One was faying that in Sicily he had bought lamprey five feet long for a trifle-another, to reprove the lie, faid, No wonder, for they are there fo long, that they commonly use them for cables.

A Courtier afked an old woman who fat by the road fide, as the King paffed by, If the faw his Majefty? She anfwered, I want nothing of him-Kings are made for Subjects, not Subjects for Kings; why then fhould I regard him who is the public fervant?

One of the Ambaffadors from Morocco to England having never feen fnow till he came here, and obferving that the boys gathered it up in their hands, faid, It is no wonder the English are fo fair, fince they wash themselves in white

rain.

Sterne's maid fervant asked her master leave to go to a public execution at the tyburn, near York. Soon after the fet off, fhe returned blub. bering, and all in tears. On her master's asking the cause of her grief, and why the cried, the anfwered, "Because she had loft her labour, for before the reached the gallows, the man was reprieved."

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A rich man fent to call a phyfician, for a flight diforder. The phyfician felt his pulfe, and faid, Do you eat well? Yes, faid the patient. Do you fleep well? I do. Then faid the physician, I fhall give you something to take away all

that!

One faid, that phyficians were like falcons, which, if they kill pheasants, are worth thirty ducats; if wild ducks, fifty; if herons, two hundred. So phyficians, if they kill peafants, are worth little; if gentlemen, rife in repute; and if Lords, are held next to the Deity.

A rich man afking a poor wretch by what means he lived; he answered, If you had afked me by what means I die, I fhould fay by hunger.

A Criminal at Oporto going to be hanged, would not quit the ladder before they gave him fome liquor. A cup of wine being brought, be. fore drinking it he blew off the froth; being afked why he did fo, he atifwered, Brother, becaufe new wine is bad for the liver.

An Irish Gentleman, a fortune-hunter, being tired of the purfuit, applied himfelf to chirotnancy,

romancy, and turned a fortune-teller. An old Dowager going to confult him, asked him what was her fortune. Madam, anfwered he, I can only fay, all mine is in your hands on which the confented, and he married her.

A Gentleman faid to another in company, "If all drank like you, wine would be very cheap," Nay," answered the other, "It would be very dear, for I drink as I chufe."

A Gentleman taking an apartment, told the landlady, "I affure you, Madam, I never left a lodg ing but my landlady fhed tears.". She answered, "I hope it was not, Sir, that you went away without paying.

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At a Club in Dublin, it was agreed if any of the company should speak a foreign language he fhould be fined a bumper; on which one of them began talking Irish, which being confidered a foreign tongue, he was in confequence fined two bumpers.

A Spartan Mother to her Son, who complained that his sword was short, faid, do you add a step

to it.

A Captain of a Ship of War unluckily had his laced hat on in an engagement at fea, when the enemy aimed at him; which a failor obferv. ing, inftantly stept upon the quarter-deck, pulled it off and put it on his head and his own cap upon the captain's. Now, Sir, says he, you cannot but fay I covered your head in the day of battle.

The late Bishop of Ely, when he was old and grey headed, marrying a third wife, it afforded a fubject of raillery, to which he made answer, That tho' the mountains were covered with fnow, there were springs in the valleys.

A remarkable dirty man, foliciting his friend's advice how he should dress himself for a mafquerade, received the following anfwer: "Only just wash your hands and face, put on a clean fhirt, and I'll be hanged if any one will know you."

A Beggar requested a foldier to lend him fome money for the Lord's fake, and he would pray for him; the foldier gave him fome, and said, "here, take it and pray for yourself, for I never lend my money on ufury."

Swift happening to be in company with a young coxcomb, who prided himself in fay ing pert things to the Dean, and at laft getting up, with fome conceited gefticulation, and with a confident air, faid, "I would have you to know, Mr. Dean, I fet up for a Wit." "Do you, indeed," faid the Dean," then take my advice, and fet down again."

Queen Elizabeth was in the cuftody of Bedingfield, who kept her under fuch close confine. ment, that the faid fhe confidered him as her keeper; but when fhe faw him with the keys, fhe could look upon him in no other light than her gaoler. After the Queen came to the throne he was backward of paying his devoirs at Court, which the Queen noticed; and when he did, the Queen presented him with a large key, and told him, that when the had a State Prisoner, fhe fhould certainly intruft him to his care,

One paffing through Wych-ftreet, London, afked another the name of the ftreet, he said Wych-ftreet, "why this ftreet," answers the paffenger? "Wych-ftreet," fays the other, who thought it a hum, "Dn you, Wych.ftreet," and went on.