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sight which I had not before taken notice of. I my pursuits until I arrived at my grand cliThe winds that passed over this flowery plain, macteric. But at length, altogether despairing nd through the tops of the trees, which were of success, whether it were for want of capacity, full of blossoms, blew upon me in such a con- friends, or due application, I at last resolved to tinued breeze of sweets, that I was wonderfully erect a new office, and, for my encouragement, charmed with my situation. I here saw all to place myself in it. For this reason I took the inner declivities of that great circuit of upon me the title and dignity of Censor of mountains, whose outside was covered with Great Britain,' reserving to myself all such snow, overgrown with huge forests of fir-trees, perquisites, profits, and emoluments, as should which indeed are very frequently found in arise out of the discharge of the said office. other parts of the Alps. These trees were in- These in truth have not been inconsiderable; habited by storks, that came thither in great for, besides those weekly contributions which flights from very distant quarters of the world. I receive from John Morphew, and those Methoughts I was pleased in my dream to see annual subscriptions which I propose to myself what became of these birds, when, upon leaving from the most elegant part of this great island, the places to which they make an annual visit, I daily live in a very comfortable affluence of they rise in great flocks so high until they are wine, stale beer, Hungary water, beef, books, out of sight, and for that reason have been and marrow-bones, which I receive from many thought by some modern philosophers to take well disposed citizens; not to mention the a flight to the moon. But my eyes were soon forfeitures, which accrue to me from the sediverted from this prospect, when I observed veral offenders that appear before me on courttwo great gaps that led through this circuit of days. mountains, where guards and watches were posted day and night. Upon examination, I found that there were two formidable enemies encamped before each of these avenues, who kept the place in a perpetual alarm, and watched all opportunities of invading it.

Having now enjoyed this office for the space of a twelvemonth,† I shall do what all good officers ought to do, take a survey of my behaviour, and consider carefully, whether I have discharged my duty, and acted up to the character with which I am invested. For my direction in this particular, I have made a narrow search into the nature of the old Roman censors, whom I must always regard, not only as my predecessors, but as my patterns in this great employment; and have several times asked my own heart with great impartiality, whether Cato will not bear a more venerable figure among posterity than Bickerstaff?

Tyranny was at the head of one of these armies, dressed in an Eastern habit, and grasping in her hand an iron sceptre. Behind her was Barbarity, with the garb and complexion of an Ethiopian; Ignorance, with a turban upon her head; and Persecution holding up a bloody flag, embroidered with flower-de-luces. These were followed by Oppression, Poverty, Famine, Torture, and a dreadful train of appearances that made me tremble to behold them. Among the baggage of this army, I could discover racks, wheels, chains, and gib-ing up their numbers, ranging them under bets, with all the instruments art could invent to make human nature miserable.

Before the other avenue I saw Licentiousness, dressed in a garment not unlike the Polish cassock, and leading up a whole army of monsters, such as Clamour, with a hoarse voice and a hundred tongues; Confusion, with a mishapen body, and a thousand heads; Impudence, with a forehead of brass; and Rapine, with hands of iron. The tumult, noise, and uproar in this quarter, were so very great, that they disturbed my imagination more than is consistent with sleep, and by that means awaked

me.

No. 162.] Saturday, April 22, 1710.

Tertius è colo cecidit Cato.
Juv. Sat. ii. 40.
See! a third Cato from the clouds is dropt.
R. Wynne.

From my own Apartment, April 21.
In my younger years I used many endeavours
to get a place at court, and indeed continued

I find the duty of the Roman censor was two-fold. The first part of it consisted in making frequent reviews of the people, in cast

their several tribes, disposing them into proper classes, and subdividing them into their respective centuries.

In compliance with this part of the office, I have taken many curious surveys of this great city. I have collected into particular bodies the Dappers and the Smarts, the natural and affected Rakes, the Pretty-fellows, and the very Pretty-fellows. I have likewise drawn out in several distinct parties, your Pedants and Men of Fire, your Gamesters and Politicians. I have separated Cits from Citizens, Free-thinkers from Philosophers, Wits from Snuff-takers, and Duelists from men of Honour. I have likewise made a calculation of Esquires; not only considering the several distinct swarms of them that are settled in the different parts of this town, but also that more rugged species

John Morphew, the printer, appears to have superin. tended the delivery, and received the prices of these papers on their first periodical publication, for which it seems he

accounted to Steele weekly, and probably oftener.

