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Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter. -
Ant. S. Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell?
Dro. S. Master, shall I be porter at the gate?
SCENE I.—The same. Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, DROMIO OF EPHESUS,
ANGELO, and BALTHAZAR. Ant. E. Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all. My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours: Say that I linger'd with you at your shop To see the making of her carcanet, And that to-morrow you will bring it home. But here's a villain that would face me down. He met me on the mart; and that I beat him, And charg'd him with a thousand marks in gold; And that I did deny my wife and house:Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?
Dro. E. Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know :
Ant. E. I think thou art an ass.
Marry, so it doth appear
Ant. E. You are sad, Signior Balthazar; pray God, our May answer my good-will and your good welcome here. Bal. I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome
dear. Ant. E. O, Signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish, A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish.
Bal. Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords. Ant. E. And welcome more common; for that's nothing
but words. Bal. Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.
Ant. E. Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest. But though my cates be mean, take them in good part; Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart. But, soft; my door is lock'd: go bid them let us in.
Dro. E. Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Jen! Dro. S. [within.] Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb,
idiot, patch! Either get thee from the door or sit down at the hatch: Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st for such
store, When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door. Dro. E. What patch is made our porter? My master
stays in the street. Dro. S. Let him walk from whence he came, lest he
catch cold on 's feet. Ant. E. Who talks within there? ho, open the door. Dro. S. Right, sir, I'll tell you when an you'll tell me
wherefore. Ant. E. Wherefore! for my dinner: I have not dined
to-day. Dro. S. Nor to-day here you must not; come again when
you may. Ant. E. What art thou that keep'st me out from the
house I owe? Dro. S. The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.
[my name; Dro. E. O villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame. If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place, Thou wouldst have chang'd thy face for a name, or thy
name for an ass. Luce. [within.] What a coil is there! Dromio, who are
those at the gate? Dro. E. Let my master in, Luce. Luce.
Faith no; he comes too late ; And so tell your master. Dro. E.
O Lord, I must laugh ;Have at you with a proverb.-Shall I set in my staff? Luce. Have at you with another: that's,—When? can
you tell ? Dro. S. If thy name be called Luce,-Luce, thou hast
answer'd him well.
Ant. E. Do you hear, you minion? you 'll let us in, I hope?
And you said no. Dro. E. So, come, help: well struck; there was blow for
blow. Ant. E. Thou baggage, let me in.
Can you tell for whose sake? Dro. E. Master, knock the door hard. Luce.
Let him knock till it ache. Ant. E. You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door
down. Luce. What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town? Adr. [within.] Who is that at the door, that keeps all
this noise ? Dro. S. By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly
boys. Ant. E. Are you there, wife? you might have come before. Adr. Your wife, sir knave! go, get you from the door. Dro. E. If you went in pain, master, this knave would go
sore. Ang. Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome; we would
fain have either. Bal. In debating which was best, we shall part with
neither. Dro. E. They stand at the door, master; bid them wel
come hither. Ant. E. There is something in the wind, that we cannot
get in. Dro. É. You would say so, master, if your garments
were thin. Your cake here is warm within; you stand here in the cold: It would make a man mad as a buck, to be so bought and sold.
Ant. E. Go, fetch me something, I'll break ope the gate. Dro. S. Break any breaking here, and I'll break your
knave's pate. Dro. E. A man may break a word with you, sir; and
words are but wind; Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind. Dro. S. It seems thou wantest breaking; out upon thee,
hind! Dro. E. Here's too much out upon thee: I pray thee,
let me in. Dro. S. Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have
no fin. Ant. E. Well, I'll break in ; go borrow me a crow. Dro. E. A crow without a feather; master, mean you so? For a fish without a fin there's a fowl without a feather: If a crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow together.
Ant. E. Go, get thee gone; fetch me an iron crow.
Bal. Have patience, sir: 0, let it not be so:
Ant. E. You have prevail'd. I will depart in quiet,
Ang. I'll meet you at that place some hour hence.
SCENE II.—The same.
A husband's office? Shall, Antipholus, hate,
Shall love, in building, grow so ruinate? If you did wed my sister for her wealth,
Then, for her wealth's sake, use her with more kindness: Or, if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth;
Muffle your false love with some show of blindness : Let not my sister read it in your eye;
Be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator;
Apparel vice like virtue's harbinger:
Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint;
What simple thief brags of his own attaint? 'Tis double wrong, to truant with your bed
And let her read it in thy looks at board: Shame hath a bastard-fame, well managed;
Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word. Alas, poor women! make us but believe,
Being compact of credit, that you love us: Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve;
We in your motion turn, and you may move us. Then, gentle brother, get you in again;
Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife: 'Tis holy sport to be a little vain
When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife.
(not, Less, in your knowledge and your grace, you show not
Than our earth's wonder; more than earth divine. Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak;
Lay open to my earthy gross conceit, Smother'd in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,
The folded meaning of your words’ deceit. Against my soul's pure truth why labour you
To make it wander in an unknown field? Are you a god? would you create me new?
Transform me, then, and to your power I'll yield. But if that I aní I, then well I know
Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,