At Table now the acts her Part,
Has all the Dinner-Cant by Heart :
"I thought we were to dine alone,
"My Dear, for fure if I had known
"This Company would come to Day
"But really 'tis my Spouse's Way,
"He's fo unkind, he never fends
"To tell when he invites his Friends:
"I wish you may but have enough,
And while, with all this paultry Stuff,
She fits tormenting every Guest,
Nor gives her Tongue one Moment's Reft,
In Phrases batter'd, ftale, and trite,
Which modern Ladies call polite ;
You see the Booby Husband fit
In Admiration at her Wit!
BUT let me now a while furvey
Our Madam o'er her Ev'ning Tea;
Surrounded with her noify Clans
Of Prudes, Coquets, and Harridans;
When frighted at the clam'rous Crew,
Away the God of Silence few,
And fair Difcretion left the Place,
And Modefty with blushing Face:
Now enters over-weening Pride,
And Scandal, ever gaping wide,
Hypocrify with Frown fevere,
Scurrility with gibing Air;
Rude Laughter feeming like to burst;
And Malice always judging worst;
And Vanity with Pocket-Glafs;
And Impudence with Front of Brass;
And ftudied Affectation came,
Each Limb and Feature out of Frame:
While Ignorance, with Brain of Lead,
Flew hoy'ring o'er each Female Head.
WHY should I ask of thee, my Mufe,
An hundred Tongues, as Poets ufe,
When, to give ev'ry Dame her due,
An Hundred Thousand were too few!
Or how should I, alas! relate,
The Sum of all their fenfelefs Prate;
Their Innuendo's, Hints, and Slanders,
Their Meanings lewd, and double 'Entendres.
Now comes the gen'ral Scandal-Charge;
What some invent, the reft enlarge';
And, "Madam, if it be a Lye, :
"You have the Tale as cheap as I:
"I muft conceal my Author's Name,
"But now 'tis known to common Fame,
SAY, foolish Females, Bold and Blind;
Say, by what fatal Turn of Mind,
Are you on Vices most severe
Wherein yourselves have greatest Share?
Thus ev'ry Fool herself deludes ;
The Prude condemns the abfent Prudes;;
Mopfa, who ftinks her Spouse to Death,
Accufes Chloe's tainted Breath;
Hircina rank with Sweat, prefumes
To cenfure Phillis for Perfumes;
While crooked Cynthia fneering says,
That Florimel wears Iron Stays:
Chloe of ev'ry Coxcomb jealous,
Admires how Girls can talk with Fellows;
And full of Indignation frets
That Women should be fuch Coquets :
Iris, for Scandal most notorious,
Cries, "Lord, the World is fo cenforious!
And Rufa with her Combs of Lead,
Whispers that Sappho's Hair is red:
Aura, whofe Tongue you hear a Mile hence,
Talks half a Day in Praise of Silence ;
And Silvia full of inward Guilt,
Now Voices over Voices rife,
While each to be the loudeft vies;
They contradict, affirm, difpute;
No fingle Tongue one Moment mute;
All mad to speak, and none to hearken,
They set the very Lap-Dog barking:
Their Chattering makes a louder Din
Than Fish-Wives o'er a Cup of Gin;
Not School-Boys at a Barring-out,
Rais'd ever fuch inceffant Rout:
The jumbling Particles of Matter.
In Chaos made not fuch a Clatter;
Far lefs the Rabble roar and rail,
When drunk with four Election Ale.
NOR do they truft their Tongue alone,
But fpeak a Language of their own;
Can read a Nod, a Shrug, a Look,
Far better than a printed Book;
Convey a Libel in a Frown,
And wink a Reputation down;
Or by the toffing of the Fan,
Defcribe the Lady and the Man.
BUT fee, the Female Club disbands,
Each twenty Vifits on her Hands.
Now all alone poor Madam fits,
In Vapours and Hyfterick Fits;
"And was not Tom this Morning fent?
"I'd lay my Life he never went ;
"Paft Six, and not a living Soul!
"I might by this have won a Vole.”
A dreadful Interyal of Spleen!
How shall we pass the Time between?
"Here Betty, let me take my Drops,
"And feel my Pulfe, I know it stops:
"This Head of mine, Lord, how it swims!
"And fuch a Pain in all my Limbs!"
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