+ The first paper of the Tatler is dated April 12, 1709.

that inhabit the fields and woods, and are often found in pot-houses, and upon hay-cocks.

I shall pass the soft sex over in silence, having not yet reduced them into any tolerable order; as likewise the softer tribe of Lovers, which will cost me a great deal of time before I shall be able to cast them into their several centuries and subdivisions.

The second part of the Roman censor's office was to look into the manners of the people; and to check any growing luxury, whether in diet, dress, or building. This duty likewise I have endeavoured to discharge, by those wholesome precepts which I have given my countrymen in regard to beef and mutton, and the severe censures which I have passed upon ragouts and fricassees. There is not, as I am informed, a pair of red heels to be seen within ten miles of London; which I may likewise ascribe, without vanity, to the becoming zeal which I expressed in that particular. I must own, my success with the petticoat is not so great; but, as I have not yet done with it, I hope I shall in a little time put an effectual stop to that growing evil. As for the article of building, I intend hereafter to enlarge upon it; having lately observed several warehouses, nay, private shops, that stand upon Corinthian pillars, and whole rows of tin pots showing themselves, in order to their sale, through a sash-window.*

mention whole packs of delinquents whom I have shut up in kennels, and the new hospital which I am at present erecting for the reception of those my countrymen, who give me but little hopes of their amendment, on the borders of Moor-fields. I shall only observe upon this last particular, that, since some late surveys I have taken of this island, I shall think it necessary to enlarge the plan of the buildings which I design in this quarter.

When my great predecessor, Cato the Elder, stood for the censorship of Rome, there were several other competitors who offered themselves; and, to get an interest amongst the people, gave them great promises of the mild and gentle treatment which they would use toward them in that office. Cato, on the contrary, told them, 'he presented himself as a candidate, because he knew the age was sunk in immorality and corruption; and that, if they would give him their votes, he would promise them to make use of such a strictness and severity of discipline, as should recover them out of it.' The Roman historians, upon this occasion, very much celebrated the public-spiritedness of that people, who chose Cato for their censor, notwithstanding his method of recommending himself. I may in some measure extol my own countrymen upon the same account; who, without any respect to party, or any application from myself, have made such generous subscriptions for the Censor of Great Britain, as will give a magnificence to my old age, and which I esteem more than I would any post in Europe of a hundred times the value. I shall only add, that upon looking into my catalogue of subscribers, which I intend to print alphabetically in the front of my lucubrations, I find the names of the greatest beauties and wits in the whole island of Great Britain; which I only mention for the benefit of any of them who have not yet subscribed, it being my design to close the subscription in a very short time.

I have likewise followed the example of the Roman censors, in punishing offences according to the quality of the offender. It was usual for them to expel a senator, who had been guilty of great immoralities, out of the senatehouse, by omitting his name when they called over the list of his brethren. In the same manner, to remove effectually several worthless men who stand possessed of great honours, I have made frequent draughts of dead men out of the vicious part of the nobility, and given them up to the new society of upholders, with the necessary orders for their interment. As the Roman censors used to punish the knights or gentlemen of Rome, by taking away their horses from them, I have seized the canes of No. 163.] Tuesday, April 25, 1710.

many criminals of figure, whom I had just reason to animadvert upon. As for the offenders among the common people of Rome, they were generally chastised by being thrown out of a higher tribe, and placed in one which was not so honourable. My reader cannot but think I have had an eye to this punishment, when I have degraded one species of men into Bombs, Squibs, and Crackers, and another into Drums, Bass-viols, and Bag-pipes; not to

These pillars and sash-windows seem to be mentioned here as novelties; from which it may be inferred, that the shops in London began to be shut in and glazed in 1710, or a little sooner. Several prints might easily be referred to containing representations of the old shops without windows. Some such, particularly among the woollen. drapers, remain to this day.

