GOOD TIMEKEEPER.

"How late is it, Bill? Look at the boss, and see if he is drunk yet-if he isn't, it can't be much after eleven." "Does he keep such good time?" "Splendid; they set the town clock by his

nose.

moon.

NATURAL PHILOSOPHY.

AN Irishman and Scotchman were once talking about the sun and The latter asserted that of the two luminaries the sun was the most useful. To this Pat replied "How can that be? for sure doesn't the moon shine when it is dark, and the sun only makes his appearance when it is daylight, at any rate."

SUPPLEMENT.

A YOUNG writer thus informs his "lovyer" what he intends to do, should she "up and die" some day. The authorities should keep an eye on the youth :

I'll deck your tomb with flowers, the rarest ever seen,

And with my tears for showers, I'll keep them ever green.

THE HUMAN VOICE.

OH! how wonderful is the human voice! It is, indeed, the organ of the soul! The intellect of man sits enthroned visibly upon the forehead and in his eye: and the heart of man is written upon his countenance. But the soul reveals itself in the voice only. The soul of man is audible, not visible. A sound alone betrays the flowing of the eternal fountain, visible to man.

“EPHRAIM," said Simon, "what does a fellow look like when gallanting his sweetheart through a shower ?" "Why," replied Ephraim, looking at his boot, "he has very much the appearance of looking like a rain beau."

ONE of the States passed an act, that no dog should go at large without a muzzle, and a man was brought up for infringing the statute. In defence, he alleged that his dog had a muzzle. "How is that?" quoth the justice. "Oh!" said the defendant, "the act says nothing as to where the muzzle shall be placed, and as I thought the animal would like the fresh air, I put it on his tail."

AT a Church in Scotland, where there was a popular call for a minister, as it is termed, two candidates offered to preach, whose names were Adam and Low. The latter preached in the morning, and took for his text, "Adam, where art thou ?" He made an excellent discourse, and the congregation were much edified. In the afternoon, Mr. Adam preached upon the words, "Lo, here am I." The impromptu and the sermon gained the appointment.

FATES OF THE FAMILIES OF ENGLISH POETS. IT is impossible to contemplate the early death of Byron's only child without reflecting sadly on the fates of other females of our greatest poets. Shakspeare and Milton, each died without a son, but both left daughters, and both names are now extinct. Shakspeare's was soon so. Addison had an only child-a daughter, a girl of some five or six years at her father's death. She died unmarried, at the age of eighty or more. Farquhar left two girls, dependant on the friendship of his friend Wilkes, the actor, who stood nobly by them while he lived. They had a small pension from the Government, and having long out-lived their father, and seen his reputation unalterably established, both died unmarried. The son and daughter of Coleridge both died childless. The two sons of Sir Walter Scott died without children - one of two daughters died unmarried, and the Scotts of Abbotsford and Waverley are now represented by the children of a daughter. How little could Scott foresee the sudden failure of male issue? The poet of the "Fairie Queen "lost a child when very young by fire, when the rebels burned his house in Ireland. Some of the poets had sons and no daughters. Thus we read of Chaucer's son, of Dryden's sons,-of the sons of Burns,-of Allen Ramsey's son, of Dr. Young's son,-of Campbell's son,-of Moore's son,-and of Shelley's son. Ben Johnson survived all his children. Some, and those among the greatest, died unmarried-Butler, Cowley, Congreve, Otway, Prior, Pope, Gay, Thompson, Cowper, Akenside, Shenstone, Collins, Gray, Goldsmith. Rogers still lives single. Some were unfortunate in their sons in a sadder way than death could make them. Lady Lovelace has left three children--two sons and a daughter. Her mother is still alive to see, perhaps, with a softened spirit, the shade of the father beside the early grave of his only child. Ada's looks, in her later years-years of suffering, borne with gentle and womanly fortitude-have been happily caught by Mr. Henry Phillips, whose father's pencil has preserved to us the best likeness of Ada's

father.

Mr.

INSTINCTIVE FIDELITY OF THE DOG. A MAN who had got drunk in Perth lately, was so overcome on his way home to Ruthenfield, that he lay down on the road, where he was watched for some time by his dog, until a person passing along the footpath, the faithful animal ran up to him, and to his alarm seized his coat tails and dragged him to his prostrate master in the ditch. When raised to his feet, the dog returned thanks in his own fashion for the assistance, which his master was unable to express, by licking his hands and other signs of canine attachment.

EFFECTS OF DRINKING.-He who takes too many glasses will become himself a tumbler.

WOMAN.

And

WE come to men for philosophy, to women for consolation. the thousand weaknesses and regrets, the sharp sands of the minutiæ that make up sorrow-all these which I would have betrayed to no man-not even in the dearest and tenderest of all men-I showed without shame to thee,

TO "E

my mother!

T-."

No, never to thee, were those trifling words spoken,
None seeketh for mirth, where the spirits are broken:
I meant not to wound thee-nor guessed it was thou;
Believe me and read what I say to you now.

For thyself-have compassion-nor vainly recall
The sad past—which had long been forgotten by all;
By all, save thyself; oh! then, let it die,

And believe, that sincere, and still faithful, am I.

Bright honour has set her strict guard o'er my tongue,
That whate'er else betides, that can ne'er do thee wrong;
The clouds of the past, draw a veil o'er thine eyes,

Or thoud'st own that thy path, too, thro' rosy "light" lies.

Cast off the dark medium-look up and thou'lt see,
How the bright path may also be trodden by thee;
Think, oh! think, of the future, go bury the past,
Then shall cheerfulness smile, too, where thy lot is cast.

