out alleviation, and without reward. Swearing is an affront to all fober As for obfcenity, every one knows it must shock and startle If the definition of true good manners, be, That behaviour, which makes a man easy in himself, and easy to all about him; it can never be good manners to be troublesome by an excess of ceremony, by over-preffing to eat or drink, or by forcing one's favours of any kind, upon those one converses with. Nor can it be faid to be confiftent with good behaviour to overdo the complimenting part, fo as to border upon infipid flattery; nor does politenefs by any means require that we exceed our inclination, or cross our particular tafte, in eating and drinking what may be preffed upon us to our own difguft; much lefs to the prejudice of our health or temperance. No one can be long at a lofs, as to behaviour, who obferves the two following directions, and is in earnest resolved to regulate his conduct upon them, viz. firft, That the way to be generally agreeable in converfation, is to fhew, that one has lefs at heart the humouring his own inclinations, than thofe of the company, and that he is not fo full of himself, as to overlook or defpife others; and, fecondly, That the grace of behaviour is to be learned only from the imitation of the judicious and polite. But care must be taken, that your imitation be not fo flavish as to strip you of your natural character and behaviour, and disguise you in thofe of another, which being affumed and artificial, will not become you. For nature in ruffet is more agreeable than affectation in embroidery. There is nothing that cofts lefs, and gains more friends, than an affable and courteous behaviour. One may always obferve, that thofe, who have been accustomed to the best company, behave with the greatcft freedom and good nature. People of figure and real worth, having reafon to expect that others will treat them with fuitable refpect, do not find it neceffary to affume any airs of fuperiority. Whereas the vain and conceited, who fancy no fubmiffion whatever is equal to their dignity, are ever endeavouring by a haughty carriage to keep up that refpect in others, which their want of real merit cannot. But how ill they fucceed, is eafy to obferve 2 ferve, from the universal contempt and disgust such a behaviour meet with among all judicious people. The truth of the matter is, that the differences between one perfon and another are in refpect to every circumftance, but that of virtue, fo very inconfiderable as to render any infolent fuperiority on the one hand, or mean fubmiffion on the other, extremely ridiculous; fince, according to the elegant expreffion of Scripture," man is but a worm, and the son of Nothing fhews a greater abjectness of spirit than an over-bearing temper, appearing in a perfon's behaviour to inferiors. To infult or abuse those who dare not answer again, is as fure a mark of cowardice, as it would be to attack with a drawn fword a woman or a child. And wherever you fee a perfon given to infult his inferiors, you may affure yourself, he will creep to his fuperiors; for the fame baseness of mind will lead him to act the part of a bully to those who cannot refift, and of a coward to those who can. But though fervants and other dependents may not have it in their power, to retort the injurious ufage they receive from their fuperiors, they are fure to be even with them by the contempt they themselves have for them, and the character they fpread abroad of them through the world. Upon the whole, the proper behaviour to inferiors, is, To treat them with generofity and humanity, but by no means with familiarity, on one hand, or infolence on the other. And, if a fiery temper and paffionate behaviour, are improper to inferiors, they are more fo among one's equals; for this obvious reafon, That the only effect of a choleric behaviour on your equals, is expofing you to the ridicule of thofe, who have no dependence upon you, and neither hope nor fear any thing from you. There is indeed no greater happiness than an even natural temper, neither liable to be extremely eager and fanguine, nor ftoically indifferent and infenfible; neither apt to be worked up to a tempeft with every trifle, nor yet buried in a continual lethargic ftupidity; neither delighting in being always engaged in fcenes of mirth and frolick, nor to be wrapped in the impenetrable gloom of a fixed melancholy. And after all, what is there in life, that may be justly reckoned of fufficient importance to move a perfon to a violent paffion? What good grounds can there be for great expectations, for gloomy apprehenfions, for immoderate triumph, or for deep dejection, in fuch a ftate, as the prefent, in which we are fure of meeting with innumerable disappointments, even in the greateft fuccefs of our affairs; and in which we know that our afflictions and our pleafures muft both be foon over. True wisdom will direct us to ftudy moderation with refpect to all worldly things; to indulge mirth but feldom, exceffive grief never, but to keep up conftantly an even cheerfulness of temper. If it should happen through inadvertency, paffion, or human frailty, that you expose yourself to be taken to task by any one, do not fo much labour to juftify the action, for that is doubting the fault, as your intention, which might be harmless. Befides, the action appears manifest to every one, fo that people will judge for themfelves, and not take your notion of it. But your intention, being known only to yourfelf, they will more readily allow you to be the most proper person to explain it. Above all, it is base and unjust, to palliate your own fault, by laying the blame upon others. Suppofe you fhould fairly own you was in the wrong. It will be only confeffing yourself a human creature. And is that fo mortifying? If on the contrary, you should ftand it out, people will think you twice in the wrong; in committing a folly, and in perfifting in it. Whereas if you frankly own your mistake, they will allow your candor as an apology for half the fault. It is generally pride and paffion that engage people in quarrels and lawfuits. It is the very character of a good man, that he will, upon occafion, recede from the utmost rigor of what he might in juftice demand. If this character were a common one, there would be few law-fuits; which whoever