Idem inficeto est inficetior rure,

Simul pocnata attigit; neque idem unquam
Equé est beatus, ac poema cum scribit:
Tam gaudet in se, tamque se ipse miratur.
Nimirum idem omnes fallimur; neque est quisquam
Quem non in aliquâ re videre Suffenum
Possis-

Catul. de Suffeno, xx. 14. Suffenus has no more wit than a mere clown when he attempts to write verses; and yet he is never happier than when he is scribbling: so much does he admire him. self and his compositions. And, indeed, this is the foible of every one of us; for there is no man living who is not a Suffenus in one thing or other.

* This alludes not only to the extensive sale, and great profits of these papers on their periodical publication, but also, and chiefly, to the very numerous and respectable subscriptions for the re-publication of them in their first edition in octavo, at the very extraordinary price of one guinea for each volume,

1

Will's Coffee-house, April 24.

Mr.

I

1 YESTERDAY came hither about two hours before the company generally make their appearance, with a design to read over all the newspapers; but, upon my sitting down, I was accosted by Ned Softly, who saw me from a corner in the other end of the room, where I found he had been writing something. Bickerstaff,' says he,' I observe by a late paper of yours, that you and I are just of a humour; for you must know, of all impertinences, there is nothing which I so much hate as news. never read a Gazette in my life; and never trouble my head about our armies, whether they win or lose, or in what part of the world they lie encamped.' Without giving me time to reply, he drew a paper of verses out of his pocket, telling me, that he had something which would entertain me more agreeably; and that he would desire my judgment upon every line, for that we had time enough before us until the company came in.'

Ned Softly is a very pretty poet, and a great admirer of easy lines. Waller is his favourite: and as that admirable writer has the best and worst verses of any among our great English poets, Ned Softly has got all the bad ones without book which he repeats upon occasion, to show his reading, and garnish his conversation. Ned is indeed a true English reader, incapable of relishing the great and masterly strokes of this art: but wonderfully pleased with the little Gothic ornaments of epigrammatical conceits, turns, points, and quibbles; which are so frequent in the most admired of our English poets, and practised by those who want genius and strength to represent, after the manner of the ancients, simplicity in its natural beauty and perfection.

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Finding myself unavoidably engaged in such a conversation, I was resolved to turn my pain into a pleasure, and to divert myself as well as You must I could with so very odd a fellow. understand,' says Ned, that the sonnet I am going to read to you was written upon a lady, who showed me some verses of her own making, and is, perhaps, the best poet of our age. But You shall hear it.'

Upon which he began to read as follows:

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something in it that piques; and then the dart
in the last line is certainly as pretty a sting in
the tail of an epigram, for so I think you critics
call it, as ever entered into the thought of a
'Dear Mr. Bickerstaff,' says he, shaking
poet.'
me by the hand, 'every body knows you to be a
judge of these things; and to tell you truly, I
read over Roscommon's translation of Horace's
Art of Poetry' three several times, before I sat
down to write the sonnet which I have shown
you. But you shall hear it again, and pray
observe every line of it; for not one of them
shall pass without your approbation.

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good as the former.'
you say so,' says he ;

Pray observe the gliding of that verse; there is scarce a consonant in it; I took care to make it run upon liquids. Give me your Truly,' said I, I think it as opinion of it.' I am very glad to hear " but mind the next. You seem a sister of the Nine, 'That is,' says he, you seem a sister of the muses; for, if you look into ancient authors, you will find it was their opinion, that there were nine of them.' I remember it very well,' said I; but pray proceed.'

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Or Phoebus' self in petticoats.

'Phoebus,' says he, was the god of poetry. These little instances, Mr. Bickerstaff, show a gentleman's reading. Then, to take off from the air of learning, which Phoebus and the muses had given to this first stanza, you may observe, how it falls all of a sudden into the 66 in Petticoats!" familiar;

Or Phoebus' self in petticoats.

'Let us now,' says I, 'enter upon the second stanza; I find the first line is still a continuation of the metaphor.'

