Though hunted down, thou would'st not yield; cine, I can have no objection to giving an opinion on the subject." Now, could any thing have been more proper? Provided Dr. Bradley " approved" of the composition being kept a secret, however disposed he may be to trample upon the metallick tractors on that very account, he had an undoubted right to express himself accordingly. I have another incontestable proof of the doctor's incomprehensible wisdom and discretion. - He has ascertained that this internal medicine, though powerful " is safe and innocent;" which peculiar virtue is not possessed by any other internal medicine that ever was, and I fear, ever will be discovered again, unless Dr. B. tries his skill a second time. "This point," says the doctor, "I ascertained on first receiving a supply of it from you, by taking it myself, and also by administering it to the patients labouring under acute rheumatism [so now the gout medicine will cure other diseases!] in which cases it always relieved pain, without producing any disagreeable effect on the constitution!!!" But go on: "In acutely inflammatory and painful attacks of the gout, I have never seen it fail to produce the desired effect." (Vid. page 57.) Euge! Euge! Great doctor Bradley! Let no half-sighted mortal, who is aware of the achievements of this lordly chieftain and his imprecations so often poured forth against every supporter of a nostrum, who values among mankind that deportment, denominated coNSISTENCY, exclaim at this modest account of the virtues of the present nostrum, HOW ARE THE MIGHTY FALLEN!!" No! But let him ponder well, and recollect, that Bradley " is an honourable man, and so are they all, all Thus Witherington, in doleful dumps, And could'st thou, pertinacious Bradley, honourable men," who have raised the standard of defiance against the encroachments of Perkinism ! 10 'Gainst Belgraves, Colquhouns, Wilberforces! What business had these fellows to intrude their noses into the concerns of the Westminster infirmary ? Brother B. had an undoubted right to manage, or mismanage, the funds of a medical institution, as best suited his own convenience, without their troublesome interference. 11 All in a chariot take an airing. I hereby enter a protest against any one of my commentators, whether he be Vanscanderdigindich the elder, or Hansvanshognosuch, his cousin German (two Dutch geniuses, who have promised to furnish the next edition of this my pithy poem with a whole ass-load of annotations) or any other gentlemen criticks or reviewers of equal profundity, presuming to intimate, that I intend, by this passage, the smallest disrespect to your pedestrian physicians. Far from that; I know that many good and great men (like myself, for example) cannot even pay a shilling for hackney-coach hire. No, gentlemen; I have two great objects in view, to wit: 1. To encourage my brother B- to persevere in his Led on by chieftains so redoubted, laudable attempt to kick Perkinism back to the country whence it originated, by reminding him, that if the feat were once performed, he might, perhaps, soon afford the expense of a chariot to transport, in a respectable manner, all that wig, without laying the entire burden on the curious sconce it now envelops. 2. To remind brother B-, and the profession in general, how much more execution may be done by a charioteer than by a pedestrian physician. Although great men frequently differ, I am happy to find Mr. Addison's opinion and mine, in this particular, perfectly consentaneous. "This body of men," says he, speaking of physicians in our own country, " may be described like the British army in Cesar's time. Some slay in chariots, and some on foot. If the infantry do less execution than the cha rioteers, it is because they cannot be carried, so soon, into all parts of the town, and despatch so much business in so short a time." Spectator, No. 21. Not an individual, I will venture to assert, who knows my brother B-, but must feel the really urgent necessity of elevating him, as soon as possible, from le pavé and giving those talents their full swing. Then, indeed, soon might our charioteer justly boast " London, with all her passing bells, can tell, 1 Then, if in future people be sick, Why stand ye now, like drones, astounded, But first, to make the bigger bluster, Some place in rear, and some in front on, Some fell by laudanum, and some by steel, From Brodum down to gaseous Thornton. I am fully sensible that many of my brethren, of less discernment than myself, would have assigned this famous little genius a rank on the empirical list even above Dr. Brodum. Making puffing their criterion, they will argue that those acute half-guinea paragraphs which we occasionally see at the fag end of the Times and other morning papers, respecting that "very learned physician,"his "great discoveries, and improvements in the medical application of the gases," his "grand national and botanical work," and fifty others of the same strain, asserting the high claims of this airy writer on the gratitude of the Now when the foe you first get sight on, publick, are incontestable proofs of his superiour merits in the puffing department, which, say they, are some of the most necessary ingredients in the formation of a charlatan. All this is specious reasoning; but I trust I shall show its fallacy. Pre-eminence, in my opinion, must be founded on some intrinsick excellence, original and independent of adventitious circumstances. If we closely examine the merits of this candidate, we shall find that there can be no great claim on this score. Let any man enjoy the facilities and advantages of a general dealer in the airs, who must of course have puffs of all descriptions at hand; and where is the merit of occasionally letting off one ? If there be any thing like originality in this industrious little philosopher, and for the invention of which I should be inclined to allow him the credit of ingenuity, it consists in his meritometer, which proposes to measure the merits of his fellow creatures by the degree of faith they can afford to bestow on the infallibility of his gasses as a panacea. See his plan of this instrument, or rather the deductions drawn from his trials of it, in his large five volume compilation of " Extracts," vol. i. page 459. From this scale it appears, that of mankind are either fools or knaves, as that proportion places no confidence in the efficacy of his catholicon. I hope, therefore, after the good reasons here assigned for my conduct, I shall not be suspected of partiality to Dr. Brodum in retaining him at the head of the quacks, nor ill will to Dr. T. for not calling him up higher on the list. 1000 |