blockhead don't you see the great improvements I have been making here? Improvements, Mr. dean; why I see a long bog hole out of which I suppose you have cut the turf; you have removed some of the young trees I think to a worse situation; as to taking the stones from the surface of the ground, I allow that is a useful work, as the grass will grow the better for it; and placing them about the field in that form, will make it more easy to carry them off. Plague on your Irish taste, says Swift; this is just what I ought to have expected from you; but neither you nor your forefathers ever made such an improvement; nor will you be able while you live to do any think like it.

The doctor was resolved to retaliate on the dean the first opportunity. It happened when he was down there in one of his vacations, that the dean was absent for a few days on a visit elsewhere. He took this opportunity of employing a great number of hands to make an island in the middle of the lake, where the water was twenty feet deep; an arduous work in appearance, but not hard to be executed in a place abounding with large stones upon the surface of the ground, and where long heath grew every where in great plenty; for by placing quantities of those stones in large bundles of heath, the space was soon filled up, and a large island formed. To cover this a sufficient quantity of earth and green sods were brought, and several well grown osiers, and other aquatics, were removed to it. The doctor's secret was better kept than Swift's; who, on his return, walked toward the lake, and seeing the new island, cried out in astonishment, " Heigh! how "the water of the lake is sunk in this short time to VOL. I. ❝ discover

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"discover that island of which there was no trace be "fore!" Greatly sunk indeed, observed the doctor with a sneer, if it covered the tops of those osiers. Swift then saw he had been fairly taken in, and acknowledged the doctor had got the better of him, both in his stratagem, and the beauty of his improvement.

Many were their contrivances to play tricks on each other as occasions offered, and it seldom happened but that where one succeeded, a speedy retaliation ensued. The dean, the doctor, another gentleman, and the bishop of Meath, once set out together from Dublin, to pass some days at a friend's house in the country. The bishop had said that he should not be able to visit his diocese for some time, as his house was rebuilding; upon which Swift made him a tender of his house at Laracor, till his own should be ready for him. The discourse naturally fell upon country seats; and Sheridan enlarged a good deal upon the beauties of Quilca; which though at that time in a very rude state, to use a modern phrase, had certainly great capabilities. Swift exclaimed, my lord, do you hear that vapouring scab? I will show you an exact picture of that place which he has painted in such fine colours. Upon which he put his hand in his pocket, and, for the first time, produced that ludicrous copy of verses on Quilca, since printed in his works. This occasioned a good deal of laughter at the doctor's expense, who bore it patiently for some time, but meditated speedy revenge. He then pretended to be weary of the coach, and said he would mount his horse, which was led, and go before to prepare breakfast for them at the inn. He made what speed

he

he could, and upon his arrival there, instantly called for pen, ink, and paper, and wrote the poem, describing the dean's goods at Laracor. Upon seeing a beggar at the door, the thought struck him to have this presented to the bishop by way of petition. He accordingly folded it up in that form, and gave the beggar his lesson when and how he was to present it. When breakfast was over, and they had all got into the coach, the beggar with much importunity, stretched his hand out with the petition to the bishop. Swift, always at enmity with these vagrants, begged of his lordship not to receive it, and was calling out to the coachman to drive on, when the bishop, who had been let into the secret by Sheridan, stopped him, and opening the petition, kept it close to his eyes, so that no one else might see its contents, and for some time seemed to read it with attention. He then gave the poor man a shilling, and said he would examine into the truth of what was there set down, when he returned. Swift for a long time after indulged himself on his usual topick, inveighing strongly against giving encouragement to such sturdy vagabonds, who were the pests of society, &c. &c. The bishop at last interrupting him said, "Indeed, Mr. dean, if what "is here set forth be true, the man is a real object "of compassion, as you shall see." Upon which he read aloud the following contents of the paper.

A true and faithful inventory of the goods be

longing to doctor Swift, vicar of Laracor; upon
his offering to lend his house to the bishop of
Meath, until his own was built.

An oaken, broken, elbowchair;
A caudle cup, without an ear;

A batter'd, shatter'd, ash bedstead;
A box of deal without a lid;

A pair of tongs, but out of joint;
A backsword paker, without point;
A pot that's crack'd across, around
With an old knotted garter bound;
An iron lock without a key;

A wig, with hanging quite grown gray;
A curtain worn to half a stripe;

A pair of bellows, without pipe ;

A dish which might good meat afford once;
An Ovid, and an old Concordance;
A bottle bottom, wooden platter;
One is for meal, and one for water;
There likewise is a copper skillet;
Which runs as fast out, as you fill it;
A candlestick, snuffdish, and saveall,
And thus his household goods you have all.
These to your lordship, as a friend,

Till you have built, I freely lend;
They'll serve your lordship for a shift;
Why not, as well as doctor Swift?

Thus were the tables turned upon the dean, and a good deal of mirth indulged at his expense.

When he was at Quilca he went one Sunday to a church at the distance of more than two hours ride. The parson of the parish invited him to dinner, but Swift excused himself by saying that it was too far to ride home afterward; no, I shall dine with my neighbour Reilly at Virginy, which is half way home. Reilly, who was what is called there a gentleman farmer, was proud of the honour, and immediately dispatched a messenger to his wife to prepare for the reception of so extraordinary a guest.

She

She dressed herself out in her best apparel; the son put on his new suit, and his silver laced hat adorned his head. When the lady was introduced to the dean, he saluted her with the same respect as if she had been a duchess, making several conges down to the ground, and then handed her with great formality to her seat. After some high-flown compliments, he addressed his host-" Mr. Reilly, I sup

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pose you have a considerable estate here; let us go "and look over your demesne." Estate, says Reilly, devil a foot of land belongs to me or any of my generation. I have a pretty good lease here indeed from lord Fingal, but he threatens that he will not renew it, and I have but a few years of it to come. "Well-but when am I to see Mrs. Reilly ?" "Why "don't you see her there before you ?" "That Mrs. Reilly impossible! I have heard she is a prudent "woman, and as such would never dress herself out "in silks, and other ornaments, fit only for ladies of "fashion. No-Mrs. Reilly the farmer's wife, would "never wear any thing better than plain stuff, with "other things suitable to it." Mrs. Reilly happened to be a woman of good sense, and taking the hint, immediately withdrew, changed her dress as speedily as possible, and in a short time returned to the parlour in her common apparel. Swift saluted her in the most friendly manner, taking her by the hand and saying, “I am heartily glad "I am heartily glad to see you Mrs. "Reilly. This husband of yours would fain have palmed a fine lady upon me, all dressed out in silks, "and in the pink of the mode, for his wife, but I was not to be taken in so." He then laid hold of young master's fine laced hat; with his penknife ripped off the lace, and folding it up in several papersa

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