6

I fancy, when your song you sing, "It is very right,' says he; but pray observe the turn of words in those two lines. I was a whole hour in adjusting of them, and have still a doubt upon me, whether in the second line it should be "Your song you sing; or, You sing your song?" You shall hear them both :' I fancy, when your song you sing, 'Your song you sing with so much art)

OR,

I fancy, when your song you sing,
(You sing your song with so much art)

'Truly,' said I, 'the turn is so natural either way, that you have made me almost giddy with it.' Dear, sir,' said he, grasping me by the hand, you have a great deal of patience; but pray what do you think of the next verse?'

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For Ah! it wounds me like his dart.

Pray how do you like that Ah! doth it not make a pretty figure in that place? Ah! -it looks as if I felt the dart, and cried out as being pricked with it.

For, Ah! it wounds me like his dart.

'My friend Dick Easy,' continued he, 'assured me, he would rather have written that

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Ah! than to have been the author of the Æneid. He indeed objected, that I made Mira's pen like a quill in one of the lines, and like a dart in the other. But as to thatOh! as to that,' says I, it is but supposing Cupid to be like a porcupine, and his quills and darts will be the same thing.' He was going to embrace me for the hint; but half a dozen critics coming into the room, whose faces he did not like, he conveyed the sonnet into his pocket, and whispered me in the ear,' he would show it me again as soon as his man had written it over fair.'

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From my own Apartment, April 26. I HAVE lately been looking over the many packets of letters which I have received from all quarters of Great Britain, as well as from foreign countries, since my entering upon the office of Censor; and indeed am very much surprised to see so great a number of them, and pleased to think that I have so far increased the revenue of the post-office. As this collection will grow daily, I have digested it into several bundles, and made proper indorsements on each particular letter; it being my design, when I lay down the work that I am now engaged in, to erect a paper-office, and give it to the public.

I could not but make several observations upon reading over the letters of my correspondents. As, first of all, on the different tastes that reign in the different parts of this city. I find by the approbations which are given me, that I am seldom famous on the same days on both sides of Temple-bar; and that when I am in the greatest repute within the liberties,

I dwindle at the court-end of the town. Some

times I sink in both these places at the same time; but, for my comfort, my name hath then been up in the districts of Wapping and Rotherhithe. Some of my correspondents desire me to be always serious, and others to be always merry. Some of them entreat me to go to bed and fall into a dream, and like me better when I am asleep than when I am awake: others advise me to sit all night upon the stars, and be more frequent in my astrological observations; for that a vision is not properly a lucubration. Some of my readers thank me for filling my paper with the flowers of antiquity, others desire news from Flanders. Some approve my criticisms on the dead, and others my censures on the living. For this reason, I once resolved, in the new edition of my works, to range my several papers under distinct heads, according as their principal design was to benefit and instruct the different capacities of my readers; and to follow the example of some very great authors, by writing at the head of each discourse, Ad Aulam, Ad Academiam, Ad Populum, Ad Clerum.

There is no particular in which my correspondents of all ages, conditions, sexes, and complexions, universally agree, except only in their thirst after scandal. It is impossible to conceive, bw many have recommended their neighbours o me upon this account, or how unmercifully I have been abused by several unknown bands, for not publishing the secret histories of cuckoldom that I have received from almost every street in town.

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It would indeed be very dangerous for me to read over the many praises and eulogiums, which come post to me from all the corners of the nation, were they not mixed with many checks, reprimands, scurrilities, and reproaches; which several of my good-natured countrymen cannot forbear sending me, though it often costs them twopence or a groat before they can convey them to my hands: so that sometimes when I am put into the best humour in the world, after having read a panegyric upon my performances, and looked upon myself as a benefactor to the British nation, the next letter, perhaps, I open, begins with, You old doting scoundrel!- -Are not you a sad dog? Sirrah, you deserve to have your nose slit;' and the like ingenious conceits. These little mortifications are necessary to suppress that pride and vanity which naturally arise in the mind of a received author, and enable me to bear the reputation which my courteous readers bestow upon me, without becoming a coxcomb by it. It was for the same reason, that when a Roman general entered the city in the pomp of a triumph, the commonwealth allowed of several little drawbacks to his reputation, by conniving at such of the rabble as repeated libels and lampoons upon him within his hear

cution, and being at that time more scrupulous than ordinary in speaking exact truth, he formed his letter rather according to the posture of his affairs when she should read it, than as they stood when he sent it: though, it must be confessed, there is a certain perplexity in the style of it, which the reader will easily pardon, considering his circumstances.

