so. Such affairs don't go as smoothly in real life as in novels. Ninety-nine out of every hundred make the most absurd blunders on this occasion; and, even if the whole hundred return as the happiest betrothed bridegrooms, the ninety and nine would still say to themselves, "God grant that we may never be in that fix again, but, if we do undertake the business, we'll manage more cleverly." God grant that I may never be in the position again! At the end of an hour and a half I came back, the happiest of men, and probably looked so; and, as in my lonely bachelor life I had acquired the foolish habit of talking to myself, I cannot, on calm reflection, blame people for moving out of my way as I came down the street, and looking somewhat sharply at me. When about three rods from my uncle's house, he rushed forward to meet me, threw his arms around my neck he had been standing outside the door the whole hour and a half, watching for me - and cried, "Hold your tongue! hold your tongue! I know all, and when will the wedding be?" I silenced him, saying, "Hush! At least wait until we are out of the street," took him by the arm, and dragged him home with me; but when we came in, though Frau Bütoun was setting the table for dinner, he could control himself no longer, but poured out his whole heart, and, when the woman stared at him, pointed over his shoulder at me, saying, "Look there, Frau Bütoun, there he stands my sister's son. He's a betrothed bridegroom." And when Frau Bütoun congratulated me, and wished to know who the fortunate lady was, I had to hush him again; and when she had gone he talked and looked at me very indignantly. I was a hypocrite, a very obstinate fellow, and I had a black heart if I could conceal such happiness so long. --- I was obliged to sit down and tell him the whole story, after which he became a little more friendly, nodded, and said, " Excellent;" then shook his head, remarking, "That was not exactly to his mind." When I had told the whole, he rose with a face like the sky in haying-time, when it is uncertain whether to rain or let the sun shine; he shook his head and nodded, nodded and shook his head, and at last said, "For his part, he would have done better;" and then asked at which verse of this chapter I had gone down on my knees. I was obliged to confess that I had not come to that at all. Uncle Matthias took his hat, saying, "Well, then, I wish you a good appetite. Hold fast to what you have, the wolf will eat what comes after. You crowed too soon; the affair is still a long way from being settled; kneeling is a part of every betrothal, and the agreement is good for nothing if it isn't sealed on both knees. I shouldn't be in the least surprised if the engagement was off to-morrow. Another time take my advice!" With these words he left the room. Nevertheless, wonderfully happy days. now dawned for me, wonderfully happy days. Once more I might find much to tell, but will refrain. The greatest joys and deepest sorrows must not be public to every one; and, although I am ready to believe that all who read these lines are well-bred, worthy people, some Hans Quast might slip in among them and make jokes at my expense, and that would be extremely unpleasant to me. - too But every good honey-cake needs a small sprinkling of pepper, and I, too, did not fail to receive it. In the first place, my Uncle Matthias scattered a few grains; but when he saw that the affair was likely to last, and had himself paid a friendly visit to my betrothed, and ascertained her skill in cooking fried fish to his satisfaction, he dropped his spice and dipped deep into his honey-pot deep, I said, for he described my happiness to everybody who would listen to him in such glowing terms, that so many flies were soon buzzing in my honey-moon that I did not know where to hide myself, and as many comical stories were in circulation concerning me as if I had become not only a bridegroom, but a butt for everybody's amusement. I was the object of jests whenever I appeared. At every fifth step in the street some fool grinned at me, and if I asked what there was to laugh at all said, as if they had made some agreement, "Oh! nothing, nothing!" If I went to my old club in the evening-for that I had instantly announced my intention of doing, I wouldn't have given it up under any circumstances, in the first place because it was, so to speak, the home of my mind, and secondly because I thought it conducive to my culture - well, when I went there, there was a whispering and hushing and nudging; stories were told of what such a person had said before marriage, and what he had said after mar riage, and what the shepherd had said to his dog; and if I grew angry and asked what they meant, and how the point con cerned me, all said, "Heaven forbid ! We mean nothing." If for these reasons I did not go to the club in the evening, My wife wants what I want, and I don't want this.' You must ask Uncle Matthias about it." So I went to his house, related the incident, repeated the words, and asked, “Uncle, what does the fellow mean by it?" "Why?" said he, walking thoughtfully up and down the room, "and the fellow was thrown out by his womenkind, you say?" "Yes," I replied, "he said so himself.” "Well," said my uncle, after a few moments' reflection, "then this was probably his meaning, for his wife threw him out, and that would agree with this proverb, for it runs, 'My wife wants to be master in the house, and I want to be master too; and my wife wants her way, and I won't