needy; I sought water, but could find none; yea, my tongue failed for thirst. Yet, blessed be God, though destitute and distrest, I was not suffered to lie down in despair, nor give up the pursuit. No; I sought for the waters of life by sighs and groans, I sought for them with weeping and with supplications, I sought for them with sincerity and submission; and the Lord has attended to the voice of my supplications, and my cry came up before him.

Nothing would now satisfy me, but I must write a letter to the Doctor, to inform him of the state of my mind, and the desire which I had of testifying my gratitude to God, for the great things which he had done for my soul. But not sooner had I begun my letter, than I was beset on every side. Such were the imaginations of my heart, and such the suggestions of Satan, that I could proceed no further. One told me I was an impostor; another, that I was an improper subject, and should only expose my ignorance, and lay myself open to ridicule. Thus was I turned aside from following the footsteps of the flock, and all my views of uniting with the disciples of Christ frustrated, and my intention of sending to him set aside for the pre

sent.

CHAP. VII.

An Account of his Removal into Gloucestershire -Occurrences while there-His Return to London.

Ir was now about three years since my return to England, in which time I had experienced much distress of mind, and many anxious thoughts respecting the providence of God toward me. Every thing seemed to be against me. Having an opportunity of quitting my place, my wife and I united in resolving to retire into the country. I prepared, therefore, for my intended journey; but it was the pleasure of the Lord to stop me for a time, by laying his afflicting hand upon me. A few days after I left my place, I was seized with an ague and fever, which continued for some time, and brought me very low. This also reduced my little property which I had accumulated; that also was a new trial to me. But I was punished less than mine iniquities deserved; and when the Lord was pleased to remove his hand, I hastened to proceed on my journey, leaving my wife be

hind, till I had provided a place for her reception. Being too impatient, and not taking proper care of myself after so severe an illness, I got wet on the road, took cold, and no sooner arrived at my friend's at Wotton-under-Edge, where I intended to reside till I had a place of my own, than I was again taken ill, confined to my bed, and brought down almost to the borders of the grave. Thus the Lord was pleased to try me, as if determined to counteract all my proceedings, and bring all my devices to nought. Yet in the midst of judgment he remembered mercy. I was soon restored again, glory be unto his name; and after my strength was a little renewed, I sought after employment in that branch of business to which I was brought up, which I soon obtained. I also took a house, and got every thing ready for my wife as soon as possible, hoping that we should yet see happy days. But the set time to favour me was not yet come. I was soon convinced that this was not my rest. My expectations had been built upon a sandy foundation. I had depended much upon the comfort and advantage which I should derive from being with my friends; but herein I erred, and the event soon discovered my folly, as well as my mistake.

My wife came to me agreeably to appointment, and appeared very happy in our new habitation; but we were soon discouraged by my Jabour falling off, so that I could hardly get a sufficiency for our support. This, with repeated illness, had much reduced my little stock, as well as weakened my bodily strength by the way. Our family also began to increase, so that we had a new scene of trials, which we endeavoured to keep to ourselves as much as possible; but we soon found our friends began to look shy upon us. But this was not all, I found but little food for my soul. Ordinances were as dry breasts. I attended the preaching of the word with that liberty for which I longed; but the comforts of the Gospel were in a great measure withheld from me. Deadness, barrenness, and distraction took place in my soul. The enemy seemed to be let loose against me, and the smiles of Divine Providence were turned into frowns. These things oppressed my spirit, and reduced my animal frame very low. I was inclined to return again to London; but knew not how I should effect it, or what I should do for the support of my family when I came there. I had trials without, and temptations within. The springs of life seemed to be shut against 5

me, while the power of religion seemed declining in my soul; Satan accusing me on one side, and the world frowning on the other; so that I knew not what course to take. Prayer became a task, till at length it was almost neglected. So confused was my mind, and so dark was my, path, that I was at times almost disconsolate. Guilt seized my conscience again, and the terrors, of the Almighty affrighted me. My sins were set in order before me, and nothing but misery seemed to await me. Indeed such was my situation one evening, that, after the family had retired, I was so harassed by the enemy, that I could neither go to bed lest I should meet Satan by the way, nor engage in prayer, lest I should fall in the attempt. I stood a considerable time as one without either will or power, surrounded .with enemies in the midst of danger, and unable to help myself. At last I fell down upon my knees, and as well as I could cried unto the Lord, that he would help me, and deliver me out of the snare of the fowler, and set my soul at liberty. Blessed be his name, my cry was heard, and answered, so that the snare was broken.

Soon after this, I was much exercised in my mind with these words, "If ye love me, keep my commandments." I was led to inquire, Do