ECONOMY.

A YOUNG man had entertained a tender passion for a young woman, but was so bashful, that he could not tell his love. He had courage, however, to put up the "askings." The young lady was indignant, and gave her lover a severe lecture. He replied "that it was easy to go again to the parson, and forbid the banns." After a moment's pause, she replied-" If it has been done, it is a pity the shilling should be thrown away."

A CUTE down Easter, says, " he once saw a fellow who could lie down and jump over himself, stand up and jump under himself, turn round and jump beside himself, and then turn back and jump Jim Crow." We should call that Jimnastic exercise.

AN Irishman complained of his physician that he kept so stuffing him with drugs, that he was sick for a week after he was quite well.

THE labour of removing so ponderous a column as Cleopatra's needle to Old England, will be the most costly needlework ever heard of.

WHEN a painter can no longer earn a living, he should throw away his palate.

OLD ENGLISH SPORT.-The fairest cock fight is fowl play.

VOL. I.

2 x

GLASGOW UNIVERSITY.

INSTALLATION OF THE EARL OF EGLINTON.

I CANNOT claim to myself the eloquence of a Stanley, or a Macaulay-the ripe statesmanship of a Peel, or a Lansdowne, the varied genius of a Brougham, the brilliant acquirements of a Jeffrey, or a Cockburn, the learning of a Mure, or the pen of an Alison, but I will yield to none in upholding the sacred cause of education. I trust I have no more vanity than other men, but if anything could at such a time be a drawback to the gratification which I feel, it is that I should have been opposed, however unwillingly on my part, as well as on his, to a nobleman whom I esteem and admire so much as the Duke of Argyle, one who though young in years, is already rich in eloquence, in learning, and in wisdom-one who has already earned for himself a niche in the temple of fame, and a high place in the estimation of his fellow countrymen, who has never prostrated his great talents to factious purposes or selfish ends, unblemished in character as he is unsullied in hereditary descent--a worthy representative of perhaps the greatest family among the nobles of Scotland. He is worthy of the encomium which Thompson bestowed on his greatest ancestor

From thy rich tongue,

Persuasion flows, and wins the high debate,

While mixed in thee combine the charms of youth,
The force of manhood, and the depth of age!

I should have cheerfully submitted to defeat in such a contest, and hailed him with pleasure, as your Lord Rector, in the well known words of Cicero. His Lordship (among other able remarks) went on to say to his juvenile auditors :-" It is now that a caravan is plying twice a week with Edinburgh, but the city is surrounded by a positive net work of railways, three of which alone conveyed along the rails last year nearly 5,000,000 passengers. Till within these few years, this place was barely known as one of commerce. It is energy, combined with education, and aided, too, by science, which has achieved these wonders, and which is every day raising this great city, and displaying the invincible. industry and indomitable perseverance of her inhabitants. And now, gentlemen, allow me to address a few words of advice and exhortation to you to you, my young friends, who by your kindness have not only given to me the right, but have made it a duty, that I should speak to you with some authority, and without more reserve. The few years which you spend in this place, are the most important in your lives. The choice which you make here will probably rule your future destiny; on the principles which you here imbibe will probably depend your fate in eternity. There may be some individual exceptions, which prove the rule, but in the great majority of cases the character of the after man springs from the character of the youth; his career in after life is

foreshadowed by his career at school and college. Every one of you is as much engaged in the formation of your character as the sculptor is with the shapeless clay; every one of you has an immortal soul committed to your keeping. There is not one of you who cannot make for himself respectability, at least, if not fame. It is for you to decide whether you will be hereafter respected, and honoured, or whether you will be a pest to society, and a burden to yourselves. I trust you will all accept the first offer, that is held out to you by the advantages you now enjoy, and that few indeed will take the latter course. There are no doubt some among you with better intellects, and keener perceptions than the rest, and every one cannot hope to attain excellence, or to climb the highest pinnacle of human ambition; but there is not one of you who cannot, at least attain to mediocrity, and if you cannot gain the admiration, you will at least claim the esteem of your fellow creatures. Never allow yourself to despair of any thing beyond your reach, never think that any branch of knowledge is beneath you, for there is no intellect which cannot be sharpened, there is no memory which cannot be improved, there are no bad habits that cannot be rectified, in the plastic season of youth. There may be some of you whom I am addressing, who are not destined to cross the threshold of that busy life, on which you are now standing, and to realize those expectations, they and their friends have formed of the youthful promise of them. I will say especially to them, Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, and if you do there is no happiness which any imagination can conjure up, no brilliant destiny which talent and application can give to you, or no honour which any earthly power can bestow upon you, which will equal those blessings which this will bring to you. For some of you there is probably in store long life and chequered circumstances. To them I will say, seize upon the present advantages you enjoy, as a drowning man seizes on the last hope of his preservation, and profit by the excellent education which is here afforded to you."

QUALIFICATIONS FOR A WIFE.

FANNY FERN, a very pretty writer for some literary papers, says she is ready to jump at the first offer of marriage, and presents her qualifications as follows:-" I have black eyes and hair, and am petite. I am as sensitive as the mimosa, spirited as an eagle, and ́untameable as a chain of lightning. Can make a pudding, or write a newspaper squib, cut a child's frock, or cut a caper, and crowd more happiness or misery into ten minutes than any Fanny that was ever christened."

POETS seldom make good astronomers. They so love women, they cannot see the other heavenly bodies.