consent.' But," he added, "if she was in the house and he sitting outside in the gutter, she was doubtless master." Frau Bütoun opened her little pepper-mill, | proverb. What does the fellow mean? and scattered the fine dust in my nose and eyes. Should this thing be so? or should it be so? She didn't know where I wanted this now. She was an old woman, and had taken care of a great many gentlemen in her lifetime, but none who were betrothed. I must have patience with her, for things would soon be very different. And as for removing all this stuff she thought I was perfectly right, it was not good enough for my betrothed bride, who, she had heard, had been reared like a princess and never dipped her fingers in cold water; but her eyes were too old to see every spot on the coat. And if my betrothed wanted to visit me soon she might do so; for her part she had no objections, and if the linen and the floor and the bureau-cover didn't suit her, or the little cupboard she had put in one corner of my room for her convenience, she wasn't going to wear herself out. And if I wanted a fire in the evening I might say so she didn't know. I always used to go to the club, why didn't I now? And then she sat down before the stove, and puffed, and puffed, and the coals glowed on her fat red cheeks, so that I could not look at her without thinking, "God forgive me for my heavy sins! I know very well that this is my Frau Bütoun, and a Christian widow - why must I always think of the distinguished people who dwell in a place that is said to be very hot? And when she blows the fire why do I always think that possibly in that place somebody is sitting, blowing coals to warm up my beautiful married happiness a little." From this any one may suppose that my scruples were not all thrown out of the window; and they became still worse as I walked down the street one afternoon on my way from a visit to my betrothed bride. As I walked along the street on this day, I heard a loud noise in the distance, the people looked out of the windows, and before one of the doors a little group had assembled. Just as I was passing the door, the furrier Obst shot out of his shop and landed in the gutter. "Good heavens!" said his neighbour Graun, "what are you doing there?" "Oh! that's easy to tell," said the furrier, "my womenkind pitched me out." "But why?" asked the other. "I'll tell you," said the furrier, rising; "my wife wants what I want, and I don't want this." As this story gave me no information, I walked on, thinking, "It's some foolish I don't know why this conversation made me feel so troubled and anxious. I had never looked at my design from this point. "Uncle," said I, "you know me, and know her too. Which of us do you think will be master in the house?" "Why," said he, "she doesn't seem to me at all as if she would like to sit outside the house in the gutter. I believe she would rather remain indoors." "The devil!" I exclaimed. "Oh! she probably wouldn't make it so bad as that," said Uncle Matthias; "she would doubtless exert a gentle, feminine rule, as people call it, over you,- you would be somewhat tightly tied to her apron-string." "I'm not afraid of that," said I; "after the marriage I'd soon get her out of the habit of having the first bushel of rye." "Don't rely upon that," said my uncle. "You know the proverb: Before the wedding tame your mate, "No," I replied, "that's something new," and looked as if my uncle had told me I had been made pope. "Well, then, sit down," said he, “and I'll tell you a story." "Go on," I replied, "but don't try to give it a useful moral. I'm too old for that." "Don't worry," said he, "your dear wife will apply the moral, if you don't follow my advice." I sat down in my uncle's room, and he began the story.. "He then went back to the inn with the miller, and asked, 'Well, have you seen?' "Yes,' said the miller, 'that's splendid. How did you begin this?' 666 In a very simple way,' replied the smith. "'No.' 666 666 you Did you beat her?' "No." "Well, what did you "In Rumpelmannshagen, where I spent | Sophie. Don't get tired, if I come home the first years of my apprenticeship, lived late this evening." two fine young fellows, one named Wolf, who was a blacksmith in the village, and the other named Kiwitt, who was a miller. The smith was smart and knew what he was doing, the miller was stupid, but had money. Well, in due time a rumour ran through the village: 'Gossips, have you all heard? The smith and the miller are courting the magistrate's Sophie and Marie, and they say the weddings will come off at Martinmas.' And it proved true. They were both married at Martinmas, and the old father gave a splendid wedding, and we young people were invited; and I remember to this day what jolly times we had, for towards morning Ludwig Brookmann turned a mug of beer over my head, and when I was angry said, 'One ought surely to take a joke.' After the wedding everything went smoothly for a time, but ere long there was a whisper in the village: 'Gossips, have you all heard the news? The miller's wife beats her husband.' And this was true. One Sunday afternoon the miller came to the smith, who was sitting in the inn playing solitaire. 'Well,' said the former, I know what has happened to you to-day.' "How so?' asked the smith, rising and going out with his brother-in-law. "Why,' said the miller, 'don't try to humbug me! we have both gone into fine service.' If you mean my wife,' said the smith, 'I must tell you I have gone into excellent service.'