"Well," fays fhe, " let me do well, and let who will do better."

Voltaire fays, that Superftition is to Religion what Aftrology is to Aftronomy: the very foolish daughter of a very wife mother.

Two Jefuits on their paffage for America, were defired by the Master to go down into the hold, as a ftorm was coming on; that they need not apprehend any danger as long as they heard the feamen curse and swear; but if once they were filent, and quiet he would advise them to betake themselves to prayers. Soon after the lay-brother goes to the hatches, to hear what was going forward, when he quickly returned, faying, all was over, for they swore like troopers, and their blafphemy alone was enough to fink the vessel.-"The Lord be praised for it," replied the other, "marry then we are safe."

When George II. propofed giving the com mand of Quebec to W, great objections were raised, and the Duke of N in particular begged his Majefty to confider that the man was actually mad. "If it is the Rage Militaire, so much the better," replied the King, I hope he will bite fome of my Generals."

A

A Man went to be married, and inftead of Matrimony, got by heart the Baptifm for riper years; so that when he was afked in the Church, Will you have this woman, &c. the man replied, "this I utterly deny." The Parfon faid, "{ think you are a fool," he anfwered, "all this I ftedfaftly believe."

Mr. Senior, a Painter at York, imitated the crowing of a cock fo well, that a Lady thus addreffed him, "Mr. S. you crow fo like a cock, one would think you was got by one," Madam, fays he, "what do you think I was got by."

Scarron fays the art or trick of Medicine is to confuse the Patient's ideas with vague terms; and then with remedies, good or bad, await till nature kills or cures.

A tall man, whofe mother had an indifferent character, asked a little man how it happened that he was fo fhort; the little man replied, “Į had the misfortune to have only one Father."

Queen Elizabeth feeing Sir Edward — in her garden, looked out of her window and asked

him in Italian, what a man thought of when he thought of nothing. Sir Edward paused a little, and faid, "Madam, he thinks of a woman's promife." The Queen fhrunk in her head and was heard to fay, "Edward, I must not confute you! Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor."

A Mafter enraged at his fervant, faid, "you rafcal, when you firft came to me you had not a rag to your back," you are miftaken, Sir, fays the fervant, "for when I first came to you I had nothing but rags to my back."

In Charles IId's time the Royal Society deputed two of their body to wait upon the Spanish Ambaffador for letters of recommendation to the Canary Islands, as they intended to make fome of Toricelli's experiments on the Peak of Teneriff. The Ambaffador treated them very civilly, fuppofing them to be a company of mer. chants lately established for the purchase of Canary wines, and asked what quantity of cafks they might require; the deputies told him that it was not upon fuch bufinefs they came, but they were going there to make fome experiments ppon the weight of the air! The Ambaffador,

aftonished,

aftonished, faid, "What do you want to weigh the air?" They replied, it was their intention. Upon which he turned them out of the house, taking them for madmen; and went directly to Whitehall to complain of the infult put upon him. But he drew in his horns when he found the King and the Duke of York at the head of the fcheme for weighing the air, and of thofe he had deemed madmen.

Lord L fays, that every Sovereign in Europe wakes on the thirtieth of January with a crick in his neck.

A Gentleman ordered a table to be made by one which had a drawer, but he said he would have it without, as he had no ufe for it. Away goes the man, who was an Irifhman, and makes the table with a drawer; at which the gentleman ftormed; when Paddy, in his defence, faid, by his fhoul, he could not make one without; but it should make no fquares, for the gentleman might lock the drawer and he would keep the key of it himself.

The Rector of

had a horse to difpofe of, and in order to fet him off, turned jockey

and

and mounted him; on which the dealer fhook his head and faid, "Rev. Sir, I advise, if you • want to take us in, mount into the pulpit, do not mount a horseback.”

G. S one day at dinner at the Lord Chancellor's, the fervant threw the foup on his Lordfhip's Robes; on which G. ftaring his Lordship full in the face, exclaimed, "Summum Jus! Summa Injuria:"

Dr.(afterwards Dean of York) was once benighted and bogged upon Stockton Common, being alone, he called aloud for help to fome paffengers who were returning from York Market, they immediately replied, “who are you?" Upon which the Doctor, to fecure their attention, enumerated his preferments, saying, "the Rector of Folkton, the Rector of Hunmanby, and the Vicar of Mufton." "Nay marry," faid one of them, "as you are fo monny of you, you may e'en help one another out."

Mr. S

meeting a Lady in the street the day after he was married; fhe wished him joy. On which S. replied, "I thank you kindly, Madam, but I have had quite enough!"

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