Here I fit moping all the live-long Night,
Devour'd with Spleen, and Stranger to Delight;
'Till Morn fends Stagg'ring home a drunken Beaft, Refolv'd to break my Heart, as well as Reft.
HEY! Hoop! d'ye hear my damn'd obftrep'rous Spouse!
What, can't you find one Bed about the House?
Will that perpetual CLACK lye never ftill?
That Rival to the foftnefs of a Mill!
Some Couch and diftant Room muft be my Choice,
Where I may fleep uncurs'd with Wife and Noise.
Long this uncomfortable LIEE they led,
With fnarling Meals, and each a sep'rate Bed.
To an old Uncle oft fhe would complain,
Beg his Advice, and scarce from Tears refrain:
Old Wifewood fmoak'd the Matter as it was,
Cheer up, cry'd he, and I'll remove the Caufe.
A wond'rous Spring within my Garden flows,
Of fov'reign Virtue, chiefly to compofe
Domestick Jarrs, and Matrimonial Strife,
The best ELIXIR t' appease Man and Wife;
Strange are th' Effects, and Qualities Divine,
"Tis Water call'd, but worth its Weight in Wine.
If in his fullen Airs Sir John fhould come,
Three spoonfuls take, hold in your Mouth then Mum: Smile and look pleas'd, when he fhall rage and fcold, Still in your Mouth the healing Cordial hold;
One Month this Sympathetick Med'cine try'd,
He'll grow a Lover, you a happy Bride.
But, dearest Niece, keep this grand Secret close,
Or ev'ry pratling Huffy'll get a Dofe.
A Water Bottle's brought for her Relief,
Not Nantz could fooner ease the Lady's Grief:
Her bufy Thoughts are on the Tryal bent,
And, FEMALE like, impatient for th' Event.
The bonny Knight reels home exceeding clear, Prepar'd for Clamour, and Domeftick War..
Hey! where's our Thunder fied?
No Hurricane! Betty's your Lady dead?
Madam, afide, an ample Mouthful takes,
Court'fy's, looks kind, but not a Word she speaks:
Wond'ring, he star'd, scarcely his Eyes believ'd,
But found his Ears agreeably deceiv'd.
Why, how now, Molly; What's the Crotchet now!
She smiles, and anfwers only with a Bow.
Then clasping her about Why, let me die!
Thefe Night-Cloaths, Moll, become thee mightily!
With that he figh'd, her Hand began to prefs,
And Betty calls, her Lady to undress.
Nay, kifs me, Molly, for I'm much inclin'd:
Her Lace fhe cuts to take him in the Mind.
Thus the fond Pair to Bed enamour'd went,
The Lady pleas'd, and the good Knight content.
For many Days these fond Endearments past, The reconciling Bottle fails at laft;
'Twas us'd and gone, Then Midnight Storms arofe, And Looks and Words the Union difcompofe.
Her Coach is order'd, and Post-haste she flies,
To beg her Uncle for fome fresh Supplies;
Tranfported does the strange Effects relate,
Her Knight's Converfion, and her happy State!
Why, Niece, fays he, I prithee apprehend,
The Water's Water, Be thy felf thy Friend;
Such Beauty would the coldest Husband warm,
But your provoking Tongue undoes the Charm:
Be filent and complying You'll foon find,
Sir John, without a Med'cine, will be kind.
HE Labours of the Toilet paft,
The new Complexion lik'd at last;
The Red and white difpos'd with Art,
Each for the Day assign'd its Part;
FLAVIA now vent'ring into View,
Calls John to put the Horfes to;
Trim in her Seat, drives flowly on,
And lands at Jervas's by One;
Strait to the Glass fhe makes her Way;
Lord! I look frightfully to Day:
Now plac'd, fhe fets her Face to rights,
The Pow'r of all her Charms unites,
Lights up her Eyes, her Forehead braces,
And decks her Mouth in Smiles and Graces.
Jervas begins her Face to fcan;
She looks as lovely as she can;
While the fly Wag, who loves a Joke,
Draws on, and Smiles at ev'ry Stroke:
Now a new FLAVIA you behold,
Form'd by his Hand, fo like the old;
Survey them both, and you'll conjecture,
His Piece the LIFE, and her the PICTURE.
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