DEAR WIFE,

Hoping you are in good health, as I am at this present writing; this is to let you know, that yesterday, between the hours of eleven and twelve, I was hanged, drawn, and quartered. I died very penitently, and every body thought my case very hard. Remember me kindly to my poor fatherless children.

ing; and by that means engaged his thoughts | wife's hands until Saturday, the day after exeupon his weakness and imperfections, as well as on the merits that advanced him to so great honours. The conqueror, however, was not the less esteemed for being a man in some particulars, because he appeared as a god in others. There is another circumstance in which my countrymen have dealt very perversely with me; and that is, in searching not only into my life, but also into the lives of my ancestors. If there has been a blot in my family for these ten generations, it hath been discovered by some or other of my correspondents. In short, I find the ancient family of the Bickerstaffs has suffered very much through the malice and prejudice of my enemies. Some of them twit me in the teeth with the conduct of my aunt Margery. Nay, there are some who have been so disingenuous, as to throw Maud the milkmaid into my dish, notwithstanding I myself was the first who discovered that alliance. I reap however many benefits from the malice of these enemies, as they let me see my own faults, and give me a view of myself in the worst light; as they hinder me from being blown up by flattery and self-conceit; as they make me keep a watchful eye over my own actions; and at the same time make me cautious how I talk of others, and particularly of my friends and relations, or value myself upon the antiquity of my family.

But the most formidable part of my correspondents are those, whose letters are filled with threats and menaces. I have been treated so often after this manner, that, not thinking it sufficient to fence well, in which I am now arrived at the utmost perfection, and to carry pistols about me, which I have always tucked within my girdle; I several months since made my will, settled my estate, and took leave of my friends, looking upon myself as no better than a dead man. Nay, I went so far as to write a long letter to the most intimate acquaintance I have in the world, under the character of a departed person, giving him an account of what brought me to that untimely end, and of the fortitude with which I met it. This letter being too long for the present paper, I intend to print it by itself very suddenly; and, at the same time, I must confess I took my hint of it from the behaviour of an old soldier in the civil wars, who was corporal of a company in a regiment of foot, about the same time that I myself was a cadet in the king's army. This gentleman was taken by the enemy; and the two parties were upon such terms at that time, that we did not treat each other as prisoners of war, but as traitors and rebels. The poor coporal, being condemned to die, wrote a letter to his wife when under sentence of execution. He writ on the Thursday, and was to be executed on the Friday: but, considering that the letter would not come to his

'Yours, until death,

'W. B.'

It so happened, that this honest fellow was relieved by a party of his friends, and had the satisfaction to see all the rebels hanged who had been bis enemies. I must not omit a circumstance which exposed him to raillery his whole life after. Before the arrival of the next post, that would have set all things clear, his wife was married to a second husband, who lived in the peaceable possession of her; and the corporal, who was a man of plain understanding, did not care to stir in the matter, as knowing that she had the news of his death under his own hand, which she might have produced upon occasion.

No. 165.] Saturday, April 29, 1710.

From my own Apartment, April 28. IT has always been my endeavour to distinguish between realities and appearances, and to separate true merit from the pretence to it. As it shall ever be my study to make discoveries of this nature in human life, and to settle the proper distinctions between the virtues and perfections of mankind, and those false colours

and resemblances of them that shine alike in

the eyes of the vulgar; so I shall be more particularly careful to search into the various merits and pretences of the learned world. This is the more necessary, because there seems to be a general combination among the pedauts to extol one another's labours, and cry up one another's parts; while men of sense, either through that modesty which is natural to

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• Addison was undoubtedly a man of sense, and of cele brated modesty; but when, on the representation of his Cato, he was to stand the hazard of the theatre, that as little might be left to hazard as possible, on the first night, Steele, as himself relates, undertook to pack an audience. This, says Pope, on the testimony of Spence, had been tried, for the first time, in favour of the Distrest Mother' (a tragedy of Mr. Ambrose Phillips, 1712,) and was now practised with more efficacy for Cato.' Dr. Johnson's Lives of English Poets,' vol. 11. p. 371. 8vo. 1781.

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