. "Yes,' said the miller, 'when she isn't in the house.' do then?' "I'll tell you,' said the smith. 'When we were betrothed, I watched to discover what article of dress she liked best, and I found it was a pretty little red silk handkerchief; so I seized the opportunity when we had had breakfast, and the table was smeared with goose-grease, to wipe it off with her beautiful handkerchief. Well, you can imagine how she stormed at me! But I clasped her in my arms, and kissed her, saying, "Sophie, you surely have me. What do you care for such a handkerchief? You can get another like it, but you won't so easily find a man as fond of you as I am." Well, she submitted, and when we afterwards went to the royal shooting-match, she bought a pot, a very handsome pot, and while she was admiring it I took it and played with it, and — baff-I threw it on a stone. She again began to storm a little, but I kissed her and said, "Never mind, Sophie, it's better for the pot to be broken than if I had come to harm, for I shall earn our bread all our lives." Well, lastly, I broke three teeth out of her comb, but then she only laughed, saying, "I wonder if you'll buy me a new one at the Teterow'sehen fair this fall." Well, I did that too, and so the thing has remained; she is satisfied with everything. But I must go in to my game.' "The smith went into the tavern, but at the end of half an hour the inn-keeper ran in, saying, 'Come out here, Wolf! Kiwitt the miller is standing outside in a pitiful plight.' "The smith went out, found his brother-in-law with a scratched face and a swollen eye, and, not a little startled, asked, Why, Kiwitt, what's the matter now?' "Yes, that's all very well to say,' replied the miller; this comes of your confounded stories.' "How so?' asked the smith. "Yes, ask once more,' said the miller. I remembered your nonsensical story, and thought what had served with one sister might serve with the other; at least "And for all that you can make no use of the story? Of course what the smith did with the handkerchief and the pot and the comb won't answer for you. You must try something else. For instance, you can doubtless, at your age, perform before marriage three foolish acts." I might try it. So I went home. My fool will be mistaken." I must have wife was standing before the looking-glass looked very absurd, for my uncle laughed, brushing her hair, and on the table lay saying, her best cap. I said to myself, "This is a lucky chance," took the cap, and thought, If you throw it into the dirty water in the wash-basin, it will be just the thing." Well, I did so; and she saw my movements in the looking-glass, and before I had any idea what was coming scratched me in the face, and when I said, "Marie, you have me, and can easily get another cap!" she shouted, "Yes, I have you, and you shall get your pay for the cap." And see,' said the miller, passing his hand over his swollen eye, 'this is what she did, and all on account of your confounded story.' 66 6 You simpleton,' replied the smith, 'didn't I tell you I played the trick before marriage? What serves before marriage is useless after. "And this is the story, my son," said my Uncle Matthias, rising; "and, if you are wise, you can act accordingly." I also rose, walked to the window, thought the story over in my mind, and at last turned, saying, "It's a confounded anecdote, uncle. You generally tell much better ones." 66 "Foolish acts?" I asked. "Foolish acts," said my uncle; and I paced up and down the room reflecting on the matter, and finally said, "Yes, I believe, uncle, I can soon set everything to rights." "Do so, then," said my uncle. "And you think I shall then remain master of my house?" "Yes, my son, I think so. Foolishnot wrong acts. You see, if she begins to scold, you can throw your arms around her neck, and say, 'Let it pass! let it pass! Don't mind that affair, look instead at my heart, which belongs to you, and will beat for you forever.' And then, my boy," he added, "then you can still bring in the kneeling; for you may say what you like it belongs there." I reflected upon the matter a short time, and then said to myself, "He is your Yes," cried my uncle laughing, "because I generally tell you the practical ap-mother's brother, and you ought to let plication at once, and now you must find him have his own way." it yourself." "You don't expect me to throw my betrothed's cap into a wash-basin, or wipe off the table with her silk handkerchief?" "You can try it," laughed the old rogue. "Well," said I, "that will do me no good." The old man laughed still more, and at last said, "Boy, how old are you really?" I did not care to hear much about my age during the time of my betrothal, and thinking, "Aha, you are sprinkling a little pepper again!" asked, "What do you mean?" I might here relate what acts I performed, but will refrain. Some accident might suffer the account to fall into my wife's hands, and she might possibly notice that all these things had been secretly planned, and she had been tricked into her goodness, and therefore say, "Stop! this game won't do ; you have been cheating me. I'll shuffle the cards. There! I have the lead, and now take care. We'll see if you can't be fooled." But often when now, as my wife, she flits silently and busily about, constantly attending to my wants, and affectionately "Oh," said he, "I mean nothing." yielding to my wishes, I think, "You "Then let me tell you," I said some-ought to be ashamed of yourself for havwhat sharply, "I was forty-one years old the 7th of last November." 