Some congenial physicians, tired of the deadening drudgery of a physician's life, decided to meet at more or less regular intervals, to dine together, to exchange impressions, in short, to have a jolly restful time. It was suggested that each of the members of this informal club prepare for each meeting a brief article-even of only a few lines for the amusement of his fellow members. The article should preferably be a mild satire, or a comment, on some of the evils of our profession, or on the foibles of our leaders. Some members objected on the score that they could not write. They were told that an interesting or amusing clipping would do. It was decided to print the members' contributions in the CRITIC & GUIDE, and we are glad that our readers will be able to participate once a month in this feast of wit and good humor. They Were Born on the Same Day, or the Palace Harold. There was much joy in the household, when Harold was born. He was the first, and they wanted a boy. The batiste of his layette was of the finest and softest. His cradle had been imported from Paris. The doctor came daily for three weeks and two trained nurses watched over him day and night. The milk-mixtures he was fed on were prepared according to the latest formulæ of the most eminent pediatrists. His house was a palace on Fifth Avenue. As a youngster he was not permitted to go into the street, except under the supervision of a nurse. To avoid contamination with the vulgar, he attended only private schools, whither and whence he was driven in a carriage. After much travail on the part of private tutors, he entered Columbia. but having stayed two years in the freshman class, he left, considering that his education was complete. At the age of twentyfive he was enjoying life in Paris, painting the effervescent city on the Seine a scarlet hue and rapidly going the way which leads to general paresis.... Jim. The joy was very moderate when Jim was born. In fact we would not be so far from the truth, if we stated that there was no joy at all. He was the fifth, and his parents wanted no more boys nor girls either. He slept in his mother's bed and nursed from his mother's breast. His home was the third floor of a tenement house on Monroe Street. He made the acquaintance of the street at an early age, and while he attacked nobody, he knew how to defend himself, in or out of school. He made his first dollar at the age of eleven by selling newspapers, and at the age of fourteen he apprenticed himself to a druggist for two dollars a week. He studied at night in Cooper Union, and graduated the medical department. of Columbia with honors, winning a research scholarship. At the age of twenty-eight we find him studying hard in the psychiatric clinics of Paris, acting as assistant to Charcot. He was not painting the city any color at all. * * * Harold is now thirty five, and is confined in a private sanitarium, suffering from general paresis. Jim is now thirty five and he is the medical director of the sanitarium in which Harold is a patient. * * * The moral of this story?—None. Easy Lessons in Medicine. W. J. R. Marital incompatibility.-The mating of a minute-man with an hour-glass woman. This situation is about as prevalent as measles. Emmetropia.-A word signifying normal vision which when uttered without warning in the presence of an ophthalmologist has been known to cause sudden death. Crusade. A so-called educational movement addressed to the laity by ambitious physicians and offered as a palliative against the evil of poor professional preparation, which deprives the people of proper guidance. Malaria.-A blanket term used by careless practitioners to cover antrum disease, leukemia, tuberculosis and about eighty-six other diseases not susceptible of diagnosis without some thought and effort. Accouchement Forcé.-The forcible hastening of slow but sure labor in order that the obstetrician may keep a dinner or theatre engagement. Adenoids.-The sole cause of impeded nasal respiration in children. Obstructions in the anterior nares are only apparent, not real, and should be wholly ignored. Incipient cancer of the cervix and body of the uterus.