loves, I heartily wish him, for his inftruction, the full enjoyment of all. its peculiar delights, as attendance, expence, wafte of time, fear, and wrangling, with the hatred of all who know his character, and the diminution of his fortune, by every fuit he engages in. If you have reason to believe that your enemy has quitted his hatred to you, and his ill-defigns against you; don't infift upon his making you a formal fpeech, acknowledging his fault, and asking pardon. But forgive him frankly, without putting him to the pain of doing what may be more difagreeable to him, than you can imagine. For mens natures are very different. If you already know that he is favourably difpofed to you, you cannot know it better by his telling you fo in a formal manner. At the fame time it is not neceffary, that you trust yourself any more in the hands of one who has endeavoured to betray and ruin you. Chriftian forbearance and forgiveness are no way inconfiftent with prudence. There is no circumftance in life too trivial to be wholly unworthy of the regard of a perfon, who would be generally agreeable, on which a man's ufefulness in fociety depends much more than many people are aware of. It is great pity, that many perfons eminently valuable for learning and piety do not study the decorum of dress and behaviour more than they do. There is incomparably greater good to be gained by humouring mankind in a few of their trifling cuftoms, and thereby winning their good-will, than by startling or disgusting them by a fingularity of behaviour in matters of no confequence. In drefs, I would advise to keep the middle between foppery and shabbiness, neither being the first nor the last in a fashion. Every thing which fhews what is commonly called a taste in dress, is a proof of a vain and filly turn of mind, and never fails to prejudice the judicious against the wearer. For it being an uncommon thing to find good sense, or any thing truly valuable in the mind of a fop, people generally take it for granted, that any perfon, they fee affect a peculiar quaintnefs in his drefs, is little better than a fool. A difcreet and well-behaved perfon, will never fail to meet with due respect from all the difcerning part of fociety (and the good opinion of the rest is not worth desiring) though his dress be ever fo plain, so it be decent. A SECT. V. Mifcellaneous Thoughts on Prudence in Converfation S order or method are of very little confequence in treating of fuch fubjects, I will add here a fet of mifcellaneous thoughts upon the art of converfation, couched in a few words, from which, with what has been already obferved, the reader may furnish himself with a competent knowledge of what is to be ftudied, and what to be avoided in converfation. If the reader fhould find the fame thought twice, it is hoped, his candor will overlook a fault not easy to be avoided, in putting together fuch a variety of unconnected matter. There are few of the following fentences, that will not furnish a good deal of thought, or that are to be understood to their full extent without fome confideration. He who knows the world, will not be too bashful. He who knows himself, will not be impudent. Do not endeavour to fhine in all companies. Leave room for your hearers to imagine fomething within you beyond all you have faid. And remember, the more you are praised, the more you will be envied. If you would add a luftre to all your accomplishments, ftudy a modeft behaviour. To excel in any thing valuable is great; but to be above conceit on account of one's accomplishments is greater. Confider, you have rich natural gifts, you owe them to the divine bounty. If you have improved your understanding, and ftudied virtue, you have only done your duty. And thus there feems little ground left for vanity. if You need not tell all the truth, unless to those who have a right to know it all. But let all you tell be truth. Infult not another for his want of a talent you poffefs: he may have others, which you want. D 2 Praife Praise your friends; and let friends praife you. your If you treat your inferiors with familiarity, expect the fame from them. If you give a jeft, take one. Let all your jokes be truly jokes. Jefting fometimes ends in fad earneft. If a favour is afked of you, grant it, if you can. in fuch a manner, as that one denial may be fufficient. Wit without humanity degenerates into bitterness. prudence into pedantry. If not, refuse it Learning without In the midst of mirth, reflect that many of your fellow-creatures round the world are expiring; and that your turn will come shortly. So you will keep your life uniform and free from excefs. , Love your fellow-creature, though vicious. Hate vice in the friend love the most. you Whether is the continual laugher, or the morofe the most disagreeable companion? Reproof is a medicine like mercury or opium; if it be improperly adminiftred with respect either to the adviser or the advised, it will do harm instead of good. Nothing is more unmannerly than to reflect on any man's profeffion, fect, or natural infirmity. He who ftirs up against himself another's felf-love, provokes the strongest paffion in human nature. Be careful of your word even in keeping the most trifling appointment. But do not blame another for a failure of that kind, till you have heard his excufe. Never offer advice, but where there is fome probability of its being followed. If a great perfon has omitted rewarding your fervices, do not talk of it. Perhaps he may not yet have had an opportunity. For they have always on hand expectants innumerable, and the clamorous are too generally gratified before the deferving. Befides, it is the way to draw his difpleasure upon you, which can do you no good, but will make bad worfe. If the fervices you did were voluntary, you ought not to expect any return, because you made a prefent of them unafked. And a free gift is not to be turned into a loan, to draw the perfon you have served into debt. If you have served a great perfon merely with a view to felfintereft, perhaps he is aware of that, and rewards you accordingly. Nor can you justly complain: He owes you nothing; it was not him you meant to ferve. Fools pretend to foretel what will be the iffue of things, and are laughed at for their awkward conjectures. Wife men, being aware of the un cer |