66 ing commenced with deception;" and a short time ago I said to my uncle, "I'll tell you what, I'm going to confess to her the cause of my foolish acts before marriage." "So," said he, "you are in the forties." Yes, perhaps that doesn't suit you? "Oh, I don't care," he replied, "I was only thinking of the proverb: He who in the twenties is not handsome, in the thir-uncle. ties not strong, in the forties not wise, and in the fifties not rich, can be let alone, and will amount to nothing. And you don't seem to be wise in the forties." "Uncle Matthias,” said I, drawing_myself up proudly, "he who takes me for a Do they trouble you?" asked my "Every clever fellow must do one foolish and one sensible act; but he ought not to speak of them himself, or both will lose their virtue. You are living very happily; be content with that." "Yes," said I, "it's all very well for you to talk so; but I often feel as if we might be still happier, if she had the rule." "My son,” replied old Uncle Matthias, putting his hand on my shoulder, "all the happiness possible in this world does not fall into one pair of hands,-be satisfied with what you have. As for the married state, don't you know old Jochen Smith? I mean old Jochen Smith who lived with his wife till he was eighty, and was buried with her on the same beautiful summer Sunday morning. Well, he once said to me, for I myself know nothing about it, -Herr Sergeant, married life is like an apple-tree, one sits in it and plucks and plucks; but the fairest and reddest apples grow near the top, where nobody is tall enough to reach. If a man is foolish, and wants to get the apples by force, he takes a stick and knocks down the finest ones, spoiling them, and also breaking off the branches on which are the buds the sensible man lets them quietly remain, and waits until late in the autumn; then they will fall into his lap of their own accord, and taste much sweeter.' And therefore, my boy," added my old uncle, while his dear old face wore a grave, kindly expression," don't knock off your red apples before the time, but wait till late in the autumn; then, when you take your wife the last beautiful one, tell her the story of your tricks before marriage, and she will laugh over them herself." From Fraser's Magazine. GERMAN HOME LIFE.* BY A LADY. VIII. MEN. WHEN a man, as will now and again happen, has the misfortune to write and publish a more than usually feeble story, the critics, by a simple yet ingenious method, gently convey to him that he has mistaken his vocation in life. "Miss So-and-So," they say, "will probably be surprised to hear that all her men are monsters; that the archangelic do not as yet walk amongst us clothed in tweed and broadcloth; nor do Oxford shoes disguise the cloven foot of our acquaintance," and so on, through paragraphs of infinitely cruel jocosity, admirably calculated not only to extinguish the well-meaning young It has been found impossible to finish these papers within the limits of our present number. An article on "Marriage" will conclude the series. man, but also pour décourager les autres; "les autres" being the enterprising ladies from out of whose midst his critics are supposed to have singled him. These papers being avowedly written by a woman, she perhaps ought to leave all opinion or comment on "the head and crown of things" to the more competent virile pen. She would only venture, by way of apology and justification, to say thus much: that if "some power" have given "the giftie" to men to see themselves and each other all round as other (men) see them, women are not altogether out in the dark; they see men from their own (i.e. the feminine) standpoint, and this coign of vantage is not an altogether unimpor tant one. A man in his dressing-gown and slippers may show more of the real man that is in him to his wife than is ever likely to be known to his fellow-swaggerers at the club, or the Major Pendennises of life with whom he lounges along the Row in the morning, or sneers languidly through a summer's afternoon. To say of men, generally, that they are of the "superior sex, is to say very little when applied to German men. Unfortunately, the genius of the language and the scheme of creation do not admit of "superiorest;" so we must go round about it, and say that in Germany the relative position of the sexes is what one imagines to be conveyed in the sentence, "And the sons of God took unto themselves daughters of men." It is not, however, my purpose here to speak specifically of the German "husband," because that, though an essentially feminine view of the subject, would be to limit it to an inconveniently narrow sphere; and a man, whether bond or free, whether bachelor or benedick"a man's a man for a' that.” And, to begin with the physical aspects of the matter, we may venture to affirm, without fear of contradiction, that from earliest childhood the German man has privileges above the German woman, and these privileges grow always and increase. We know what their respective physical education is: the boy belongs to his Turn-Verein; he mixes with his inferiors, superiors, and equals; he profits by his holidays to take long walking-tours; he lives entirely during these summer excur sions in the rough, carrying his modest wardrobe in a knapsack, eating how, when, where he can; falling in with parties of other youthful students like himself, fraternizing on the road, hob-a-nobbing in the inns, singing with his full young voice the Volkslieder, the Studentenlieder, the |