with the greatest familiarity, reposes himself on a couch, and fancies himself at home. The master of the house at last comes in, Menalcas rises to receive him, and desires him to sit down; he talks, muses, and then talks again. The gentleman of the house is tired and amazed; Menalcas is no less so, but is every moment in hopes that his impertinent guest will at last end his tedious visit, Night comes on, when Menalcas is hardly undeceived.

and neither sees you, nor any man, nor any thing else; he came once from his country-house, and his own footmen undertook to rob him, and succeeded; they held a flambeau to his throat, and bad him deliver his purse; he did so, and coming home told his friends he had been robbed; they desired to know the particulars, "Ask my servants," said Menalcas, "for they were with me.” BRUYERE.

THE SUITOR.

Lucas, with ragged coat, attends
My lord's levee; and, as he bends,
The gaping wounds expose to view
All else beneath as ragged too.
But hark the peer: My friends, to-day
By great affairs I'm call'd away;
Attend to-morrow at this hour,
Your suits shall claim ray utmost pow'r."
The crowd, retiring, thanks exprest,
Save Lucas, who, behind the rest,
Desponding loiter'd, cries my lord,

Why, Lucas, do you doubt my word ?"
No, sir, 'tis too well understood-
To-morrow!"-Here his garb he view'd.
Alas! my lord! can I be mute?
To-morrow I shall have no suit."

When he is playing at backgammon, he calls for a full glass of wine and water; it is his turn to throw; he has the box in one hand, and his glass in the other, and being extremely dry, and unwilling to lose time, he swallows down both the dice, and at the same time throws his wine into the tables. He writes a letter and flings the sand into the ink-bottle; he writes a second, and mistakes the superscription; a nobleman receives one of them, and upon opening it reads as follows: "I would have you, honest Jack, immediately upon the receipt of this, take in hay enough to serve me the winter." His farmer receives the other, and is amazed to see in it, My Lord, I received your Grace's commands with an entire submission to If he is at an entertainment, you may see the pieces of bread continually multiplying round his plate; it is true the rest of the company want it, as well as their knives and forks, which Menalcas does not let A theatrical manager, one evening when his them keep long. Sometimes in a morning he puts band was playing an overture, went up to the his whole family in a hurry, and at last goes out horn players, and asked why they were not playwithout being able to stay for his coach or dinner, ing. They said they had twenty bars rest. and for that day you may see him in every part of" Rest!" says he, "I'll have no rest in my comthe town, except the very place where he had pany; I pay you for playing not for resting.” appointed to be upon a business of importance. You would often take him for every thing that he is not; for a fellow quite stupid, for he hears nothing; for a fool, for he talks to himself, and has a hundred grimaces and motions with his head, which are altogether involuntary'; for a proud man, for he looks full upon you, and takes no notice of your saluting him; the truth of it is, bis eyes are open, but he makes no use of them,

A HARD MASTER.

APPROPRIATE PRESENTS.

On the City of London presenting Admiral Keppel with the freedom in a box of heart of oak, and Lord Rodney in a gold box: -

Each admiral's defective part,
Satiric cits, you've told:
The wealthy Keppel wanted heart
The gallant Rodney, gold.

THE COMPOSITION OF WINE.

An Asiatic chief being asked his opinion of a pipe of Madeira wine, presented to him by an officer of the company's service, said," he thought a juice extracted from women's tongues, and lion's hearts; for after he had drunk enough of it, he could talk for ever, and fight the devil."

BOX-LOBBY LOUNGERS.

On hearing two worthless cowards challenge each other in Drury-lane theatre, a gentleman present wrote the following stanzas:

In Drury's lobby, Tom and Dick
Pull'd each the other's nose;
Yet, if Dick or Tom was right,
Pray who the devil knows?