-A hypothetic stage of cancer which no surgeon ever sees and which he insists is constantly overlooked by the general practitioner-which is the reason, says the typical surgeon, why he never sees it in time to effect a cure by operation. Cancer can be cured, says the surgeon, if operated upon very early. Since he never, according to his own declarations, receives any cases from the general practitioner in the so-called incipient stage, his a priori claim of the curability of cancer in that stage does not inspire our entire confidence. But if you ever nail a case in that much talked about stage send it to the surgeon without delay and give him an opportunity to prove his theory. By the way, we don't believe that the average general practitioner is a Mongolian idiot. There have been times when the surgeons and various self-constituted spokesmen for the profession have almost convinced us that he was. We make bold to say that the cases that would puzzle him would puzzle the "specialist." But nine times out of ten the woman comes to him with a cervix well involved and the vaginal wall nearly so. Generally speaking, you can't hold him responsible for the surgical results. It is about time that the surgeon's hackneyed calumny was refuted by that worm who never turns-the G. P. The venereal peril.-An alarming state of affairs alleged to exist by certain genito-urinary "specialists" who "hint" broadly that nearly everybody (more especially members of church clubs and the Y. M. C. A.) is infected in some degree and should place themselves in their hands for treatment at from $5.00 to $10.00 per treatment. It is said that these men have never discovered a normal urethra. Nor do they admit the probability of such a thing, conceding the point only in theory. A member of the Priapean Society (the national g. u. association.) was recently expelled, we understand, because he stood self-convicted as a charlatan, having read a paper in which he reported an alleged heavy fall in the incidence of gonorrhea. Alienist.-A gentleman who is fixed to unfix fixed delusions. Specialist. In most cases merely a self-acknowledged expert. Some of them have solved the difficult problem of giving nothing for something. Gonorrhea. An excessively rare disease, said to be incurable; existence denied by some authorities. Science for the Young. Thoughtful little Willie Frazer Used the blade to shave his stubble; Mamie often wondered why Whereupon the cat grew frantic, Executing many an antic. "Ah," cried Mamie, overjoyed, "Pussy is an alkaloid." Arthur with a lighted taper Touched the fire to grandpa's paper, Grandpa leaped a foot or higher, Dropped the sheet, and shouted "Fire." Arthur wrapped in contemplation, "This," he cried, "confirms my notion Heat creates both light and motion." Wee, experimental Nina Dropped her mother's Dresden China The Doctor of the Future. WALLACE IRWIN. Among other good things, Dr. Woods Hutchinson had the following to say in his address at the Tuberculosis Exhibition: "There are persons in this hall who will live to see tuberculosis as nearly extinct as leprosy or smallpox. The death rate from tuberculosis in this city has decreased 20 per cent in the last twenty years. The disease is being rapidly stamped out. The fact is, we doctors are working ourselves out of a living by checking diseases. "We doctors used to live by typhoid fever in the fall, pneumonia in the winter, and influenza in the spring. A doctor with a fair practice could always count on from $300 to $3,000 every fall from typhoid fever. Now that is practically gone. Every doctor could also count on a good deal from the visits of the stork, but even that has almost passed away these days. From this point of view the future for the doctor is a bit discouraging. But I also see signs of encouragement, for this is the dawn of the new doctor. The time is rapidly coming when two-thirds of the doctors will be in the employ of the community, either as inspectors in the schools or on boards of various kinds. The day is near at hand also when the doctor will no longer be engaged to patch up the sick man, but to prevent him from getting sick. He will visit families, examine the premises, inspect factories and shops, and give instruction to his patients how to keep from getting sick. Each family will select its doctor and pay him so much a year per capita. The doctors will not lose by the arrangement, either." Emmanuelite Worcester's Cure for Insomnia. "When you retire, think of the beautiful things of Nature, Imagine you are on the brink of a placid lake; then think of the soft moonlight as it falls on the peaceful water." Doesn't old Abernethy say: "You may see a person with gout who is almost unable to move with pain, but produce a shock on his nervous system by telling him that the house is on fire, and he will scamper about like a lamplighter." TO OUR HUNTING FRIENDS. Dear Doctor: Enclosed find my subscription. I like the way you "talk out" or rather "write out" in your CRITIC & GUIDE, and I also like your motto concerning the search after and the handling of truth, or what one supposes it to be. Last evening! ruminated over your last number and feel that some more such mental food would be pleasant and nourishing. Would that there were more men like you who would dare to declare themsel ves concerning truths necessary to be established. Sincerely yours, B. H. Grove, M. D., 334 Pearl St., Buffalo, N. Y. |