barrack, the Crown is my Tenant,
My Dear, I have ponder'd again and again on't:
In Poundage and Drawbacks, I lose half
Whatever they give me I must be content,
Or join with the Court in ev'ry Debate,
And rather than that, I would lose my Estate;
Thus ended. the Knight: Thus began his meek
It must, and it shall be a Barrack, my Life.
I'm grown a meer Mopus; no Company comes;
But a Rabble of Tenants, and rusty dull * Rums;
With Parsons, what Lady can keep herself clean?
I'm all over dawb'd when I sit by the Dean.
you will give us a Barrack, my Dear,
The Captain, I'm sure, will always come here ;
I then shall not value his Deanfhip a Straw,
For the Captain, I warrant, will keep him in Awe;
Or should he pretend to be brisk and alert,
Will tell him, that Chaplains should not be so perts
That Men of his Coat should be minding their
And not among Ladies to give themselves Airs.
Thus argu'd my Lady, but argu'd in vain ; The Knight his Opinion resolv'd to maintain.
But, * Hannah, who listen’d to all that was past,
And could not endure fo vulgar a Taste ;
As soon as her Ladyship call'd to be drest,
Cry'd, Madam, why surely my Master's posseft ;
Sir Arthur the Malster! how fine it will sound?
I'd rather the Bawn were funk under Ground.
But, Madam, I guess’d there would never come
When I saw him so often with + Darby and Wood.
And now my Dream's out: For I was a-dream'd
That I saw a huge Rat; O dear, how I scream'd!
And after, methought, I had lost my new Shoes ;
And Molly, she said, I should hear some ill News.
Dear Madam, had you but the Spirit to teaze,
You might have a Barrack whenever you please :
And, Madam, I always believ'd you so stout,
That for twenty Denials you wou'd not give out.
If I had a Husband like him, I purtest,
'Till he gave me my Will, I would give him no Rest:
And rather than come in the faine Pair of Sheets
With such a cross Man, I would lie in the Streets.
But, Madam, I beg you contrive and invent,
And worry him out, till he gives his Consent.
Dear Madam, whene'er of a Barrack I think,
An I were to be hang'd, I can't seep a Wink:
For, if a new Crotchet comes into my Brain,
I can't get it out, tho' I'd never so fain,
My Lady's Waiting Woman.
+ Two of Sir A 's Managers.
I fancy already a Barrack contriv'd
At Hamilton's Bawn, and the Troop is arriv'd:
Of this, to be sure, Sir Arthur has Warning,
And waits on the Captain betimes the next Morning.
Now, see, when they meet, how their Honours
Noble Captain, your Servant, Sir Arthur
your Slave; You honour me much-the Honour is mine . 'Twas a fad rainy Night—but the Morning is finePray, how does my Lady ?--- -My Wife's at
your ServiceI think I have seen her Picture by Jervis. Good morrow, good Captain, I'll wait on you
You shan't stir a Foot-You'll think me a Clown.
For all the World, Captain, not half an Inch farther-
You must be obey’d. your Servant, Sir Arthur ;
My humble Respects to my Lady unknown
I hope you will use my House as your own.
“ Go, bring me my Smock, and leave off your
“ Thou hast certainly gotten a Cup in thy Pate.
Pray, Madam, be quiet ; what was it I said?
You had like to have put it quite out of my Head.
Next Day, to be sure, the Captain will come
At the Head of his Troop, with Trumpet and Drum,
Now, Madam, observe, how he marches in State :
The Man with the Kettle-drum enters the Gate;
Dub, dub, a-dub, dub. The Trumpeters follow;
Tantara, tantara, while all the Boys halloo.
See, now comes the Captain, all dawb'd with Gold-
O law! the sweet Gentleman, look in his Face;
And see how he rides like a Lord of the Land,
With the fine Aamning Sword that he holds in his
And his Horse, the dear Creter, it prances and rears,
With Ribbons in Knots, at its Tail and its Ears;
At last comes the Troop, by the Word of Command
Drawn up in our Court, when the Captain cries,
Your Ladyship lifts up the Sath to be seen,
(For sure I had dizen'd you out like a Queen)
The Captain, to thew he is proud of the Favour,
Looks up to your Window, and cocks up his Beaver,
(His Beaver is cock'd; pray, Madam, mark that,
For, a Captain of Horse never takes off his Hat;
Because he has never a Hand that is idle ;
For, the Right holds the Sword, and the Left holds
Then flourishes thrice his Sword in his Air,
As a Compliment due to a Lady so fair ;
How I tremble to think of the Blood it hath spilt!
Then he low'rs down the Point, and kisses the Hilt.
Your Ladyship smiles, and thus you begin ;
Pray, Captain, be pleas'd to light, and walk in :
The Captain falutes you with Congee profound;
And your Ladyship curchyes half way to the Ground.