fore them. Lady Dainty is convinced, that it is necessary for a gentlewoman to be out of order; and to preserve that character, she dines every her table at two, and be unable to eat in public. day in her closet at twelve, that she may become fashion to be short-sighted. A man would not About five years ago, I remember it was the own an acquaintance until he had first examined him with his glass. At a lady's entrance into the velled at her from every quarter of the pit and playhouse, you might see tubes immediately leside-boxes. However, that mode of infirmity is out, and the age has recovered its sight; but the blind seem to be succeeded by the lame, and a janty limp is the present beauty. I think I have formerly observed, a cane is part of the dress of a prig, and always worn upon a button, for fear he should be thought to have an occasion for it, or be esteemed really, and not genteelly a cripple. I have considered but could never find out the bottom of this vanity. I indeed have heard of a Gascon general, who, by the lucky grazing of a bullet on the roll of his stocking, took occasion to halt all his life after. But as for our peaceable cripples, I know no foundation for their beha viour, without it may be supposed that in this warlike age, some think a cane the next honour to a wooden leg. This sort of affectation I have known run from one limb or member to another, Before the Limpers came in, I remember a race of Lispers, fine persons, who took an aversion to particular letters in our language; some never uttered the letter H; and others had as mortal an aversion to S. Others have had their fashionable

As bad as the world is, I find by very strict observation upon virtue and vice, that if men ap-defect in their ears, and would make you repeat peared no worse than they really are, I should have less work than at present I am obliged to undertake for their reformation. They have generally taken up a kind of inverted ambition, and affect even faults and imperfections of which they are innocent. The first of this order of men are the Valetudinarians, who are never in health; but complain of want of stomach or rest every day until noon, and then devour all which comes be

all you said twice over. I know an ancient friend of mine, whose table is every day surrounded with flatterers, that makes use of this, sometimes as a piece of grandeur, and at others as an art, to make them repeat their commendations. Such affectations have been indeed in the world in ancient times; but they fell into them out of politic ends. Alexander the Great had a wry neck, which made it the fashion in his court

ADVICE TO LOVERS.

to carry their heads on one side when they came | into the presence. One who thought to outshine Poor Hal caught his death, standing under a spout, the whole court, carried his head so over-com- Expecting till midnight when Nan would come outs plaisantly, that this martial prince gave him so But fatal his patience, as cruel the dame, great a box on the ear, as set all the heads of the And curs'd was the weather that quench'd the court upright. Whoe'er thou art that read'st these moral rhymes, Make love at home, and go to bed betimes.

This humour takes place in our minds as well as bodies. I know at this time a young gentleman, who talks atheistically all day in coffeehouses, and in his degrees of understanding sets up for a freethinker; though it can be proved upon him, he says his prayers every morning and evening.

Of the like turn are all your marriage-haters, who rail at the noose, at the words, for ever and aye," and at the same time are secretly Fining for some young thing or other that makes their hearts ache by her refusal. The next to these, are such as pretend to govern their wives, and boast how ill they use them; when, at the same time, go to their houses, and you shall see them step as if they feared making a noise, and are as fond as an alderman. I do not know, but sometimes these pretences may arise from a desire to conceal a contrary defect than they set up for. I remember, when I was a young fellow, we had a companion of a very fearful complexion, who, when we sat in to drink, would desire us to take his sword from him when he grew fuddled, for it was his misfortune to be quarrelsome.

man's flame.

A German clown, at work in his field, seeing his bishop pass by, attended by a train becoming a peer, he could not forbear laughing, and that so loud, that the reverend gentleman asked the reason of it. The clown answered;" I laugh when I think of St. Peter and St. Paul, and see you in such an equipage."-" How is that?" said the bishop.-"Do you ask how?" said the fellow. As the desire of fame in men of true wit and They were ill-advised to walk alone on foot gallantry shews itself in proper instances, the throughout the world, when they were the heads same desire in men who have the ambition with- of the Christian church, and lieutenants of Jesus out proper faculties, runs wild, and discovers Christ, the king of kings; and thou, who art only itself in a thousand extravagances, by which they our bishop, go so well mounted, as to have such a would signalize themselves from others, and gain a train of Hectors, that thou resemblest more a peer set of admirers. When I was a middle-aged man, of the realm, than a pastor of the church." there were many societies of ambitious young men this his reverence replied, "But, my friend, thou in England, who, in their pursuits after fame, dost not consider that I am both a count and a were every night employed in roasting porters, baron, as well as thy bishop." The rustic laughed smcking cobblers, knocking down watchmen, more than before; and the bishop asking him the overturning constables, breaking windows, reason of it, he answered, Sir, when the count blackening sign-posts, and the like immortal en-aud the baron, which you say you are, shall be in terprizes. hell, where will the bishop be?"

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